Of Cohorts and Competitors
by le manchot du destin
Summary: Just a little story about two people who hate eachother...and how they someday end up married with a kid...that's right, Lily Evans and James Potter, school days, what happened there?
1. Chapter 1, A Prodigious Beginning

Author's Note:

Ah, welcome everyone. This is my first story on , so I suppose we'll have to wait and see how it all turns out. I'd be absolutely honored if anyone decided to review this, and all CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is, of course, welcome. Ah, and of course those much-loved flamers...well, if you must, then I suppose you must. Just so you know, this chapter will be short; the rest ought to be much, much longer. So sit back, relax, and enjoy...

JK Rowling owns it all, she is great and powerful, and I am but twiddling my thumbs and waiting for the sixth book to come out...

Chapter One, A Prodigious Beginning

No story can begin it the middle, why, that would exterminate all cause for beginnings, so this one can be no different. This particular story is about one James Potter, and another, Lily Evans. James sported thick, messy black hair and hazel eyes. He was wealthy and truly born a wizard. Lily on the other hand, she had dark red hair, and almond-shaped eyes of a startling green hue. She was born a muggle, and raised one, but now about to attend a school for witchcraft and wizardry. A school by the name of Hogwarts, as it turned out, and the same school as a Mr. James Potter.

Year One:

Getting onto the train for the first time, Lily Evans accidentally jostled James Potter. James poured frog spawn down Lily's shirt. Lily succeeded in casting her very first spell, a rather skillful jelly-legs curse. At which point James met Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, and Remus Lupin. They helped James retaliate. At which point Lily met Sara Corner and Alanna Simmons. They helped Lily retaliate. At which point all the aforementioned were sorted into Gryffindor House. And then James retaliated and Lily retaliated and James retaliated and Lily retaliated...and so was a most prodigious beginning achieved.

Year Two:

James and his friends discovered Quidditch, and James became Gryffindor chaser, while Sirius became a beater. James and his friends also discovered that Lily Evans is not the only one who screams when frog spawn is shoved down her robe. They made it their life goal to out-prank the wizarding world.

Lily and her friends discovered the library. Oh, they knew about it before, but this...well, this was just amazing. They spent their year paying rapt attention in class and learning to win at wizarding chess. When not in class or at the library, they spent time in their dormitories. Because really, who wanted to be in the Gryffindor common room when it could go up in flames at any moment because of Potter, Black, Pettigrew, and Lupin?

Year Three:

James, Sirius, and Peter found out that Remus was a werewolf. With considerable effort, they snapped their jaws back on and made up their minds to find a way, any way, to help him. All pranks were abandoned and the boys discovered the resources of the library. They, unlike the girls, had never been there before. To the surprise of both staff and students, it turned out that James and Sirius were actually quite talented in school when they stopped deliberately messing up. (Remus, of course, had been achieving good grades all along, and Peter, though not in any way gifted, wasn't too shabby himself.) By the end of the year, they had figured out what to do...if only, well, if only they could become animagi, well, then their problems would be over. They vowed to do it, to become animagi before the end of their stay at Hogwarts, and once again, the boys took up pranking, and they christened themselves the Marauders.

Lily, Sara, and Alanna fought hard to keep their high academic marks, and, when that ceased to take up all their time, started to join clubs. Lily's personal favorite was charms club, and she was soon voted club advisor, to her great pleasure. The three girls were wary, at first, of the lack of pranks from Potter, Black, Pettigrew, and Lupin, but as the year wore on, they decided the boys must have reformed. Lily and James even became lab partners in potions class. Unfortunately, that stab at friendship didn't turn out so well, as during the practical potions exam, James bewitched the cauldron to start singing love ballads where Lily was the maiden, and Severus Snape, a slimy Slytherin, the brave knight. Lily got him back in an uncharacteristic fit of rage, by punching him in the nose. Lily got her first ever detention, but James got a bloody nose.

Year Four:

The Marauders discovered girls. They'd known about girls before, of course, but never before had a girl served in a greater capacity than squealing squeamishly at a prank. Now, well, there was clearly a better use to them. Pranks were now limited to the staff, the Slytherins, and Lily and company. (Lily, Sara, and Alanna weren't girls; not really, they were more, well, rivals.) Lucky for James and Sirius, at least, most girls were able to forget past pranks in favor of good looks. Prank-wise, the Marauders excelled to all new levels based on a gift James received from his father for Christmas. With an invisibility cloak, anything was possible.

The girls too, suffered from adolescent pangs. Unfortunately for them, they seemed to have matured more quickly than the boys. Alanna, to her embarrassment, actually vomited on one lovesick swain when he tried to kiss her. In public, Alanna claimed that she'd been feeling sick all day, but to her friends she had to admit that it might have had something to do with the overwhelming smell of eau de toilette about him (A/N: eau de toilette is French. It refers to a cologne, but literally translated, it means "water of the toilet." Just thought you might want to know.). On an entirely different note, Lily decided that she wasn't doing enough with her time, and founded six new clubs. Sara and Alanna thought she was mad, but went along with her anyway. Three years of friendship had to be good for something, didn't they?

Year Five...

The author slams the doors in the faces of her (and JK Rowling's of course) characters and tell them to COME BACK LATER. She promises them she'll write another chapter soon, but this one has got to get posted already. The author tears her eyes from the screen and notices all the readers.

Okay, then, let me tear myself out of fantasy-land here. Wow, this turned out longer than I thought. Just so you know, this is not how the rest of the chapters are going to be written. I just thought it was a quick way to get through the early years without skipping them altogether. I promise, in future chapters, I will put in lots of dialogue, and, yeah, a ton more character development. Please, if you would review, I'd love to hear what you have to say. Please, in particular, let me know if anything I say isn't true to the books, if it isn't true to the English culture (I'm from New York, for goodness sake, how would I know?), or if I've made grammar or spelling errors.

Most sincerely,

le manchot de destin

(I know what my username means, do you?)


	2. Chapter 2, Lily and All that Entails

Says the author:

Drum roll please. And now, complete with Dialogue and Character Development, I give you......Chapter Two!!!!!!

I yield to the great authority of JK Rowling. Hers is the great mind that thought Harry Potter up, and I'm just entertaining the rest of us while she writes book six

* * *

Chapter 2, Lily and All that Entails

The alarm clock went off with an awful jangling wail, and Lily Evans, 15, was jolted suddenly into wakefulness. Her left eye opened cautiously, and peered surreptitiously at the clock. 7:00. AM. Far too much of an ungodly hour to wake up. Especially on a Saturday. Especially in the summer. All in all, Lily felt no guilt whatsoever in throwing the offending clock against the wall and resuming sleep.

"Lily," came a voice through the fog of sleep. "LILY! ARE YOU AWAKE? CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT TIME IT IS?"

_Why yes,_ Lily thought sleepily, _I do seem to be awake now, don't I._ She peeked open her left eye. _But no, I don't seem to be able to tell the time. _Her muzzy brain tried to make sense of this. _Oh, I know, it must be because I threw the alarm clock against the wall. Yes, of course, there it is lying in a sorry pile on the floor by my school trunk._

Lily was suddenly awake. Very awake. Summer it might be and a Saturday as well, but there was a perfectly good reason for that alarm clock. Lily's right eye snapped open as well. And judging by the light entering the room, well, it seemed quite possible that she was going to be—

"—LATE! LILY, IF YOU DON'T GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE!"

"Coming Mum," Lily gasped, tearing herself out of bed. The blankets grabbed her knees and dragged about her ankles, but Lily paid them no mind. _Damniti'mgonnabelatetoHogwartsandi'lllosepointsandi'llgetdetentionandeverybody'sgonnaKILLME!_ Lily's mind roared instructions at her at a speed faster than light itself.

She tore open the door to the bathroom, running right into her sister, Petunia, who was trying to get in there.

"Lily, for god's sake, I need to use the toilet!" Petunia shrieked, but Lily was already inside, the door locked snugly in her wake. A moment later, there was a sound of the shower running, and Lily's scream as she dove into the cold water. "Serve's you right," Petunia called, but she doubted her sister could hear. Lily had always had selective hearing, but it had only grown worse since her acceptance into the wizard freak show school. Petunia headed resignedly for the downstairs bathroom.

Meanwhile, Lily was frantically scrubbing every inch of her body. In record time, she was rinsing off the soap, and turning off the shower. But not before...

"PETUNIA, YOU BITCH," Lily screeched "WHY THE HECK DID YOU FLUSH THE TOILET! YOU KNOW I'M IN THE SHOWER!!!"

But that hardly merited a pause. Lily was out of the shower, her wet feet slapping on the tiles. She wrapped a towel around her (a nice, wonderful fuzzy pink one that she would NEVER admit to her friends that she used), and started pulling a brush through her thick red hair.

"Stupid hair," Lily muttered "I don't have time for you right now." But even with her complaints, it was hardly a minute later that Lily shoved the red mass into a clip, and paid it no more mind. She studied the bathroom minutely, looking for anything she had forgotten to pack. _I've got my toothbrush, my hair brush, my makeup, my earrings, my—Damn! I forgot my...oh, no I didn't, I packed that yesterday._

Completing her survey, Lily leapt out of the bathroom and into her room. Jeans, a tee-shirt, didn't matter which, she'd be wearing robes soon anyway, and Lily was out again. She took the stairs 3 at a time, knowing from experience that if she tried more she'd land on her face, and arrived in the kitchen in record time.

"Lily, dear, would you like some toast?" Lily's father asked from the stove. He was the best cook in the family. "Or eggs, or bacon, or, well, anything? Nothing is too complicated today."

"Dad," Lily moaned, "Everything is too complicated for today, I'm going to be incredibly, unforgivably late, and it's the first day of school!"

"Lily, you know you should eat something, or how will you ever make it through the day?" Lily's mother's voice wafted out from behind the newspaper.

"Mum, it's okay, I'll buy something on the train."

Mrs. Evan's eyebrow was visible rising above the paper.

"MUM! Really, I'll eat, I swear but, OH SHIT!"

"Lily Marie Evans, what is—" Mr. Potter cut off as he saw the taxi cab outside the window. Not that it would have mattered if he had continued to speak; Lily was already out the door.

Lily was sprinting out to the cab when she realized she was forgetting something. Or, to be more specific, she was forgetting everything. She spun around in a skillful about-face and sprinted back into the house.

"MY TRUNK!" she screamed, right into Petunia's ear. "I forgot my trunk!"

_And she called me a bitch?_ Petunia wondered.

But it was no use to voice that because Lily was already upstairs. In fact, Petunia had to dodge out of the way as said trunk came falling down the stairs and nearly crushed her beneath its bulk.

Lily was a step behind the trunk, and she pushed the large trunk in front of her and out the door with surprising speed for one so small. And that was without the use of magic. Again, she was halfway to the waiting cab when she realized she'd forgotten something else.

Lily spun again, leaving behind the poor, confused taxi driver, and making a beeline for her front door. This time, her father was waiting for her just inside the door, and he handed his daughter her train ticket.

"Have a nice year, sweetie" he suggested smilingly.

"And write us!" Lily's mother's voice joined in from behind her newspaper in the kitchen, "I want to hear from you before break."

"Good riddance, Twit," Petunia admonished, but she couldn't keep the grin from her face. Even if Lily was a freak, and a damned annoying one too, Petunia couldn't help loving her. They were sisters, for goodness' sake.

"I LOVE YOU GUYS!" Lily shouted as she fairly flew out the open door. "DON'T FORGET ME WHILE I'M GONE"

"As if," Petunia said with another grin as her sister jumped into the waiting taxi. "God, there's nobody in the world like Lily Evans."

Neither parent saw fit to disagree either.

* * *

The author imparts wisdom:

This chapter was going to be longer, but I thought this was as good a place as any to end it. Next chapter, we get to see James's morning, I think. What I'm planning, and this could change depending on what's going on in the story, is to write chapters from alternating points of view: one from Lily, then one from James, one from Lily, one from James, and so on. Maybe I'll throw in some others too.

Please, I'm begging you guys, read and review this. This chapter had actual dialogue, and future chapters ought to be a heck of a lot more like this one than the first chapter. And, let's see, you should meet everyone's friends in chapter 3 or 4.

About the characters, well, you ought to learn more about Lily in the future ones obviously, but... Hmm, well, when I was writing Petunia, I didn't put her down as the awful person she seems to be in the canon. I figure, yeah, she's jealous of Lily, and they've got a rivalry going on, but she's not altogether the beast readers tend to see when they look at Aunt Petunia. And a big part of the anger she has toward Harry in the canon could be from losing her sister. Death changes the way you see things. Or maybe I'm just tricking you and Lily and Petunia will have a falling out later on....muahahaha. Alright, enough with the evil laughter. With Mr. and Mrs. Evans, I thought it would be nice if I switched the traditional roles around a bit. So Mr. Evans cooks, and Mrs. Evans reads the newspaper and all that.

And thanks a bundle to Gaby-Black, who gave me my first ever review!!! Yay!

Well, I ought to stop before the author's note becomes longer than the story. I really hope you're enjoying this as much as I am, so read and review if you please.

Amicalement,

le Manchot du Destin

(Gaby and I know what my penname means, do you?)


	3. Chapter 3, James and All that Entrails

The author dutifully looks up from the keyboard before resuming her typing frenzy...

Hey, thanks so much for the reviews, guys, you made me SOOOOO happy.

**Gaby-Black**: my first ever reviewer. I read "Here With Me" and I thought it was awesome. Read it everybody! (you know what my penname is, but then again, you live in France so...)

**Pinky The Snowman**: yeah, I like Lily and James fics because you can mess around with the characters without being untrue to the book. Plus I'm such a romanticist. (Hint from me, my penname is FRENCH, I hope you can figure it out.)

**Gilly bear**: it's intrigued (oops, my spell check had to help me spell it right)...(again, see if you can dig up a French dictionary and figure out my penname)

**A Cute But Psycho Bunny**: of course it was a compliment...tell the bunny men hi from me. (yes! Someone who knows what my penname means.)

JK Rowling is the wondrous entity who own all of this, and I am but doodling to keep from going mad while the sixth book is written

* * *

Chapter 3, James and All that Entrails:

"Mr. Potter, Mr. Potter. Please, you must needs wake up, get up. Mr. Potter, today is being the first day of school and you must not be late, you must needs be on time and you is not getting up. Please, Mr. Potter, you is not even packed yet."

James Potter lay in bed, attempting to ignore the high-pitched voice that had been speaking nonstop for the past 3.52 minutes. There was a brief pause, and James was immediately completely dead to the world once again.

The house-elf took a breath. He liked his owners, really, he did, but James could be a right pain in the anything at any time before noon. The house-elf resigned himself and picked up the state-of-the-art broomstick lying on James's trunk, and gently poked his young master.

"Urgh. Ugmsmuffinslabboo." James spoke for the first time that morning.

"Finally, Mr. Potter, I was thinking I was going to have to set fire to you again, like last year." The house-elf was immensely relieved. That had been awkward, even though James's parents had been completely on the house-elf's side.

"Buggawuffoo. Dookkawub. Bugnaaflup." James peeked open his right eye. Oh, it was just Spink. He let himself drift off again.

"Come on now, Spink, don't be an idiot." This voice came from the other bed in the room. "You know he won't wake up unless you do something unique."

Spink winced. That boy's definition of unique was a frightening once.

Sirius Black swung his legs over the side of the bed and regarded his best friend pensively. He was running out of funny hexes to wake James up in the morning. _That's sad_, he thought to himself, _one should always have a good hex ready_.

Finally, though, "Tarantallegra!"

James was suddenly very awake as his legs started to dance completely beyond his own control.

"What's the matter Prongsie?" Sirius teased. "You're still not getting up, are you still sleeping?" Sirius flung a tickling hex at James, who doubled over with laughter, even as he tried to form angry words. "Jamie-boy, you should really get up now, I'm serious." Sirius fought his grin back and attempted to look serious. James was still unable to get up or speak, so Sirius conjured a bucket of water and sent it splashing down on his friend's head.

That did it. James used a supreme effort of will to push back the effects of the hexes.

"SIRIUS, YOU—hahaha—STOP IT I CAN'T BELIEVE—hahahahahaha—CAN'T YOU STOP BEING A JERK FOR JUST ONE—" James couldn't do it anymore, he resumed his mad cackling and fell back onto the bed, his legs doing a skillful Irish step dance on the sheets.

"See," Sirius observed conversationally to Spink. "I told you he'd wake up if you did it right."

Spink refrained from speech. Sirius was right; James was infinitely more awake than any morning he could remember in the past two months, but still. This was worse than the fire incident from last year.

"Yes, Mr. Black, you is right. He is most definitely awake now."

"Well, Spink, m'dear, I think I'm due for a shower, hmm?" Sirius left the room without a backwards glance.

Spink hovered for a moment, wondering if he ought to help his young master, but then shook his head. James was a smart boy, however idiotic he looked at the moment. He could figure it out himself.

* * *

Eventually, James did arrive downstairs, where he was immediately greeted by the sound of applause.

"Congrats, James, real skillful, beautiful work there, so glad you could make it," Sirius greeted his friend with a barrage of mocking statements.

"Oh, do shut up," was the only reply.

James sat down at the kitchen table and helped himself to breakfast. Bacon, eggs, pancakes, and a steaming mug of hot cocoa (A/N: I refuse to believe that wizards can get along without hot chocolate, and that's that.) all vanished speedily down his hungry gullet.

"Come on now, Sirius," James addressed his friend, pausing in his eating to take a breath, "Why'd you wake me? You're usually begging for a reason to be late to school."

"Yeah, well." Sirius stopped talking and tried to think of a reason he would want to be on time. Several occurred to him. _Okay, _Sirius thought, _so now let's try and think of a reason James will actually believe_. "Well, er, it's the first day of school...er, and plus, Remus is a prefect and we'll get in trouble if we're late."

James couldn't help it; he burst into gales of laughter, spraying the tablecloth with half-digested bits of bacon. "Okay, and the real reason would be...?"

Sirius sighed, "Fine, be all smart like that." He paused. "It's that girl."

"Which one?"

"Um, blue eyes, long hair."

"Blonde?"

"Brunette."

"With the yellow teeth?"

"James, I don't date girls with yellow teeth."

"Oh, I musta been thinking of someone else then."

"No kidding, dumbass. No, she was the one with the really little nose, and the earrings."

"And the freckles?"

"No, no freckles."

"Then I don't know her."

"Yeah, you do, you dated her first."

"Oh, but I don't know any girls like that."

"Oh, well, I could be wrong, maybe she's blonde."

James rolled his eyes all the way around. Sirius still looked perplexed so James rolled his eyes again, just for effect. "Do you know her name?" James spoke slowly to make sure Sirius would understand.

"Don't believe so," Sirius appeared totally unconcerned with the conversation and completely concerned with the maple syrup he was mercilessly drowning his pancakes in. "But then again, you don't appear to know that little tidbit either."

James was forced to concede that point. "Anyway, what about that girl?"

"I wanna ask her out before somebody else does. She's hot."

"Right..." James lost interest in the conversation and decided to concentrate whole-heartedly on his breakfast. What with all the conversation, he was only on his third helping.

For once, Sirius did not immediately dive back into his own food. Instead, he spared a moment to pat himself on the back for a successful lie. _Honestly, _he thought, _James always assumes the first excuse is a lie, but he'll always fall for the second excuse, especially if it's about a girl._ Sirius was known for his fickleness concerning the female gender, but he was better known for his aptitude at pranks. And pranks meant lying. And pulling off a good lie meant pulling off a good prank, more often than not. People tended to assume that the marauders only pranked outside parties, but that was a falsehood; they pranked each other for practice just as often, if not more. An evil smile suffused itself onto Sirius's face; he was gonna pull a good one over on James.

A few bare moments after the last pancake disappeared, James's mother apparated in the doorway to the kitchen. "Hello, darling, and Sirius of course. Have a good breakfast?"

"Mmm, very good," James replied intelligently.

"Never had a better one, Mrs. Potter, I don't know how you do it every morning, especially what with working at the Ministry and all." Sirius smiled sweetly at James's mother as he did at no one else.

Mrs. Potter smiled back at Sirius, he was always such a pleasure to have as a guest, but James had something else to add.

"Wait, Sirius, come here. You seem to have a little something brown on your nose there." James leaned over and pinched Sirius's nose, hard.

"Ha ha ha, very funny," Sirius replied, massaging his nose. "And besides, I am not a brown-noser and I am so not sucking up to your mother. I don't need to; she loves me just the way I am." He fluttered his eyelashes infuriatingly at his friend.

James was about to reply when his mother cut in. "Speaking of your nose, Mr. Black, you ought to keep it out of trouble while you're at my house. You're underage, and consequently you should NOT be performing hexes at seven o'clock in the morning. Or at any other time. You're just lucky I work at the Ministry of Magic."

Sirius actually felt a touch of remorse. He really did like Mrs. Potter, and he didn't want her to get in trouble at work. "Sorry, Mrs. Potter, won't happen again."

"Of course it won't," the witch answered good-naturedly, "You're off to school to wreak havoc there."

"So right you are. And speaking of school, we ought to be off," Sirius glanced pointedly at his watch.

Within moments, Sirius, James, and all of their school equipment were piled into the fireplace, and spinning off towards Kings Cross Station, and Platform 9 ¾.

Mrs. Potter sat down in the kitchen and helped herself a heap of pancakes, 3 eggs, and a few pieces of bacon. There was nobody in the world like her son and his best friend. Nobody at all.

* * *

Author looks at the time, and jumps several feet into the air. Dang, it got late while she was writing...

So, how d'you like Sirius and James? Notice, I book-ended a lot of the stuff from chapter 2. Ah, but can you figure out what? Muahahaha. Anyway, in a lot of the fics I was looking at, Sirius is depicted as this brainless idiot, which I DO NOT SUPPORT. So I thought I could make him goofy without surgically removing all common sense.

Next chapter, you meet the rest of the friends and all that good stuff on the Hogwarts Express. And you get to see what Sirius is planning for James. And, let's see, it's probably going to be from James's POV and Lily's POV depending on what's going on.

Look for chapter 4, A Test of Endurance, coming soon to computers near you.

So read, romp, and review!

le Manchot du Destin


	4. Chapter 4, A Test of Endurance

Author gives a mighty "Harrumph." That's all she has to say for today.....excepting, of course....

JK Rowling...she owns Harry Potter...she owns his friends, his enemies, his acquaintances, his teachers, people who he passes on the street, and _yes_, even his parents and their friends. And I, as sorry as it makes me, am not JK Rowling. So I don't own any of it. So don't sue me.

* * *

Chapter 4, A Test of Endurance:

Lily made it to Kings Cross on time, of course. She always did. Waving aside, the cab driver's offers to assist her, Lily grabbed her trunk, heavy with books, and lugged it into the bustling station.

Suddenly, "Lily! You're here! Finally!" With that, Lily felt a thump and nearly fell over as her oldest and closest friend grabbed her in a hug.

"Hey, Sara," Lily replied, out of breath. "Glad you're still alive and well."

Sara grimaced. "Hey, Lils, you know I miss you every summer. _You _didn't have to listen to your sister swooning over a certain Mr. Sirius Black the whole time. _I _on the other hand," Sara adopted a long-suffering tone, "_I _had to endure Jemma's prattling for TWO WEEKS on vacation in the states. What a bore."

"_You_ suffered _My family_ doesn't know the first thing about magic. And Petunia's more of a bore than Jemma'll ever be."

The two girls glowered at each other for a moment before bursting into laughter. It was a skit they acted out every year, Sara complaining about her pure-blood family, Lily about her muggle one.

"Awww, speak of the devil," Sara sighed she spotted her sister weaving through the crowd of muggles.

"Hi Lily," Jemma said, smiling at her sister's friend. "You two ought to get onto the platform, train leaves in ten minutes." She swished her straight blonde hair, exactly identical to Sara's own, and started to walk away, baby blue eyes darting through the crowd searching for her own friends.

"I. Hate. Twins," Sara complained, picking up her own trunk from where she'd left it, and following Lily towards platform 10. "Especially pretty, annoying, popular ones."

Lily laughed, glad to be back with someone who understood her. "You two are identical, Sara, honey, you're BOTH drop-dead-gorgeous. And anyway, I like your sister."

"Only because you don't have to put up with her." But Sara didn't complain any more, truth be told, she didn't mind her sister that much either.

Getting on to Platform 9 and ¾ was habit, and for once it was surprisingly easy to find a compartment. Of course, the girls didn't see the other two trunks already in there. _Oops, _Lily thought suddenly, _I almost forgot about the prefects' meeting. Some first impression that would be, not turning up to my first ever meeting. _So Lily made her excuses, and started towards the front compartment.

By the time she arrived, it was eleven o'clock, and the train had begun its meandering journey towards Hogwarts. Truth to tell, Lily _was _very nearly late; the new head girl was beginning to speak as Lily hurried into the compartment.

With a sigh, the head girl, a seventh year by the name of Celia Bones turned to face Lily. "You're from Gryffindor, right?" Celia queried.

Lily nodded, completely tongue-tied.

"Alright then try not to be late next time. I don't want to have to yell at someone from my own house."

"Of course not," Lily murmured, embarrassed.

"Well," Celia prompted, go ahead and take a seat next to the other fifth year Gryffindor prefect." She gestured at the empty spot in the compartment, and Lily hurried to take her seat.

"Alright then," Celia began again "Now that we're all here, I'd like to keep it fairly short. Those of you who've done this before, this is going to be just like past years. Geoffrey Macmillan," Celia gestured to the head boy, a Hufflepuff standing next to her, "and I have both been prefects since fifth year, and we know the ropes around here. During this train ride, we're asking that you patrol through the compartments every now and again just to make sure no one's making trouble. Once we get to Hogwarts, you'll be free until after the feast. Then you're required to show the first years to the dormitories, and let everyone in the house know the password. If you'll all see Geoffrey or me at the end of this meeting, we'll let you know what the current passwords are. Let's see...well, at Hogwarts you'll be expected to help teachers to keep the peace. You have the power to dock points from the houses, but please do not abuse this privilege or it may be taken away from you. We'll give you a week to settle into your new schedules, but next Monday will be the next prefect meeting, it'll be in classroom 11, at 7:00 PM. Please don't be late; we've got all sorts of great things to plan. If that's it," Celia glanced around the compartment, and seeing that no one had any questions, dismissed them.

Lily looked around her for the first time. To her great surprise, the boy sitting next to her was none other than Remus Lupin. He was a marauder, to be sure, but though Lily had never actually spoken to him, he had always seemed the least hateful of the group. _Oh well, _Lily thought, _I hope he really is nicer because I'm going to _have_ to talk to him now._

"Hi, I'm Lily Evans," Lily introduced herself, forcing herself to act confident.

"Remus Lupin." Remus's pale features seemed nervous, and his eyes seemed very large and grey in his wan face. "And it's nice to finally talk to you. You're the one who beat James and Sirius on the finals last year."

Lily grinned, liking Remus more and more. He didn't seem angry, or anything, that she'd been the only one to do better on the finals than two of his best friends. If nothing else, he actually seemed happy about it.

Remus confirmed Lily's thoughts with an answering grin of his own. "It's all right; sometimes they really do need to be taken down a peg or three."

The two students migrated slowly up the line towards the head boy and girl, speaking all the way. By the time they'd received the Gryffindor password ("Fwooper") (A/N: d'you guys know what a fwooper is? Read Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.), they had already spoken about the weather ("too nice of a day to be stuck on a train heading back to school"), Quidditch teams (Lily was all for the Holyhead Harpies, who only accepted witches, but Remus was more of Pride of Portree kind of guy), and favorite subjects (DADA all the way). Lily was shocked to find out how much she had in common with Remus, and she was even rather upset that she'd not become friends with him earlier.

Heading back to the compartment where she'd left Sara, Lily gave a yawn. She was simply not used to getting up so early in the morning. Not that she _had_ gotten up all that early, but the alarm clock had certainly gone off early and it had disturbed her slumber. Lily yawned again, prying open the compartment door, but an unpleasant surprise awaited within.

* * *

Thinking back a bit...

James yawned, as he stepped out of the fireplace and onto Platform 9 and ¾. Whoever had thought to add Kings Cross to the Flu Network had been pretty intelligent as far as he was concerned. But still, though the journey had taken almost no effort on his part, James was tired. _Stupid friends and house elves disturbing my precious sleep, _he thought, but couldn't summon up any real anger.

James sighed and followed Sirius towards a compartment, where they dumped their things, and immediately left to find friends they hadn't seen in age, an eternity, a whole two months to be exact.

They soon located Peter Pettigrew. He was short, and built a bit like a tea kettle, and not a particularly well-made one. He was round, his body thinning up to his neck, which was thin, and his chubby head was set on top like a lid. His brown eyes were small, and his mousy brown hair was uncombed. Some people questioned how someone so...unattractive could be friends with "the gods" (Sirius and James), but being a part of the marauders was deeper than looks. It was a common purpose, and it made being friends with Peter Pettigrew more than worthwhile.

Before you could blink six times, Peter and James were engrossed in a conversation about Quidditch. James was certain that the Gryffindor team would win the cup under his own skilled leadership, and Peter was leaning on his every word, and questioning James as to who would replace the beater and chaser who had graduated last year. Peter wasn't much good at Quidditch, but he was no different than any wizarding boy in his worship of the sport.

Sirius said a quick hello to his friend, and then made his excuses ("I think you're right, James, that girl we spoke about earlier _is_ a blonde"). He then hurried back to the train compartment.

Opening the door to the compartment, Sirius was distressed to find it occupied by two girls. Normally, he wouldn't have minded a tidbit about that, he _was_ crazy about the female gender in general, but he was trying to pull off a prank, for goodness sake. Plus, these particular girls weren't ones he would date. Sara Corner was pretty, but she was so _organized_ all the time. And plus, she had a twin who Sirius had had his eyes on for a while now. (_Hmm, maybe I'll tell James it was Jemma Corner who I was talking about this morning, _Sirius thought.) The other girl was Alanna Simmons, a tall, black-haired girl with hazel eyes. She was skinny (_too _skinny for Sirius, if you get my meaning), and her hair was curly. Nope, not Sirius's type at all. Plus, they were two of the three girls who the marauders still saw fit to prank, due to long-standing tradition. (The other being Lily Evans, of course.)

Sirius took a deep breath, and mentally prepared himself to lie.

"What are you doing here?" Sara demanded before Sirius could even open his mouth.

"My stuff is here," Sirius insisted, deciding that the truth was preferable, for once. "And honestly, I have as much of a right to be here as you do."

"Honesty? From you, Black?" Alanna's voice was dripping with sarcasm, and Sara looked at her friend in surprise. _Sara _had a right to be rude, she'd had to listen to Jemma drone on about Sirius for ages over the summer, but Alanna had endured none of that.

"Yes, and _honestly_ I need to be in here to set up a prank. For James, not you girls." And not that he wouldn't simply love to prank their polka-dotted socks off as well, but that could wait.

"Oh really?" Alanna seemed even more incensed, if that was possible. "And there I was naively thinking that you'd given up on pranks after you—argh!"

_Oh, _Sara thought, _that's why she's so mad._ At the end of last year, the marauders had stolen all of Alanna's robes and bewitched them to make them talk. For two days, Alanna had to put up with robes that sang lewd songs, spoke extensively about the weather in Transylvania, and corrected her grammar. By the end of that, she had quite understandably tried to drown Sirius's head in the toilet (the prank had been Sirius's idea). She hadn't succeeded in drowning him, but by the end of that encounter, she'd gotten in a few choice curses, and Sirius _did_ need a shower. Toilette water generally doesn't smell quite as sweet as begonias in the morning.

Sirius sighed; Alanna was still on about that little prank? It had been _funny_ for goodness sake, so why couldn't she just get over it already? "Oh come on girls, you don't like James any more than you like me. Just let me set a little something up for him."

The girls looked at each other, and Sirius had to fight not to sigh again. They were doing that annoying girl thing where they had conversations without speaking. He hummed for a moment, inspecting the rather dirty wall of the compartment.

"Alright, if you must," Sara finally agreed, "But if Alanna, Lily, or I get included in this prank of yours, you'll be sitting tender for the rest of the year."

Sirius gulped; smart girls could be so scary sometimes. But he had to start setting up if he wanted his evil plan to go as he had evilly planned it to go.

* * *

It was nearly 11:00, so James left Peter saying goodbye to his parents, and headed back to the compartment. He couldn't help being optimistic about the coming year. Quidditch wasn't the only thing he was looking forward to, either. He felt sure that this was the year that the marauders would really come into their prime. There was one reason for this. Animagus. The word had a nice ring to it. And James was sure this was the year, this was the time he would finally become one. Finally, Remus wouldn't have to be alone; his friends could safely keep him company as animals in ways no human could.

James remembered when he'd first found out the shape he would take as an animagus. He'd performed the spell perfectly, and he could see, in his mind's eye, something coming towards him. It was large and stately, and James could remember squinting, trying to get a better look, even knowing that it was just a vision, just a picture in his brain. When he'd finally been able to make out the magnificent stag he'd someday be able to change into at will, James had felt a shiver diffuse through his whole body. That was the day he'd first asked his friends to call him Prongs.

Still lost in the past, James pulled open the door to the compartment. Suddenly, out of thin air shot several multicolored sprays. From one direction, a purple goo came spirally towards James's face, coating it. Another spray, this one green slime, covered the left arm of James's robes. Red juice, blue liquid, yellow fluid, and orange glop came from other directions, painting James into a rather messy rainbow. He took a breath, fully planning on yelling his bloody brains out at Sirius, who had to be the foulest, most underhanded neanderthal who had ever set foot on the earth, but alas, that was his final mistake. The moment James opened his mouth, he was rewarded with the repulsive taste of pink goop, which is actually quite disgusting.

Sirius was laughing harder than he could remember doing since that prank on Alanna. "You look," he dissolved into maniacal laughter. "I can't believe how—" More laughter. "This is _so_ bloody perfect!"

Alanna and Sara, of course, were helpless, shaking with suppressed laughter. Finally, Alanna made a sound like an erupting volcano, and exploded into laughter. Sara, of course, saw no choice but to follow suit. For 6.31 minutes, these were the only sounds to be heard; there was laughter, giggling, hilarity, mirth, amusement, and a great deal of snorting.

It was just as everyone finally got themselves under some sort of control that the compartment door opened, and Peter Pettigrew lugged in his trunk. "I couldn't find you guys anywhere," he squeaked, "I thought—"Peter caught sight of James, covered in glop, and standing in a puddle of it. "I thought..." But it was no use, the thought was gone. Peter started laughing, softly at first, but then gaining in intensity until the rest of the compartment couldn't stand it any more. They all sat down and laughed until they cried.

Eventually, James found that his cognitive functions were once again under his own control. He spit a mouthful of pink goop out of his mouth, and took another breath, this one through his nose. Unfortunately, this brought up another problem. As disgusting as the many paints felt, and as repulsive as they tasted, it seemed that they smelled even worse. "Well," James began. The laughing came to a stuttering stop as everyone waited to hear his reaction. "If I can't go into the school feeling clean, smelling decent, or tasting good, at least I'll be there in style."

Which only made everyone laugh harder.

Lily yawned, prying open the compartment door, but an unpleasant surprise awaited within. "Eww," she stated majestically. "Something smells really bad in here."

"That would be me," James replied, embarrassed to be seen (and smelt) by his rival when he was in such a _delicate_ situation.

"I mean, worse than usual."

James rolled his eyes. "Notice anything, Evans? I'm multihued. It's not my fault I smell bad." As it happened, the pigments hadn't washed off, not even with magic.

Remus poked his head through the door behind Lily, and seemed surprised. Not surprised that James was "multihued" but surprised that the remaining marauders were in the same compartment as Lily's gang. "James, you stink."

"Thank you oh so kindly, dear friend of mine, I had no idea." James rolled his eyes again. One eye roll was worth a thousand words.

"Well," Remus said, after a pause, speaking for everyone in the compartment, "Won't _this_ be a test of our endurance."

"Yeah."

"Ew."

"I'm gonna be sick."

"Bloody hell."

"—sucks."

Sirius grinned. "Yeah, but you guys gotta admit this is cool."

He was silenced by a hail of projectiles...

* * *

The author suddenly realizes that it's 10:30 at night and she has to be up at 5:30 tomorrow morning to take a shower and get on the bus by 6:20 so she can be in school by 7. And she's got chemistry first period. That's it, there is no god.

Anyway, this is the longest chapter, by far. Clearly. And it's my favorite. So now you've finally met the friends...tell me what you think, please, I'd love to know. And I don't think Sirius is mean, I'm sure James would be doing the same thing to Sirius, but he's just not a morning person...

Let's see, so far I've been updating every day, but I promise that won't last, especially if I'm gonna have longer chapters like this. But I'll get 'em up as fast as I can.

Reviewers:

**Pinky the Snowman**: Hmm, nice work on the translating...your second definition was correct. FYI TO EVERYONE: destin can mean fate, destiny, or doom. Anyway, thanks a bundle for the review, I'm glad you enjoyed James's dancing debut.

**A Cute But Psycho Bunny**: Harrumph....well then _don't romp_ if it makes you happy...author stops pretending to be angry and starts grinning again...thank you for reading and reviewing though!

Next chapter, expect the start-of-term feast...possibly the first day of school, depending on the length...I'm not even sure who's POV is coming up. (By the way, do you prefer chapters with only one point of view, or many?) Anyway, you can expect chapter 5 up October 16, sometime in the AM (in my time zone, anywho). Have fun!

Questions? Comments? Compliments? Insults? Random Gibberish?

If you've got any of the above, please, I'm begging you, review for me!

Le Manchot du Destin

(What does it really mean?)


	5. Chapter 5, A Bid for Popularity

Hey, I've finally stopped procrastinating and am starting chapter 5...I know what you're thinking, and it's true, I only posted chapter 4 today, and I say I've been procrastinating...yes, sad but true, I got up at five-thirty this morning, took a shower, and then realized that I feel akin to crap. So I'm home sick and I've been procrastinating writing this all day. But here goes anyway...

JKR owns these characters,

She created them in her head.

I don't own any of them,

So I think I'll go to bed

my stab at DELIBERATELY bad poetry.

* * *

Chapter 5, A Bid for Popularity:

James took deep breath, and stepped out into the Great Hall. _Okay, _he thought, _operation Big Entrance, in effect, starting right now._ He did this every year, planning a way to reenter school in a way that would keep people talking for at least a week. Sure, he was popular now, but that could all change in a moment if he didn't keep up his performances.

This year's entrance was going to be easy; he was already in "costume," so now all he had to do was use it to his advantage. James grinned as an idea came to him, and he pulled his wand out of his back pocket (A/N: Yes, he keeps his wand in his back pocket, just like Harry...and yes, before anyone has to ask, his buttocks are still whole...the girls at Hogwarts certainly know that...).

With a single word, a red carpet came into existence at James's feet, rolling itself down between the tables, turning a corner, and ending at an empty seat at the Gryffindor table.

For a moment, the Great Hall was silent, but then it burst into cheering and laughter. James couldn't help but grin as he sauntered between the Slytherin and Ravenclaw house tables. The Slytherins booed at him; goodness knows they had reason enough to hate James, but James merely bowed in their direction, keeping a straight face with difficulty. The Ravenclaws, though, had far less hostile reaction. The girls were cheering, and James winked his right eye at them. The Ravenclaw boys were all laughing, and after a slight deliberation, James decided he'd be best off simply ignoring them. Hufflepuff and Gryffindor had much the same reaction, but in the case of the Gryffindors, it was far, far louder.

James finally couldn't stand it anymore; he broke into a grin as he took his seat between Remus and Sirius.

"Attention, everyone: please, quiet down, quiet down." Dumbledore had a great gift for getting the attention of his students, and he used it now. "Alright, then, I know you're all terribly hungry—"

There was another outburst from the students.

"I'm starving!"

"—haven't eaten in days!"

"—in months"

"—in years!"

Dumbledore laughed his quiet laugh, and the students calmed once again. "Well, if you've survived your hunger yet far, I suppose you'll be all right for another twenty minutes or so."

A groan echoed through the hall.

"And so, with no further ado, I give you, the sorting hat."

James looked away from the dais, he'd seen sortings year after year, and they were all the same. He glanced over the rest of the table. Most people, including Remus, Peter, Lily Evans, Alanna what's-her-face, and Sara Corner were still focused on the sorting. James winked at a pretty red-head whose name he didn't know, and continued his scan of the table. There. Sirius was paying almost as much attention to the sorting ceremony as James was, which is to say that he was ignoring it completely. The boys caught eachother's eyes, and started to plot.

"So tell me, Prongsie, what's in store for tomorrow?"

James grinned, he loved being in charge. "Oh, I don't know." He pretended to think for a moment. Then, "What do you say we start off the new semester with a bang? If you know what I mean."

"Definitely. But where? I'd hate to disrupt any is very important to me."

James rolled his eyes. "Oh, if you insist...I suppose we're due for an early breakfast tomorrow morning."

Sirius caught James's meaning immediately, and turned around to inform Peter of the plan.

James then turned to his other side, and poked Remus in the ribs. No response. James poked him again. Still no response. "Moony, buddy, come on!" James hissed.

Finally, Remus turned his head a few fractions of an inch. "James, will you stop it? I'm a prefect and I'd really like to pay attention for a little while."

"Well fine, then, but don't expect me to warn you about tomorrow's happenings." James could hardly believe how annoying Remus was being. Honestly, if being a prefect was going to turn him into such a goody-goody, James would rather he have nothing to do with it.

After what felt like an eternity, the sorting was over, and myriad foods appeared on serving dishes throughout the hall. James, however, was still in a sulk. Next to him, Remus sighed.

"James, I'm sorry I'm in such a bad mood. It's just, you know." Remus lowered his voice. "Full moon was a few days ago."

But James continued to say nothing, concentrating wholly on the food in front of him.

"Come on, James. Spill, you know you want to."

Finally, a grin suffused itself back onto James's face. "Okay. Tomorrow morning make sure you wake up early..." That was almost laughable coming from James, who _never_ got up early. "...and get straight down to breakfast. We'll have to eat quickly and work fast. By the time the rest of our distinguished student population shows up, we'll be ready."

Remus couldn't suppress a slight smile at the childish glee James was getting out of his plotting. But he refused to rise to the bait. "Sounds like fun," he murmured blandly.

James looked about to explode from pent-up energy. "_Don't you want to know what we're going to do?_" he asked, anticipation in every word.

"Oh, all right, I'll ask." Remus paused, then inflected his voice with drama, "_What are we going to do?_"

Abruptly, James turned back into the cool, confident guy he showed the world. "Oh, you know. Dung bombs. Not terribly original, I'm afraid, but we'll want to work up to the greater works of genius." You would never know that he'd been quivering with excitement a mere moment before.

Remus sighed; James could be like that sometimes. He would be so unguarded one minute, but the next he would transform back into the arrogant, popular James Potter, a completely different person than the one only the marauders saw. Remus turned to see if James wanted a response, but no, he was already engrossed in a conversation with Sirius, and Peter was hanging on their every word. Remus turned back to his food.

"So," James began, speaking to Sirius, "who's that blonde you wanted to ask out?"

Sirius spared a glance down the table, but Sara Corner was sitting out of earshot, with her two friends, Lily and Alanna. Sirius would rather Jemma's sister _didn't _know his intentions, as she was almost sure to try to interfere. "Jemma Corner. You went out with her for a month or so last winter."

James tried to remember the girl. And failed. "Er..."

"Sara Corner's twin."

James certainly knew _that _name. She'd been one of the girls in the compartment that day. _She _was one of the few girls that the marauders still pranked regularly. "Oh, yeah, I remember now. She was cute. And nice, but she was always off gossiping with her friends."

Sirius resisted the temptation to roll his eyes. Then he thought, _Oh, what the heck_ and rolled them anyway. "James, you've always got some reason to break up with those girls. It's not going to stop _me _from dating them."

"I know," James shrugged. "I just thought you ought to know."

"Okay, so I'll ask her out tonight. What about you, ol' pal. Who's to be _your_ first conquest of the year?"

"Huh," James glanced down the table, and located the red-head he'd noticed earlier. "What about that girl, with the red hair, brown eyes."

Sirius squinted and found the girl. "Oh, Kelsey Peters. Yeah, she looks cute."

James nodded, and with the night's mysteries solved, the boys dove back into their food with a passion.

* * *

The author smiles and hums to herself for a moment, having nothing of interest to say...

and YAY for **PinkyTheSnowman **for being awesome and reviewing me, and for talking to me on im right now and telling me to update. read her stuff, its AWESOME!

Well, I really don't have too much to say. This chapter is fairly short, and there's not much action; it's basically setting things up for the first day of school, and further happenings in further chapters. Don't yell at me for making James seem like a jerk, he HAS to be an arrogant, presumptuous idiot for a while, because _that's why Lily hates him._

In fact, next chapter, you will be getting a full explanation, direct from Ms. Lily Evans about exactly what it is about James that makes her so mad. In fact, everyone within a 2 mile radius of Lily will be receiving said explanation because she's got a fairly large voice when she chooses to use it.

Read'n'Review, all.

And if you get the chance, I've got another fic going now...it's gonna be interesting, so check out "Oddments and Essays"

LE MANCHOT DU DESTIN


	6. Chapter 6, What Not To Do

Let's get to it then...

If I owned Harry Potter or the characters in it, then I wouldn't be writing fanfiction about them. Obviously.

* * *

Chapter 6, What Not to Do:

It was early the next morning, Sunday, September 2nd, and Lily Marie Evans was fast asleep, dreaming about James. Not in a good way, but more in an oops-I-tripped-him-and-he-fell-off-a-cliff kind of way. It actually wasn't a bad dream. Then, just as James was about to hit rock bottom, Lily was woken by a yell. At first she thought it was James, still in her dream, coming to his end. Then she realized that while it was perfectly possible that James's scream was high-pitched and girly, well, it was highly unlikely that it was him.

Lily's left eye cracked itself open, and she saw that all the girls in the dormitory were awake. Reluctantly, she sat up to see what the fuss was.

Kelsey Peters, a petite red-haired year-mate of Lily's was jumping up and down squealing.

_I don't believe it_, Lily thought unhappily, _Kelsey just _had_ to pick today to be a perky morning person._

"Jemma," Kelsey shrieked at her best friend. "Jemma, ohmygod, HE ASKED ME OUT! I was downstairs really early this morning sending an owl, and when I got back, you'll never guess who I saw, it was JAMES POTTER and the rest of them, of course, and when he saw me, he was like, 'hi' and I didn't know what to do, so, you know, I just said 'hi' back and then I thought, 'whoa, I must sound _so_ stupid' but then he was like, 'Kelsey, you wanna come out with me sometime?' and I was like 'ohmygod, yes, of course' but I was thinking '_OHMYGOD YES OF COURSE'_ and now I'M GOING OUT WITH JAMES POTTER!"

Kelsey took a deep breath, which was something she'd neglected to do during her rant.

Jemma, fortunately, had more sense than her friend. "I'm sorry, guys," she apologized to Lily, Sara, and Alanna.

"It's all right," they mumbled, and watched as Jemma hustled Kelsey into the bathroom to 'prep' for breakfast.

"Damn," Sara cursed softly, "Now I'll never get back to sleep again."

"Why did James and his cronies have to pick _today_, of all days, to get up early?" Alanna moaned.

Suddenly, the girls were completely still, staring at eachother in horror.

Sara said what they were all thinking. "There's only reason the marauders would get up this early on a Sunday morning, and we all know what that is...they're pulling a prank.

Lily frowned. Really, it was a _Sunday_ the day after they'd arrived at school. It was (Lily checked her watch) _six o'clock in the morning. _And already, James had ruined her day. First, he'd deprived her of watching his demise by way of falling off a cliff. He'd been the reason Kelsey had woken the girls up so early. And now, _now he was going to pull a prank?_

"No," Lily stated, unaware that she'd even made a decision. "No, those filthy marauders are NOT going to pull a prank on _anyone. Not today._"

Alanna and Sara looked shocked. Up until now, Lily had been fairly passive regarding the pranks (except for that lone incident in third year, but still). Suddenly, Lily's eyes were flashing dangerously, and her tone of voice did not bode well for the first person to cross her today. Meaning James. Sara and Alanna wisely, got out of Lily's path as she hastily pulled on a bath robe and strode downstairs.

"Ouch," Sara said. "What a day this is gonna be."

* * *

Lily was downstairs in a flash, wand out, ready to squish one Mr. James Potter into a smooth cream sauce. He'd picked the wrong day to bother her.

She looked around, and spotted the four marauders, huddled in the corner of the common room by the fire. James was handing them each bulging bags.

"_I don't believe it_," Lily whispered in a deadly dangerous voice, even though she was having no trouble at all believing what she was seeing.

Lily stepped forward threateningly, and the part of her mind not broiling over with anger rejoiced at the fact that the boys were intimidated enough to step back out of her way. She caught Remus Lupin's eyes, and tried to tell him silently to _scram_ because really, he was so much better than his stupid friends.

He got the message apparently, and while he didn't leave the room, he did move to sit in an armchair out of Lily's direct line of fire.

Lily refocused on the three remaining marauders. "Not even in school for 24 hours, and already, you're making everyone's lives a misery? What is your problem?"

James opened his mouth to speak, but Lily cut him off. "Oh, I know, you think you're SO BLOODY GREAT," Lily barely noticed that her voice was crescendo-ing into a mighty roar. "You prance around all day, on your RED CARPET telling people how much BETTER THAN THEM YOU THINK YOU ARE. You pull STUPID PRANKS for NO REASON AT ALL, just to make BLOODY PAINS of yourselves!"

Lily took a breath, but she refused to let James get in a word until she was finished. "Well GUESS WHAT? You're no better than anyone else, not ONE LITTLE BIT. You've no more maturity than a HAMSTER, and all your brains put together WOULDN'T FILL AN EGGCUP! If you pull one more bloody prank, JUST ONE MORE, I will go to Dumbledore, and GET YOU EXPELLED. YOU DESERVE IT!"

Lily stood there, breathing rapidly and still menacing her wand at the boys in front of her. No one said anything.

Finally, James raised his right eyebrow. "Finished, Evans?" he asked coolly.

Lily glared at him, and if looks could kill, he'd be hurtling off that cliff again.

"You set off those dung bombs and you'll find out just how finished I am."

James yawned and shrugged his shoulders. "Come on guys, I think I fancy a little toast. It's just a bit too...scary for me in here right now."

"LEAVE THE BAGS!"

"Jeez, Evans, calm down," Sirius muttered under his breath, "Wouldn't want to get your panties in a bunch."

Peter was the only one still looking uneasy. "Maybe we shouldn't do this today."

He cringed as James and Sirius turned their own stony glares onto him. "I mean, maybe we should do it some day when we have classes, to—to cause more damage."

James paused, then shrugged again. "Fine, prank postponed." He glanced nonchalantly at Lily, "Now, if we may be excused?" But he didn't wait for an answer, just brushed right by her on his way down to breakfast.

Sirius smirked as he followed, and Peter scampered behind them. Lupin was the only one to spare Lily a sympathetic glance before he, too, disappeared out of the portrait hole, heading down to breakfast.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Lily was on her way down to breakfast. Sara and Alanna weren't with her; despite Sara's claims, they'd been perfectly able to fall back asleep. Lily, however, had the same chances of falling asleep again as she did of....marrying James. Basically, you'd have to drug her up to the roots of her hair before either could possibly occur. (And even if that happened and she someday married James, well, they'd be divorced by morning anyhow.)

So clearly, Lily had the choice of either getting dressed and going down to breakfast, or going back up into the dormitory and listening to Sara snore. Not a great choice, so Lily compromised by getting dressed and heading to breakfast as slowly as she could.

Even so, it only took her twenty minutes. Sometimes Lily really wished she wore makeup. (She would have worn makeup but for the simple fact that she'd had a bad experience in art class when she was younger...the paint hadn't washed off her face for weeks.)

Unfortunately, the marauders were still at the house table when Lily arrived. She surveyed the table, and decided to sit down next to them, even though it was early enough that there were still plenty of empty spaces.

"Hello Remus," Lily said conversationally, pointedly ignoring the other boys.

She noticed that Kelsey and Jemma were also at the table. "Morning Jemma."

Kelsey didn't deserve a hello after this morning's scene.

Remus and Jemma both answered Lily's greeting. Sirius and Peter were absorbed in conversation, and Kelsey didn't even seem to notice the snub.

But James did. Damn him for being a jerk who was not only arrogant and annoying, but also observant. "Good morning, Ms. Evans," he said, at his snottiest.

Kelsey and Jemma started their own conversation, but Remus was still watching the exchange between Lily and James.

Lily raised her left eyebrow, "Well, look at this, King Potter seems to have come down off his throne to notice little old me. Shall I curtsy?"

James could recognize a challenge when he heard one. He raised his right eyebrow. "Well, it would be nice, but it's all right, I don't expect good manners from the likes of you."

Lily controlled her temper, wondering why it was suddenly causing her so much trouble. Up until this morning, she'd never had any trouble brushing off James's pranks and moving on. Well, except for that incident in third year. But anyway, what had changed?

Lily decided to hit James where it would hurt. Metaphorically, of course. "Oh, it's all right, Potter, I know you're just jealous that I beat you in the finals last year."

James's right eyebrow was in imminent danger of disappearing into his wildly tangled hairline, and even his left eyebrow was beginning to rise. "Please, Evans," he drawled, "we both know I could have bested you easily if I'd bothered studying. And it's all right; I know you're just jealous that I chose Kelsey over you." He placed a possessive arm over his girlfriend's shoulders.

Lily almost retched, and her mind was crying out in distress. _Eeew, _she thought, terrified, _NO WAY._

Remus, too, looked surprised. He looked questioningly at James, who didn't notice, then turned his piercing grey eyes onto Lily, looking thoughtful.

Lily's voice was ice as she replied. "James, there is one thing that you will not do, one thing that you will never even consider. I hate you, more than I hate anything or anyone else in the world. The very idea of that hate abating in the slightest puts me in danger of losing my breakfast." Lily was speaking slowly, none of her earlier anger in her voice. She wanted James to catch every word. "You will never, _never_, speak of me and you in any context other than that of enemies, of competitors. _Never._"

Lily got up from the table, leaving behind the boys, not to mention her half-eaten toast.

* * *

The author is forced to metaphorically slam her bedroom door against one Mr. James Potter, who is just _dying_ to tell all of you what he thinks of that. Muahahahaha.

Next chapter, you get exactly that. In fact, I think it may start up exactly where this one left off...

Everybody READ and REVIEW! Don't forget also, that I've got another story, "Oddments and Essays," so read that one, too. And coming soon, a nutty collaboration between **PinkyTheSnowman **and me.

Reviewers, I love you!!!

**PinkyTheSnowman**: You're just plain wonderyful. Siriusly. And I've completely lost the concept of "bed time" since I've started talking to you. Heehee, well, that's okay because I'm having FUN.

**A Cute But Psycho Bunny**: Wow, I'm glad I'm surprising you, and making you laugh. Yeah, well, "player" or not, we are _so _going to teach Mr. Potter a lesson, hmmm?

**Gaby-Black**: Yay! I was worried you'd gotten fed up and abandoned me. Thanks a bundle for reviewing.

**Stephxd**: Yay! I merited the word "awesome!" Well, hey, I think you're awesome, too.

**Dobbyfan18**: I like your name. And I am a firm believer in random gibberish, so we ought to get along real well. Thanks for reviewing!

**Gillybear**: Aah! The new week is about to start so I'm not sure how much updating I'll be able to do. And I'm so HAPPY that you're enjoying this. Heeheehee.

Most sincerely,

Le manchot du destin.


	7. Chapter 7, Why Not?

JK Rowling owns Harry Potter and co. I'm not JK Rowling. You do the math.

This chapter starts write where the last one left off, so if you don't remember, go back and read it again......Oh, I see, too lazy to do that? _Sigh. _Fine, I'll summarize. Lily gets too little sleep and blames the marauders, mainly James. She has several stunning arguments, the last one occurring over breakfast. She likens him to a hamster and mocks him for getting a lower grade on the finals than she did. His comeback is that Lily's just jealous of his new girlfriend. Lily informs James that the very thought sends chunks up her throat. Lily walks away. End of chapter. There ya go, you lazy bums, now go ahead and read chapter 7.

* * *

Chapter 7, Why Not?

James Potter watched Lily depart with an unreadable expression on his face. _Huh,_ he thought sourly, _I know we don't get along that well, but it's no reason to openly mock me smack in the middle of the bloody Great Hall! _He shook his head, Lily was being completely unreasonable.

"What's up with her?" he demanded to no one in particular. "We were just trying to have a little fun."

Remus just looked at him, his own face thoughtful. James's face wasn't quite so unreadable to someone who had been his best friend for four years. Darn, Remus wasn't going to take his side, then, just sit there _thinking_.

James turned to Sirius, trying to find someone to complain to. No luck there, either; Sirius was completely involved in his conversation with Peter, and Peter was completely involved in trying to keep Sirius's wild hand gestures from knocking over the pumpkin juice.

A sullen frown pasted itself firmly onto James's features, which only served to make him look cute and sulky. Too cute for his own good, or anyone else's, if you were to ask Lily Evans. And he knew it.

Slowly, an idea began to form in James's head. That was how the best ones came, not rushing, just slipping unhurriedly into consciousness. James sat, completely still, for a whole minute, letting his plans form in their entirety.

Gradually, he once again became aware of his surroundings, of the general chatter that was infecting the Great Hall now that it was getting later, and of the happy chomping of students eating their breakfasts.

James felt his right eyebrow moving up his forehead, and an evil grin forming on his lips. His plotting face, and his friends knew it well. Most people did, having often enough been of the receiving ends of various pranks from the marauders throughout the years. That face meant trouble.

Jemma, undoubtedly recognizing the signs of a prank in process, decided her time would be best spent somewhere else. She gathered Kelsey up, and both girls left as inconspicuously as possible.

Not everyone reacted to this famous visage so pessimistically. Sirius was the first to notice, though he was facing away from James and had recently sent a whole platter of scrambled eggs flying through the air with one of his gestures. He spun, ignoring the sickening _thwack_ the platter sounded as it made contact with someone's nose.

"Prongs, you devil, spill it right now."

James could almost feel his embarrassment at the degradation Lily had inflicted on him, as it melted away. His confidence and arrogance returned, full force. "Well, you see, I was just thinking about a certain person. Surname of Evans. You know who I'm talking about?"

Only Peter was unable to refrain from stating the obvious. "Duh"

James shot him a dirty look, and continued. "Well, she's just been so helpful as to let me know exactly what makes her want to throw up."

Sirius gave a start. "You dating her makes her want to throw up, Prongs."

James was surprised. "I thought you weren't paying any attention."

Sirius didn't answer, but James thought he could hear the words "duh," "marauder," and "James you idiot" through Sirius's muttering.

"James, you're getting off topic," Remus cut off the conversation between his two friends. "What, exactly are you trying to say?"

James just grinned; his friends were smart, they could figure it out.

And they did. Peter gasped and Remus's eyes widened in surprise. Sirius was immobilized by shock.

"Wait, you couldn't—But, it's not—" Sirius knew he was stuttering but this was not your typical prank. "Surely even you wouldn't go that far. Not just to annoy Lily Evans."

But Remus had another concern. "James, what if she takes it seriously? You could really do some emotional damage there."

To his credit, James did stop to think this concern over. "Look," he said slowly, "Lily Evans is smart, first in our class. She'll figure it out."

Remus just looked at his friend.

"It would be fine, Moony," Peter piped up. "You and Evans looked pretty chummy on the train ride. If she didn't figure it out, you could always tell her."

James slapped Peter on the back. "Good man, Wormtail." He turned back to Remus. "See? I don't want to fool her or anything; I'm just looking for the shock value. It ought to send her right up the wall that I would even _dare_ to ask her out."

He could see it, too. Lily would be so surprised, then suddenly her face would change, her right eyebrow would go up, and _bang_ she'd get him with some witty comment. _Or maybe not, _James thought, _the way things have been going, she's more likely to blow up in my face._

James made a face at the air in front of his head, causing his friends to smile. But he was stuck in his thoughts, and didn't notice them. Well, it was always fun to make people angry, but Lily was the only one who actually injected thought into her arguments, or at least, she usually did. It was a challenge to come off better in an argument with Lily, and James was always up for a challenge. Plus, arguing with her was so much more _interesting_ than arguing with other people.

"Well, let's have it then," James said, pulling himself back to the present. "Yay or nay?"

"Duh," said Sirius.

"Definitely," said Peter.

Remus just looked at his friends, undecided.

"Please," wheedled James, "Oh, Moony, pretty please with sugar on top. And whipped cream and cherries and sprinkles and chocolate sauce? Please?"

"And doughnuts," Sirius added in.

"And doughnuts," James supplemented onto the list of junk food he was putting on his "please."

Remus sighed. Why had Dumbledore made him a prefect if not to keep a handle on his friends? And goodness knew how impossible _that _was. "Well..."

"Well?" James prompted.

"Alright, fine, but you are to make _absolutely sure_ that Lily knows it's only a joke."

"Oh, I will," James said, relishing the thoughts running through his head. This was going to be _fun._

* * *

James hadn't a clue where Lily had gone off to after breakfast, and he didn't really care. She was probably at the library, or off visiting with Madam Pomphrey, who she rather liked, strangely enough. He'd formed his plan, and he didn't need to carry off right away. Plus, it would be much better if he tried it when there were witnesses.

So, to celebrate the beginning of a new school year, a prank well-planned, and the fact that Sirius and James both had new girlfriends, the boys headed off to play some Quidditch.

Most people were settling in, unpacking their trunks, and reuniting with friends they hadn't seen all summer, and so the pitch was empty. The four friends tramped silently down to it, each thinking their own thoughts, each lit with anticipation for the new opportunities the coming year would bring.

Usually, when the marauders were playing by themselves, they split into two groups, James (Gryffindor team captain and one of three chasers) and Peter (hopeless), against Sirius (Gryffindor beater) and Remus (so-so). There was no point in using all the balls, so it was only the quaffle that they used, and both of the boys on each team played both chaser and keeper.

They spent four hours out there on the pitch, playing until sweat dripped down into their eyes, then coming down to laugh and tease, only to take off into the air again ten or fifteen minutes later. Four hours of Quidditch and jokes, and the marauders were ready to head back for a late lunch.

"Oh, come on, Moony," Sirius teased, "there must be _some_ girl out there special enough to be your girlfriend."

"Yeah, mate, you shouldn't be so picky," laughed James.

Remus smiled at his friends, but felt a small, hurt part of him draw back. They could laugh and joke all they wanted, but he knew he could never have a girlfriend, not with his _illness_ he couldn't. But Remus didn't want to dampen the mood, so he laughed along and tried to forget his misfortunes, at least for the time being.

Passing by the lake on their way to the school, they boys noticed a disturbance. The giant squid was basking in the noon-time sunshine, as well it should be. It was a gorgeous day, and squids and humans alike were enjoying the sunny weather.

Of course, not everyone at Hogwarts had been there before, and of the new people, several were shrieking and laughing as the squid rolled over in the lake. It was probably only looking for some peace and quiet in the sun, poor thing.

Sirius was surprised. Oh, he knew there were muggle-borns out there, and they'd probably wet their pants in amazement at some of the things wizards saw every day. But this? This was beyond pant-wetting, which was funny. No, this had progressed to offensiveness. Clearly some people didn't have any regard for the feelings of anyone other than themselves.

"Bloody, self-absorbed little prats," Sirius muttered under his breath, and he noticed his friends look at him in surprise. None of them seemed surprised at the antics of the other students. Though they certainly didn't agree with the "abuse" of the squid, neither did they seem ready to step out and let their opinions be heard.

Sirius sighed dramatically; so it was up to him to prove his reputation as the loud, obnoxious marauder, once again. He drew a deep breath.

"OY! FIRST YEARS!" They looked up, surprised.

Sirius sauntered easily into the center of the group of first years, leaving his friends with a grimace.

"Welcome to Hogwarts, I'm Sirius Black, one of the perfect prefects." Sirius puffed up his chest and tried to sound as pompous as possible. "This, dear friends," he gestured maturely at the lake, "is a Squidos Gigantuous, known commonly as the Giant Squid of Hogwarts School."

Sirius heard James give an almighty snort. _Honestly, _Sirius thought, _for all James's leadership, he's not a great liar. If he's not careful, he'll alert the first years that I'm just a lunch bag full of bologna. And I was hoping they wouldn't figure that out for a few weeks, at least._ Sirius shot James a glare that was all business, and James clamped closed his jaws on the emerging laughter.

"Now," Sirius turned back to the gullible first years, and continued his speech. "Usually, Squidos is the perfect little dear. He helps out with homework, teaches swimming, and even comforts bereaved students." Sirius smiled to himself, hearing the lies leap glibly from his tongue. It was nice being back at school. But then...

One of the first years, a girl with yellow hair and squinty eyes frowned at Sirius. "So? I don't care if your stupid Squidward can play Beethoven's fifth symphony on the piano or what. _I _just want to have a bit of fun with my friends." She turned around, and chucked her quill at the large lump that was the giant squid.

That was just too much. Sirius clenched his fingers around his broom, not wanting to be expelled on the first day of school for strangling a first-year.

He faked shock and concern. "Be careful," he hissed at the squinty girl, using a stage-whisper to make sure the other students could hear him. "Squidos only eats once every 228 years, but when he does..." Here, Sirius lowered his voice, and all the other students leaned in to make sure they could hear him. "BAM!" Everybody jumped. Sirius went back to his whisper, "when he does, students mysteriously disappear, ripped out of their beds at night. Students that insult him, and throw quills at them, they're always the first ones to go."

Sirius saw the looks of awe and fear on the faces of the first-years, and inside, he grinned, even as his face remained grave. His work was done, and it was time to abandon the scene of the crime. He turned to leave.

"Wait!" yelled one of the other girls, who had stringy black hair. "You said every 229 years." _Two hundred twenty-eight,_ Sirius corrected mentally. "When...when's the next time?"

Sirius spun to face the girl. "Hadn't you heard? It was supposed to be last year, but he fasted. I'd image he'd be awfully hungry by now." And that was as good a parting shot as any.

Sirius strode back to his friends, every inch the prefect he was impersonating.

"You bloody fake," James spoke around his laughter. "Lying to first-years? How low of you."

Sirius grinned, knowing that James had enjoyed every moment of it. "I wasn't lying, just being helpful."

Remus raised his eyebrows, both of them.

"What? They were little white lies. And the first-years will benefit from them. Better if they think that 'Squidos' is going to eat them and stop being such pricks," Sirius defended himself.

"Better than what?" James wanted to know.

"Better than if we have to take things into our own hands. Being gulped down by an angry squid is nothing compared to what I'll do to them if I ever catch them abusing our squid again."

Remus looked surprised. "Is that what it was about? You wanted them to stop bothering the squid?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Yeah, what did you think?"

But Remus just smiled. "Do I detect a hint of maturity? Did you just do something nice for someone other than yourself?"

Sirius looked affronted. Not because Remus was implying that he was immature, but because Remus was saying outright that he _was_ mature. "Maturity, me? Who do you think you're talking to, Remus, the mirror?"

The marauders all laughed, savoring the joke.

"Nope, sorry Remus, the only mature one here is you. I'm just along for the ride." Sirius made a funny face. But a part of him was happy, thinking that, gosh and golly, he was finally showing signs of _maturity_, and it hadn't been boring at all. Maybe he could make it in the adult world after all.

* * *

At dinner that night, all the marauders were fidgety, just waiting for the right time to spring their latest trap. James in particular squirmed so much during dessert that he knocked over a whole tray of treacle pudding. Not that he minded, as he absolutely despised treacle pudding, but still.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Peter asked nervously. "What if she gets angry and yells at us again?"

"Oh, come on," James said easily, ignoring the moths playing Quidditch in his stomach. "You were on my side earlier."

"But—"

"No buts," Sirius interjected. "You're in or you're out. And besides, it's our duty as marauders to carry this out."

"How do you figure that?" Remus sounded amused.

"Well, see, Ms Evans gave us, meaning everyone within shouting distance, a guide to her life. A sort of 'What Not to Do To Lily Evans' guide. And we, as marauders, are required to ask the timeless question of 'why not?' If we don't do our duty, then who will, hmm?"

James gave an apprehensive laugh, "Man's got a point."

"Here, here," said Peter, somewhat reluctantly.

"Too late to turn back now," was Remus's response.

The four marauders shared another grin before returning to their food. This was going to be a good prank, and the thing about good pranks is their unpredictability. So the marauders sat and brooded, waiting for the perfect moment to arrive, and wondering what would happen when it did.

Finally, though, the moment approached, creeping in silently and sidling up to the table so carefully that no one spotted it. The moment waited for a mere second before tapping James on the back. He grinned. Time for action.

* * *

The author laughs cold-heartedly at all you people who want to know how Lily's going to react. Scream, yell, and throw pointy objects? (Yes, **Cain's Snake**, you're right, that is quite tempting) Or maybe she'll manage a witty comeback. Or maybe the act will fool her and she'll accept. And what if Kelsey finds out? And Lily's friends? Oh yes, this is an evil author indeed. She smiles and sits back to watch you suffer.

Okay, then, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It was actually quite vertically able. Meaning long. Oh yes, I finally squirted out a nice, long chapter, 8 pages on Microsoft Word. (One thing I noticed this chapter is how many words started with "squ"....oh yes, everyone was squirting and squirming, and there was a squid who I called Squidos and Squidward, and goodness me, but doesn't that end up being quite a few squ's)

I'd always appreciate reviews, they spur me on, and the next chapter comes sooner if I've got something to motivate me...other than my natural talents of procrastination. Of course, you can always read my other work-in-progress, "Oddments and Essays"...I'm working on an interesting next chapter of that one. And now posted is the first chapter of a collaboration! **PinkyTheSnowman** and I formed a new account, **SiriuslyInsane62442** and we'd both be simply spiffed if you stopped by to take a look-see at our new humor/parody fic, called "Trouble with Evil Monkeys"

Okay, and now a big thank you to all of those wonderyful people who take time out of their own lives to make mine worth living. No, not the psychiatrists, the REVIEWERS!

(Btw, the order of reviews is opposite of the order they were submitted in....it's just easier that way...)

**Jedicren: **Thanks so much, you make me feel so special, and yeah, author alert list is a great place to find good authors. So happy to make you laugh, too, I'm glad I'm not the only one snorting away at my computer.

**Gaby-Black:** My first ever reviewer and still reading my stuff. _Tear._ If you get a chance, read her story, "Here with Me." It's great.

**Cain's Snake:** Yeah! Hooked is good. I'm glad you think my story is different. I'll try to keep Lily from hurling sharp objects at James, but I can't promise anything. Maybe I'll keep to heavy objects, and just when he really deserves it.

**Tritania:** Wow, you speak 3 languages? I'm impressed. I speak English and some classroom French. Thanks so much for reviewing. (My username means "Penguin of Doom")

**A Cute But Psycho Bunny:** Yes, "wtf??!!!" A very apt description of how one feels when they find that they're in love with someone they hate...but that won't be for a while...I've got to draw it out and make y'all suffer for a trice first...and yes, Bob, Jamsie-poo.

**DobbyGrl:** YEAH! Five "Luv"s have to be a good thing, write? I love it when people actually enjoy the senseless drivel that pours out of me when I sit down at the computer. I'm SO HAPPY that you're enjoying this story as much as I am.

**Stephxd:** Yay, I'm so glad you like. Great? You think I'm great? Well I think you're great! (Lol, sorry, I couldn't resist).

**Gillybear:** Wahoo! My stuff is worth reading. And the updates won't be quite so quick now since I've got so much going on (drama, soccer, homework, etc, the list goes on and on). I'll still update at least once a week though, never fear.

**PinkyTheSnowman**: Thanks so much, as always. Muahahahaha, if you won't tell me about the piano, i won't tell you what's going to happen here. Everybody, read her "Reviving what was once thought forever lost" Which is finished..sniff, sniff. Write, Pinky?

Yes! Another chapter done, and I think I'll go do my English homework as I should have been doing all along. Enjoy, read, and review!!!!!!!!!

Le manchot du destin

(The penguin of doom)


	8. Chapter 8, This is Just the Beginning

Once upon a time, a gifted person had a wonderful idea on a very long train ride. She went home and wrote, and wrote, and wrote, and finally was able to publish her idea in the form of the Harry Potter series. Unfortunately, that person is not me. I didn't think of Harry Potter, and I'm certainly not going to try to make money off of any of this. So don't sue me.

Hey people! Home sick Friday, and we're coming into a weekend where my mom wants me to stay home and rest (other than soccer game and tryouts for indoor soccer, which I'm _insisting_ on going to). Which is good for you because it means you'll be getting chapters faster. Just so you know, I spent the morning planning out the basic timeline for all of years 5 and 6 (would have done 7, too, but my attention span evaporated). I can tell you that this is gonna be a rather long fic. Please, stay interested, and keep reviewing, because that keeps _me _interested...

Chapter 7 was too long for me to summarize, suffice it to say that the "moment" had arrived. Lily's in for a shock.

* * *

* * *

Chapter 8, This is Just the Beginning:

Lily sat down for dinner, feeling relaxed and happy. Her day, which had started out so poorly, had redeemed itself. Lily had spent it unpacking, and laughing and talking with Sara and Alanna, both of whom were relieved that Lily had lost her tense demeanor of the morning, and had turned back into the friend they knew and loved.

They were all surprised, though, when Jemma came over and took the empty seat next to Alanna.

"Why aren't you sitting with your boyfriend?" Sara asked, eying her twin suspiciously, but Lily interrupted before Jemma could answer.

"It doesn't matter, Jemma, you're always welcome here with us. Especially if it means you're not with the _marauders_ over there." Lily said marauder as though it were the lowest insult in her vocabulary. Clearly, she hadn't forgiven them, even if she had temporarily stopped screaming at them.

Jemma laughed. "Gosh, Lily, they're not as bad as you make them out. Although they _are _planning something. They keep jabbering nonsense and knocking things over, so I figured I'd come over here before I got something on my new robes."

"Well, you're welcome to sit here," Lily laughed. "For the sake of your robes if nothing else." Lily glanced over at the marauders, and saw that it was true; they were all as jumpy as could be.

Lily saw James glance in her direction, and she quickly focused her gaze on Remus instead. The last thing an arrogant jerk like James needed was to see a girl staring at him. He got enough of that from people like Kelsey.

Through the corner of her eye, Lily watched James lean over and whisper something to the other marauders. They nodded, and he sat back. Then he jumped as if someone had tapped him on the shoulder (even though no one was there, the idiot). And looked at Lily. Again. Then he got up and made his way over to where Lily and her friends were sitting.

"Not again," Lily moaned. "Didn't they get enough of tormenting me this morning?"

Jemma grinned, "I more got the feeling that you were tormenting them."

Lily frowned and opened her mouth, but it was at that moment that James arrived.

"Hey, Lily," He said cheerfully, not seeming to notice the other girls.

"It's Evans to you, Potter," Lily replied stiffly.

"Right, well, I just wanted to apologize for earlier." James didn't seem put off in the slightest by the fact that Lily obviously wanted nothing to do with him. "You, know, for..." He paused, not knowing what, exactly, he was apologizing for. "For upsetting you and all. I didn't mean to."

Lily stared at the boy in front of her, submitting him to a silent scrutiny. There was no way he had just come over here to apologize. No, he had another reason. But what could it be?

"Fine," Lily said, deciding that the best course of action would be to simply get rid of James as quickly as possible. "Apology accepted." Then she just looked at him.

James still didn't seem to get the point. "D'you guys mind if I sit down?" he asked.

Lily stifled a strong urge to say 'no.' That would be just a little _too_ rude. Even though it was James Potter. She shrugged noncommittally instead.

Sara and Alanna looked suspicious.

"Girls," Sara corrected. "We're girls, not guys."

James somehow still managed to ignore the obvious hostility. Lily was impressed in spite of herself. Either James was thicker than he looked (which would be difficult) or he was a really good actor.

James sat down, smiling honestly, and Lily actually felt bad about acting so unreceptive to his attempt to be friendly.

Lily opened her mouth. Nothing came out. Reluctantly, she forced the words past her lips. "I'm sorry for acting so antagonistic just now. And for yelling at you earlier." She fought the urge to add 'even if you deserved it.' That would just negate the apology, and she'd have to start over again.

Something appeared briefly in James's face, but he quickly squashed the emotion, whatever it was. Surprise? Glee? Or something else?

"Look, Lily..."

Lily didn't correct him on the name.

"...I actually came over to ask you something. Um, I know it's out of the blue, but, Lily, d'you—would you please go out with me?"

The Great Hall was suddenly, either by accident or design, completely silent.

* * *

A sneak peak into the consciousness of Lily Evans:

Lily's brain halted, focused on that one question, and her thought processes came to a complete stand still. Then, slowly, her brain restarted, working overtime to make up for the four to five seconds for which it had been completely dead to the world.

She blinked, neurons working furiously. _JamesPotterIsSittingThereLookingAtMe...ExpectingSomething...WhatDoesHeWant?...HeAskedMeSomethingHeAskedMeToGoOutWithHim...HeUUGH!_

Lily's brain caught up.

At first she thought he was serious. She stared at James, trying to figure out what had happened there. But wait, there it was again, that emotion from when she'd apologized earlier. But this time she recognized it. Damn him, it _was_ glee. The bloody prat was _pranking her!_

She fought an automatic gag reflex, then fought the urge that was telling her to slap that weasel as hard as possible. Then fought the urge to stick her fork into his smirking face.

He _was_ smirking, too. It was now quite obvious to Lily that this was the prank he'd been anticipating. She'd told him the one thing that would annoy her more than anything else, the more fool her. And he, being James Potter, Arrogant Prat of the Fifth Year, was determined to use it against her. Damn him.

Lily mastered each impulse as it came, resisting the urges to hurt him, maim him, and kill him. That wouldn't be appropriate, not in the middle of dinner. She briefly considered kissing him, just to teach him a lesson, just to teach him that there were certain things one simply did not use as pranks. But that idea was discarded almost immediately. James Potter, Arrogant Prat of the Fifth Year, would doubtless be able to stomach more of that than Lily Evans, Prefect and Well-Rounded Student, ever could.

No, the best course of action would be to get rid of him quickly and with as little fuss as possible. Well, maybe with a little bit of fuss.

_Okay, _Lily thought to herself, _here goes nothing._

* * *

Back into the real world:

"Lily, d'you—would you please go out with me?"

The Great Hall was suddenly, whether by accident of design, completely silent.

For a full five seconds, Lily's face was frozen in a picture of pure surprise. Then she blinked. Four and a half more seconds passed.

Her eyebrow, the right one, of course, rose up her forehead, stopping just short of her hair line, and making quite the grand statement.

When Lily spoke, though, her voice wasn't tinged with anger, nor with shock, and it most certainly did not carry the slightest hint of happiness. No, Lily's voice was filled with irony, irony mixed with just the tiniest hint of sarcasm. "Really, Potter, I thought we discussed this earlier. We decided that you shared the characteristics of a hamster, and were slightly better-looking than a skunk."

There was laughter, but Lily didn't turn her head to see who was laughing. She continued to look level-headedly at James.

"Actually, we didn't talk about skunks," James insisted.

"But we ought to have," Lily countered. "Especially with the way you smelled on the train."

A brief pause. Then, "Lils, we're getting off topic. Let's not talk about me. Let's talk about us."

Lily's left eyebrow shot up to join her right one. Damn Potter for setting her off balance again with his corny lines. And it was just when she'd gotten the upper hand. _Focus,_ Lily told herself, _focus on embarrassing him and getting him to go AWAY._

Deep breath. Lily forcibly pushed her left eyebrow down again. She opened her mouth to say something, anything to get herself back in control of the situation.

But James was faster. "Come on, Lily, you're pretty, smart, involved in everything. We could have so much fun. Just say yes. Please?" He focused his best puppy-dog eyes on her.

_NO,_ Lily snapped her lips closed against the word; the last thing she wanted was to let James Potter know that his prank had gotten under her skin. But it had. Lily might not care about James Potter and his _romantic attentions_, but she was a minority in that respect. She didn't even want to consider what everyone else in the Great Hall was thinking about this _scene _Potter was making over her.

Oh, yes, Lily was mad as heck.

"My name is Evans," Lily snapped, unable to keep her mouth shut any longer. "Don't call me Lily, and _never_ call me Lils. That's a right reserved for my _friends_."

James faked surprise. At least Lily thought he was faking. She was so angry, and he was such a good actor, well, things were blurring a bit. "Lily—" Then he drew back, visibly hurt. "...Evans. I didn't know you felt that way. I—" His voice broke. "I'll try not to bother you again. Sorry for interrupting your dinner." He stood up and walked uncertainly out the doors of the Great Hall, leaving the rest of the students sitting in their seats, stunned.

Everyone remained that way for a moment, but then the remaining marauders broke the tableau by rushing out to "comfort" their bereaved friend.

As talking once again broke out at all of the house tables, people seemed almost to forget the whole incident. Well, except for the students, girls mostly, who continued to shoot knife-like glares at Lily.

The first of Lily's friends to move was Alanna. She smiled, then started to laugh.

Lily frowned at her, but Alanna kept laughing.

"Lily, you didn't keep your promise. You said you'd throw up on him."

Lily's scowl deepened, but now Sara was laughing too.

"Oh, come on Lily, at least he didn't set off those dung bombs at breakfast..."

Lily was still glowering with all her might.

But then Jemma started to speak. "Lily, what if he was serious? I think you really hurt his feelings."

And then Lily couldn't stand it anymore. She started laughing too.

* * *

Outside, James was also laughing. He couldn't stop. Not when he'd tripped on the stairs and fallen down, not when Remus, Sirius, and Peter had come out to congratulate him, and not any time since. No, he couldn't stop laughing, not for anything.

Sirius wasn't quite as bad, though he was certainly chuckling fit to burst for a while. "James, did you see her face?"

The answer was yes, even if James couldn't get enough breath to voice it properly. Yes, he'd seen the unadulterated shock on the face of Lily Evans when he'd popped the question. He'd waited a full nine and a half seconds, then seen her right eyebrow lift. And then she'd hit him with a witty comeback. Just as he'd predicted. She'd been holding her own for a moment, too, but he was James Potter, and he wasn't planning on letting her win this battle. He had cut her off, then, pretending shock of his own when she had declined his offer. If there was one thing a marauder knew how to do, it was act, and it had taken hardly any acting at all to convince the entire student body that Lily Evans had broken his heart.

Oh yes, things had gone according to plan. And now James was sitting in a pile of dirt, laughing his head off at the success of it all.

Finally, he wiped his eyes, and looked up at his friends, standing above him.

"Damn, but that was good."

"The best," Peter agreed eagerly.

"A classic," Sirius stated.

Even Remus was forced to admit it had been funny.

Sirius laughed, "Geez, James, she knew what you were up to and she couldn't do a thing." He turned to Remus. "See? Evans was smart; she knew what was going on. And it only made the whole prank funnier."

"James," Remus tried to calm his friend down. The bouts of laughter were starting to get a tad alarming. "It was funny, but it wasn't that funny."

"But it was," James felt he had to make Remus understand. "Moony, this is Lily Evans, prefect, straight-A student. She wouldn't be caught dead obsessing over a boy, and _certainly_ not over a boy like me. She told us, point blank, that she'd rather I pranked her all day long than go out with me." Here James couldn't help but start to laugh again. "See, Moony, pranking her is no big deal any more, after four years of that she's seen it all. Now we have to get creative." James felt the excitement building in him, knowing that this was the start of something big.

"And we did get creative," he continued. "We did it, we've got her. The one thing she can't stand is me, _so that's what we'll give her._

"From now on, I'm in love with Lily Marie Evans. Got it?"

There was silence. They'd all been surprised to find that James Potter would pretend to like Lily Evans for even one night, especially considering his reputation. The fact that he was considering doing it indefinitely was shocking beyond words.

"But Prongs, mate," Sirius interjected, trying to get his friend to see reason. "If you were going to do this, you'd have to be convincing; you'd have to give up on girls. You couldn't be 'in love' with Lily Evans and snogging others on the side. It's madness."

But James could feel something, a determination, a feeling in the pit of his stomach. "Padfoot, I've been out with tons of girls, they're not that interesting anymore. They giggle and flirt and kiss me. So what? I'm bored of them. I want something new."

Remus caught James's eyes, looked through them, trying to see what was inside. "James, Lily's a girl too, you know."

But James just laughed. "So? It's not like I'll ever go out with her. And anyway, she's not like the other girls. She doesn't treat me like they do."

"Naw, she treats you way worse," Sirius muttered.

James ignored him. "Evans can really hold her own in a fight, and I intend to take full advantage of that. I just started a war, boys and that was the first battle."

"But Kelsey—" Sirius brought up the name in a last-ditch effort to change his friend's mind.

"She's in her dormitory, stomach-ache," James explained. "I'll break up with her first thing tomorrow.

Silence.

"Oh come on. We ought to go inside and get some rest." James's hazel eyes were twinkling wickedly. "After all, what you saw today was just the beginning."

* * *

* * *

HEY! I just realized that I had to update today. You see, I posted chapter one of this story exactly ten days ago today. That's write; you got eight chapters in ten days. Please, people, even if you don't like it, review and tell me what I can do better. (And, of course, if you _do _like it, I most certainly want to know that too...) Thanks a bushel to all you fantastic people out there.

Thanks to the great people who reviewed...YOU ARE ALWAYS APPRECIATED...

**PinkyTheSnowman:** As always...thanks a bundle. And I may just die and never finish this story if you don't put me out of my misery on the piano issue...and yay, I made you laugh. My goal in life is accomplished.

**Gillybear:** Hee, glad you're enjoying. Yes, vertically able. Because someone like me can't stand to use a word as bland and boring as "long." Nope, I have to complicate things by making up new phrases....

**QueenofDarkness13:** Yay, glad you're enjoying. Okay, I'm going to act thick for a moment....I rock? Like those hard grey things? The ones that prehistoric people used as tools?.....Okay, moment over. Thanks a bundle for reviewing.

**Dobbyfan18**: Very much so. Thanks for all the ideas of things Lily can throw at James..._author begins frantically taking notes_...I'll be sure to use them if ever I'm in a bind.

**A Cute But Psycho Bunny**: I always love your reviews...why do you think I post? Duh, it's so I can see what you and the bunny men think of the chapter...oh yeah, they're all rather evil...but it's all just beginning...

**DobbyGrl: **Yeah! I'm so glad I made you happy...yes, well, I'm glad you like _the plan._ It took me a while to find a way that James could be constantly flirting with Lily like he does in the canon. Without him actually _realizing _he likes her, of course. I mean, it's just so much more FUN when they hate eachother, right?

**Andy:** You have no idea how happy your review made me, thanks _SO MUCH_ for the compliments. People like you are exactly why I want to be a writer when I'm older.

Okay, then, keep a lookout for new postings...on this and on "Oddments and Essays"...and check my account w/ Pinky, which is **SiriuslyInsane62442**. It's my outlet for the pure randomness I won't let myself put in here.

Your favorite doomsday penguin,

manchot du destin.


	9. Chapter 9, The Legendary Potter Charm

If I owned Harry Potter, I'd be writing the sixth book, not procrastinating doing my math homework.....well, actually, this being me, I'd probably be procrastinating writing the sixth book. So be happy that I don't own HP.

Thanks again to all my lovely reviewers; I really don't love y'all enough. Please, if you're reading this, take the time to send me a teeny tiny review letting me know what you think, good or bad. If you like it, tell people. Please. For me. Because it's true, I really do update faster when I've got more reviewers.

Last chapter, James and the marauders decided on the perfect prank...James was going to pretend to be in love with Lily. That was sure to annoy the heck out of her...But does he have the guts to actually keep up the charade? And how goes the first day of classes...?

* * *

Chapter 9: The Legendary Potter Charm:

The next morning dawned bright and clear. Lily woke early, something she only ever did on the first day of a new school year. Somehow, there was just something magical about all the new beginnings and budding opportunities of starting new classes.

Lily hummed a song in the shower, making it up as she went along. She practically skipped back into the dormitory, changing into her plain black robes as if they were made of gold. She tied her hair back in a French braid, noting contentedly that, for once, not a hair was out of place. Lily was sure that nothing could dampen her mood, that nothing could ruin her day.

The other girls in the dormitory didn't quite agree. Kelsey was feeling ill; apparently she'd spent the whole of Sunday in her bed with a headache (A/N: No, this is not a typo. Honestly, you've read the first 8 chapters. You should know that James doesn't pay much attention to his girlfriends. He was wrong when he said Kelsey had a stomachache...). By the look of things, she'd rather spend today in bed as well.

The others looked much the same. They, of course, didn't have the excuse of being sick, but they clearly preferred their beds nonetheless.

"Lily," Alanna grumbled. "Why do you have to be so _happy_ this morning? We are about to start one of the hardest years. We should be _swamped_ by homework by our second class. For the next few months we will have no free time whatsoever. I see no reason to be happy."

Lily felt a smile suffuse itself onto her face. She didn't argue, after all, Alanna was only stating the facts. But nothing was going to bring her down this morning.

Sara and Alanna exchanged glances; if Lily was going to act like this all day, they might very well have to smack some sense back into her.

"Lils," Sara moaned. "Alanna's right."

"I know," Lily said in a most agreeable fashion.

"And even besides all the homework, we've got problems."

"Of course we do." Lily refused to rise to the bait.

"I mean, think of Potter and his gang. They've got something up their sleeves; they always do, first day of school. And it looks like they're focusing on us this year around."

Lily smirked, an expression she didn't usually wear. But today was special, after all. "Who says they have to be the only ones with something up their sleeves? If Potter or any of his cronies come anywhere near me, I guarantee they'll find a little something more than they bargained for."

Alanna and Sara shared another look; this was getting ridiculous. They both opened their mouths to say something, but Lily ignored them. She picked up her bag, and skipped out of the dormitory, and down the stairs. Alanna and Sara rolled their eyes, then turned to follow.

Down at breakfast, Lily continued to wallow in her happy mood. She entered merrily into a heated debate about the merits of divination with a housemate, Claudia Reddin, a sixth year. Claudia maintained that divination was a useful subject, an important skill that witches and wizards could use to prepare themselves for the future. Lily, on the other hand, was quite certain that the lack of concrete evidence surrounding the subject made it all quite useless. The two girls were both very intelligent, and the friendly debate occupied them all through breakfast.

Inevitably, though, Gryffindor table, and the whole Great Hall, of course, filled with students. Some, like Lily, were excited to begin the new year, but others were reluctant to dive into the mess of work they knew awaited them. The chatter filled the Great Hall to bursting, and even the more unenthusiastic students were soon affected by the bustling atmosphere.

Never a group to miss a meal, the marauders soon appeared at the table. They were smiling, Alanna noted to herself. The marauders were all smiling quite happily, which was hardly characteristic for them, knowing they were about to start in on a new year full of homework. That could only mean that they were planning something.

Alanna glanced at her two best friends. Sara was bickering good-naturedly with her twin, as always. Lily, on the other hand, still appeared to be on her "high" of happiness. Neither of them had noticed the arrival of the marauders.

Alanna sighed; if her friends weren't going to find out what was going on, the job fell to her. She stood, albeit reluctantly, and made her way to the area where James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were seated, halting a few feet away from the group.

"Why don't you just go over there and start it off?" Peter was asking.

"Seriously, Peter, have we taught you nothing?" Sirius said with the air of a grandfather imparting knowledge on an errant grandson. "Jamesie-poo—" That ruined the effect; no doting grandfather in his right mind would use the phrase 'Jamsie-poo.' "Do enlighten dear Peter as to the subtleties of a good plan."

James grinned at his friends' light banter. "See, Pete, if I ignore the lass for the time being, the shock value will be greater when I _do _choose to—"

James stopped talking, having caught Remus's eye. Remus shook his head minutely, and moved his eyes so they rested slightly above and to the left of James's shoulder.

"—when I do choose to go give Kelsey some flowers"

Sirius, sitting on the same side of the table as James, couldn't see Alanna, but Peter could. His eyes widened.

Sirius, though, not have a clue why the conversation had taken such an unexpected turn, frowned and opened his mouth. They _had_ been talking about the proposed prank on Lily, but James's latest statement was completely off-topic.

James cut Sirius off before he had a chance to utter a word. "I mean, Kelsey won't expect me to know about her toothache, so she won't expect the flowers. It's better this way."

Alanna frowned. "Your girlfriend has a _headache_, Potter. Do you want me to write that down for you?"

Three of the marauders had already surmised Alanna's presence, but Sirius had not. He jumped a good meter into the air at hearing the voice interrupting the conversation. He struggled to regain his equilibrium. "You can write, Simmons? Well, isn't that a pleasant surprise. Bet the teachers will be real happy to hear it."

Alanna felt her face flush crimson. It was a badly kept secret that she struggled academically. Alanna felt a curtain fall down over her face, hiding the hurt that otherwise would have been visible there. "Whatever you four are up to, drop it," she advised, all the emotion leeched out of her voice. "Or I'll find a way to get you expelled, so help me." She turned to leave.

Sirius opened his mouth to out a nasty retort, but Remus cut him off.

"What we're up to isn't against any rules, Alanna," He answered softly. He knew what it was to be behind in class; after all, he had his—_illness_—to contend with once a month.

But James, oblivious to the effect Sirius's insult had had on Alanna, jumped in as well. "None of your business, Simmons. Get your nose out before I remove it myself."

Sirius smirked, "Stop it James, you know that might improve her appearance."

Alanna's face couldn't get any redder, instead it whitened. She spun, and walked right past her friends, out of the Great Hall.

Peter looked at his friends. James had gone back to making a sculpture of scrambled eggs on his plate, and Sirius was wearing an ugly expression. Only Remus was still regarding the doors to the Great Hall, as if willing Alanna to come walking back through them.

Peter usually made a point of not contradicting his friends, but he surprised himself by opening his mouth. "Sirius, you know, Alanna Simmons, she's actually quite pretty."

Sirius snorted. "Look, Pete, she's a skinny little prat. That's all."

It was Remus's turn to be surprised. "Honestly Sirius, you need to put a bit less store in looks. I mean, take you, for example. You're widely acclaimed as the most handsome boy at Hogwarts, but you've clearly got no more brains than a toad." Remus snapped his mouth shut. He hadn't wanted to provoke a fight, but it appeared he had done just that.

Sirius stared at him. "At least I'm a better friend than you are. _I _risk my life being friends with a werewolf, and you won't even back me up against some girl," Sirius hissed angrily.

Remus gaped. "I didn't know you felt that way." He, too, left his seat, stalking off to sit with Michael Hayes, the other 5th year Gryffindor boy.

By this time, James had tuned back into the conversation. "_Do_ you feel that way, Padfoot?"

Sirius shook his head. Damnit, why did Simmons always have to mess with his mind like that? He'd been perfectly fine until she'd come along. But now his mind was roiling with the angry words he'd said to her and to Remus. Why did she make him feel so damn _mean_?

"I'll apologize to Remus in class. I just went a bit over the edge for a moment, is all."

_You sure did,_ James thought. _Where the hell did _that_ come from?_ But all he said was "Alright. Speaking of, what is the first class?"

The Gryffindor table hushed as the schedules were passed down the length of the table.

MONDAY—

8:00-9:30—Charms

10:00-11:30—Transfiguration

12:00-1:30—Lunch

2:00-5:30—Double Potions (w/ Ravenclaw)

TUESDAY—

12:00AM-1:00—Astronomy

8:00-9:30—free period

10:00-11:30—Herbology

12:00-1:30—Lunch

2:00-3:30—Divination

4:00-5:30—Muggle Studies

WEDNESDAY—

8:00-11:30—Double Defense Against the Dark Arts (w/ Slytherin)

12:00-1:30—Lunch

2:00-5:30—Double Charms (w/ Ravenclaw)

THURSDAY—

8:00-9:30—Potions

10:00-11:30—Care of Magical Creatures

12:00-1:30—Lunch

2:00-5:30—Double Transfiguration (w/ Slytherin)

FRIDAY—

8:00-11:30—Double Herbology (w/ Hufflepuff)

12:00-1:30—Lunch

2:00-3:30—Defense Against the Dark Arts

4:00-5:30—free period

James frowned. "That is one ugly Monday if I've ever seen one."

Peter shrugged, "At least Tuesday won't be a problem."

Sirius didn't say anything. The new year was making him decidedly sick to his stomach.

* * *

Lily was forced to give up on her debate when the schedules were passed out. To her surprise, she found she was holding an extra one, one with the name labeled as "Alanna Simmons."

"Sara, d'you know where Alanna is?"

Sara shrugged. "Probably in the toilet."

Lily nodded, and glanced down at her schedule.

MONDAY—

8:00-9:30—Charms

10:00-11:30—Transfiguration

12:00-1:30—Lunch

2:00-5:30—Double Potions (w/ Ravenclaw)

TUESDAY—

12:00AM-1:00—Astronomy

8:00-9:30—free period

10:00-11:30—Herbology

12:00-1:30—Lunch

2:00-3:30—Arithmancy

4:00-5:30—Ancient Runes

WEDNESDAY—

8:00-11:30—Double Defense Against the Dark Arts (w/ Slytherin)

12:00-1:30—Lunch

2:00-5:30—Double Charms (w/ Ravenclaw)

THURSDAY—

8:00-9:30—Potions

10:00-11:30—Care of Magical Creatures

12:00-1:30—Lunch

2:00-5:30—Double Transfiguration (w/ Slytherin)

FRIDAY—

8:00-11:30—Double Herbology (w/ Hufflepuff)

12:00-1:30—Lunch

2:00-3:30—Defense Against the Dark Arts

4:00-5:30—free period

"Well," she said, smiling, "at least today ought to be fun."

* * *

As it grew near to 8:00, the students began filing out of the Great Hall. James sighed; off to one hell of a Monday, the beginning of what was sure to be one hell of a year.

"Ah well," he muttered under his breath. "At least Quidditch ought to be starting off soon."

He wandered off towards the charms classroom with Sirius and Peter. Flitwick arrived just behind them, and they headed quickly for the back of the class, taking their customary seats.

"Alright, everyone, welcome to the first day of classes." Flitwick began his speech, but the marauders were no longer paying attention. Flitwick's voice seemed to fade into the background as they put their minds to more important matters.

Sirius unceremoniously poked Remus in the back. No response. So he did it again. Finally, Flitwick turned his back to the class, presumably to retrieve the objects on which they would be charming. Sirius moved up next to Remus, who was in the row in front of his.

"Remus," he hissed.

"What?"

"Look, hey, mate, I'm sorry, I just got a little, you know, upset. Because of the whole back to school thing and all."

Remus didn't say anything, just turned to face forwards again.

"Mr. Black, back to your seat, if you please. I'd hate to have to take points on the first day."

Sirius moved reluctantly back to his desk, trying to ignore the triumphant glares coming his way by none other than Lily Evans and her gang of girls. One of whom was Alanna Simmons, who seemed back to her usual, haughty self.

Sirius had to use all of his self-control not to stick his tongue out at her.

The rest of the class went as charms always did. They reviewed, mostly easy things like levitation and color-change, but Flitwick assured them that the class on Wednesday would be considerably more difficult.

This pronouncement was met by smiles (Lily Evans), smirks (James Potter and Sirius Black), frowns (Alanna Simmons), and sighs (from the rest). It seemed no time at all before it was time for transfiguration.

_Transfiguration, _James thought sadly. _The one class where it really isn't a good idea to goof._ Professor McGonagall had made it quite clear on several prior occasions that anyone she caught misbehaving in her class would regret their lack of thought. It had taken four and a half years for the message to sink through to the marauders, but once it had, they had reluctantly decided to save their pranks for less—vindictive—teachers.

Unfortunately, this led to a dilemma. With McGonagall's class a _no prank zone_, the marauders had little choice but to attempt to pay attention. Not that the attempts were always successful.

"Mr. Potter, you couldn't by any chance enlighten us as to the nature of your thoughts. They must be interesting indeed to stop you from answering my question."

James couldn't suppress a slight jump as he realized that his professor was addressing him. "Well, yes professor. Actually, I was just reflecting on how beautiful you look today. Did you do something to your hair?" James treated McGonagall to his most charming smile.

Which she didn't fall for.

"Why thank you, Potter. If you're in such a good mood, perhaps you ought to come down and join me later on. Eight o'clock, let's say."

James sighed. "I would, but I've just got so much homework professor."

She smiled, baring her teeth slightly. "Eight o'clock, Mr. Potter. That's a detention. And you'll be there, or I'll be forced to take points."

James used a supreme effort of will to keep the smile on his face. _Damnit, it's only the first day of school, and I've got detention already._ Then he really did start to grin. _Just as usual._

An hour later, the Gryffindor fifth years stumbled out of the class, wavering under the extreme amount of homework that had been assigned. They tottered down to the Great Hall, eagerly anticipating the lunch that was awaiting them.

James and his fellow marauders, of course, weren't loaded down as the other students were. Except for Remus, none of them intended to do their homework, not unless they were _extremely _bored. And probably not even then.

Besides, Remus wasn't among them, for the time being. He had obviously taken offense from Sirius's earlier comments, and wasn't ready to let them go. And no wonder. Sirius's thoughtless attack had hit harder than he had ever intended.

But the remaining marauders were unaware of this, as they were unaware of so much. In fact, their minds were taken up thinking of James's newest prank. Operation Lily-Love. Stage one was due to start any moment now.

James smiled, turning on his natural charm to its highest extent as Kelsey, his current, but soon-to-be ex girlfriend approached. He would have to handle the situation carefully.

"Kelsey, have a chat with me?"

Kelsey giggled and made her excuses to Jemma. Jemma didn't seem to have any desire to sit next to _her _boyfriend (Sirius), and instead moved to talk to some of her sixth year friends.

James kept his smile hitched firmly up on his face as Kelsey walked over, and promptly plopped herself down on his lap. It almost slipped, then, but James kept it up. One of the primary rules when breaking up with someone was to stay out of the reach of their arms. He'd been slapped before. James sighed; ah well, the sacrifices he made in the name of a prank.

"So what's up Jamesie?" Kelsey inquired, smiling innocently.

James winced. Not because he was afraid he'd hurt her feelings, but because he was afraid she'd hurt him. Physically. The innocent-looking ones were almost always the worst. "Feeling better, Kelse?" he asked warily.

"Now that you're here? I feel wonderful."

"Oh well, er, good." _Damn!_ James thought explosively. _So she's feeling well enough to pummel me into a good pile of mush. Why oh why couldn't that sore throat have lasted just a few hours later?_

"Jamesie, are you all right? You look kind of green."

James could hear Sirius and Pete sniggering in the background. He was going to kill them, if he got out of this alive.

"Yeah, sweetie, I'm fine. There's one thing though." James pulled every ounce of charm into his slightly desperate smile. "I don't think this is going to work out between us." He closed his eyes and waited for the impact of her hand on his face. There was a reason he'd stopped breaking up with girls in this way...

Surprisingly, though, the impact did not come. James peeked open his left eye. Kelsey was frowning at him, but her hands both seemed to be secure at her sides.

"What did you say, Jamesie?" she inquired, quite calmly for a girl who was being broken up with.

"I said I didn't think this relationship was going to work."

Still no outbreak of rage or fury.

"I'm breaking up with you, Kelse." James opened both of his eyes, confusion showing clearly on his face. He knew girls, no one could dispute that. And he had been sure Kelsey was the type to slap him black and blue. So why wasn't she...?

_SMACK!_

Kelsey got up from the table and stomped off.

* * *

James sat up again, feeling slightly woozy. He could see Sirius, Peter, and Remus standing above him, looking slightly concerned. Well, Pete looked concerned. Sirius just looked amused, and Remus was wearing an expression that suggested that he thought James had gotten exactly what he had deserved.

"Well, one friend out of three isn't bad."

"What?" Sirius asked, obviously confused. "James, I think your girlfriend knocked free your remaining brain cells.

Pete stopped looking concerned and started laughing.

James leaned up and landed a solid blow on the backside of Sirius's knees, causing him to come toppling down on the floor next to James. "Watch it, mate, or I'll show you exactly how many brain cells I have left."

Pete's laughter increased, and even Remus, upset as he still was at Sirius, found a smile suffusing itself onto his face.

"James," Remus began, "what did you do to the poor girl? You were only going out for a day or so."

James grinned, which made his face twinge. _Merlin, but that girl has a solid swing._ "Well, I bet she thought I was just dating her to snog her."

"Snog her, Prongs?" Pete queried, still laughing. "When did you have time?"

James felt his left eyebrow rise. "A gentleman never tells his secrets," he said mischievously. "Suffice it to say that I did."

Remus shook his head, and offered James a hand. "You are absolutely unbelievable. I don't know how I can bear being friends with you. With any of you," he added, looking pointedly at Sirius.

"It's my Potter charm." That from James.

"I'm just so cute, you can't help but love me," was Peter's contribution.

Sirius looked seriously at Remus. "Because I really don't mean what I say most of the time." He smiled hopefully.

Remus returned the smile, albeit hesitantly.

Sirius's smile turned into his usual grin. "Plus, my debonair good looks, and impeccable style are more than even you can resist, Moony my friend."

Remus snorted. "Well, you can all just keep thinking that, why don't you."

The charged atmosphere had all but vanished, but James had barely sat down again when he was accosted by none other than Lily Marie Evans. And she wasn't looking particularly happy at the moment.

"James Potter, you are despicable, I thought you ought to know."

_Oh, go read a book, Evans. _But no, that didn't fit with _the plan. _

"Stage two, now in progress," James heard Sirius whisper under his breath. Not a bad idea, come to think of it.

James called up his Potter charm. A ravishing grin and left eyebrow up in the air. "Look, Evans, I have something I needed to talk to you about. The reason I broke up with Kelsey. See, thing is, I wasn't in love with her."

"Big surprise that is, Potter." Lily muttered under her breath.

"Thing is, Lily," here James leaned forward, his eyes a mere three inches from Lily's own. "Thing is I do love someone," he lowered his voice, calming it into a breathy whisper. "Thing is I love you."

Lily didn't hit James, as satisfying as that might have been. No, she leaned forward, cutting the distance between them to a mere inch and a half. Maybe an inch and a quarter.

"James," she whispered.

"Yeah?" he replied, managing to look rugged and manly, as well as sensitive and quite in love.

"Being a good actor doesn't make you a good person. In fact, of all the people I know, I would have to say that you're the least decent. You're my least favorite. You're the last one I would ever date."

_Damn. _But then again, maybe there was a plus side in there somewhere. James kept up his act. "Lily-flower. That's wonderful news."

Lily's right eyebrow shot up. Not only at the sickly sweet nickname that very nearly made her gag and lose the lunch she'd eaten so far. No, mostly it was at the fact that James, insufferable prat that he was, could actually find a positive side in all that. He was either as thick as a troll, or just incredibly stupid. Assuming there was a difference.

"See, Lils, I may be last on the list, but at least I'm on it." James winked suavely, and leaned forward yet another fraction. There was now a total of .973 inches between the two competitors. "Don't worry, I'll move my way up."

Lily decided that things had gone far enough. She leaned back for a moment, and grabbed James's plate, still loaded up with food.

One must remember that James has a very large head. A difficult target to miss at such a close range. And Lily didn't miss.

* * *

For the second time in ten minutes, James sat up on the floor, feeling slightly off-balance. Merlin, but those Hogwarts plates were heavy.

"Good ol' Potter charm, eh James?" Remus leaned over James, eyes dancing with amusement.

"Good point, Moony," Sirius agreed. "So far today, it's gotten you detention with McGonagall—"

"—A hardy slap on the face—" Peter continued.

"—And a face full of food," Remus laughed.

"Makes us wish we were all born Potters, you know," Sirius finished, speaking for them all.

But James replied with a straight face. "I know. But only I'm special enough."

* * *

The author returns....

Wow, I never expected it to be that long. This author's not starts on page 13 (Microsoft Word)!!!!

Well, I hope it makes up for my long absence. I'm so sorry, it's been over a week since I last updated, and I'll try not to do that again. But I can't promise anything. During the week I have almost no time to write, what with soccer, babysitting, play rehearsals, practicing clarinet, and several hours of homework. Weekends are better, but I still have soccer games, soccer practices, and whatever else happens to come up. Like last week was Halloween, and I went to a party and went trick-or-treating. And I had to buy a dress for my formal. And the list goes on. I'm only to update today because I don't have school (YAY!!!!!!!!!!!). Let's see, I'll try to get another chapter out before next Monday, but I can't promise anything, as I've got a formal, a soccer game, and soccer practice....and all that. But I'll try.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I want to make sure I introduce the teachers (you haven't met some of them before), and any other important characters before I jump into the main plot of the story, but beware because all hell will soon break loose. Stage one of the plan was a success (pretty much), and you'll find out more about stage two next chapter. Also, you'll meet the potions teacher, and find out a bit more about Lily's friends.

Please, if you've wasted your time reading the whopping twelve pages of this chapter, I beg you to waste just a little more time dropping me a little bitty review. Tell me what you thought, if I could do better, and how, and what your predictions are for the future. Constructive criticism and ideas are always welcome. Plus, if you've written any stories of your own, and you tell me about them, I'll read 'em myself, and maybe even tell other people about them. Because that's what I'd really like y'all to do about _my _stories. Deal?

As always, if you're enjoying this, go ahead and read my other story "Oddments and Essays," if you do, I'll love you forever. And if you want to check out my outing for randomness, **PinkytheSnowman** and I have a collaboration name, **SiriuslyInsane62442**. Check out our story, "The Trouble with Evil Monkeys"

To my faithful reviewers, I give y'all a hearty thanks and a smiley face sticker:

**Kimbery-Grace:** so incredibly glad you liked it....a yellow smiley face sticker to you

Oh, hey, you reviewed chapter 4 as well. Well, in that case, you get a green smiley face sticker as well.

**Tritainia:** YAY! And I think it's amazing that you can speak _two and a half_ languages. I have trouble with English, and it's my first language. (I'm kidding, guys. Well, kind of...) I would be honored to edit your stuff for you, of course. A pink smiley for you, a nice big one.

**Gaby-Black:** yay, I got 2 awesomes out of you. Thanks a biiig bundle. And here's a lovely indigo smiley sticker for you.

Oh, and you reviewed chapter 7 as well. A nice magenta sticker as well.

**DobbyGrl:** YAY! You think I'm funny. Most people just think I'm funny looking....Anyways, thanks, and a gigantuse red smiley for you.

**Gillybear:** WOW! Thanks so much, I'm so glad you think I had an original idea. That's actually one of the best things that's been said about the story. THANK YOU! A blue smiley sticker for you, with a giant smile.

**A Cute but Psycho Bunny**: I love you. You are one of my all-time fav reviewers....and the bunny-men too. Hmm, the bunny men are gay? And you want to madly make out with James? Well, so be it. A big smiley sticker for you, complete with bunny ears.

**PINKYTHESNOWMAN: **I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!!!!! YOU DID IT! THE INSTRUMENTS GOT THEIR REVENGE!!!!YEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! _JUMPS UP AND DOWN YELLING!!!!_

783942 SMILEY STICKERS IN RAINBOW COLORS FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lots of the people here have great stories, so CHECK 'EM OUT!

Thanks again, and **PinkytheSnowman**, you are my hero.....this chap is totally dedicated to you....

manchot du destin


	10. Chapter 10, The Problems with Partners i...

Okay, so let's pretend a fantasy world where I own the Harry Potter universe. That would mean my name was JK Rowling. And that would mean I would be writing HP and the Half Blood Prince write now. But guess what? My name isn't JK Rowling, not even close. And I'm writing fanfiction, not HBP. So, using elementary logic, one would have to say that I do not own the HP universe. (Not even Sirius. Or James. Or Remus. Or Lily. Or any of the other wonderfuls I would just love to own.) So don't sue me.

Okay, everybody thank **StarzatMidnight **because OH NO! She actually knows me, and so can berate me in person when she thinks I'm not updating fast enough. Which is always.

And I still love **PinkytheSnowman** for that whole clarinet/flute/piano thing. Makes me happy just thinking about it. (Read her stories and you'll know what I'm talking about)

* * *

Chapter 10, The Problems with Partners in Potions (and other things starting with the letter p).

Lily could hardly believe it. She had done it. Made it through the first half of her day, and emerged victorious, and still in a wonderful mood. _Hmmm, _she thought, _maybe it has something to do with the fact that I just threw a heavy plate at the obnoxiously large head of one Mr. James Potter. _

She inserted a slight bounce into her step. But then, no, there was Alanna. And she was still looking down about something. Lily calmed the smile on her face, and approached her friend.

"Hey, Alanna, what's the problem?"

Alanna gave a small jump, glancing at Lily as if she hadn't noticed her friend's presence. "Oh, hi Lily. Nothing, it's just, you know, potions. Not really looking forward to the afternoon."

Lily frowned. "Professor Ligard left last year, Aly, I'm sure you'll do fine with a less prejudiced professor. I'm sure this professor won't favor the Slytherins like Ligard did."

"Yeah?" Alanna didn't sound convinced.

"Of course you will. I was talking to Celia Bones at lunch. You know her, the head girl."

Alanna nodded her head to show she knew who Lily was referring to.

"Well," Lily continued, "She said that Professor Avogadro is a really good teacher. Celia said maybe even as good as Professor McGonagall."

"I don't do so well in transfiguration, either, Lils, no matter how good a teacher McGonagall is." Alanna pointed out the facts in a small voice.

Lily stared at her friend. _Seriously,_ she thought to herself, _what's gotten into her? _Alanna was always such an outgoing person, and she was far more daring than Lily and Sara put together. But then, _Siriusly. Who else can get under Aly's skin like that? _Take the one person who always seemed able to set Aly off, and add the one area of Alanna's life that she didn't excel in. Voila. There it was, Alanna a la depressed mood.

But Lily, one must remember, was not in a bad mood. No, she was on a roll. If James hadn't been able to ruin her bad mood, then Sirius Black certainly couldn't do it. And there wasn't the slimmest chance that Lily would let him ruin the remainder of Alanna's day as well.

Lily grinned. "Hey, Aly, I'll make you a deal. I'll tutor you in potions if you get behind."

Alanna raised her eyebrows skeptically. "And I have to do what?"

"Nothing!" Lily adopted her most insulted and innocent look. She glanced demurely down at her shoes, digging her right toe gently into the ground.

The eyebrows slid slightly higher.

"Well, you know, Aly. It's just that I'm always so busy with all my clubs, and now I'll be a prefect and all."

"And?" Alanna was forgetting her bad mood now, concentrating wholly on whatever awful stunt Lily was going to ask her to perform to 'pay for' her potions tutoring. Honestly, for a prefect, Lily could be awfully—creative—sometimes.

"Well, I hate to see my friends sitting around doing nothing."

"I'm not joining one of your clubs, Lily."

"And I wouldn't ask you to." Lily paused. "It's just. Well. I _would _ask you to join something else." A longer pause ensued.

"Well?"

"If you try out for Quidditch, I'll tutor you in potions."

"Lily!"

"What?"

"Stop looking so—innocent! And surprised that I'm objecting. Stop it! First of all, I'm not that good of a keeper. Second of all, playing Quidditch means less time for studying. That won't help my grades! Third of all—no!—just no! It's a _bad idea,_ Lily! Stop smiling at me!"

But Lily couldn't stop smiling. _Mission accomplished,_ she told herself smugly. _Not only is Aly in a better mood, but I've brought up the Quidditch Issue. She _should _be playing it; anyone that good should be._ Oh, yes, it was still a wonderful day.

* * *

Lily filed into the potions class with the rest of the students, sitting down quietly in a front-row seat. Shortly, she was joined by Alanna (still looking disgruntled, but certainly not unhappy) and Sara (who seemed oblivious to the whole issue.

The marauders, of course, quickly made their way to the back of the room. Lily _didn't _shoot a dirty glare at them. She told herself that she was bigger than that. And she completely ignored the fact that it took all of her self-control to keep that glare internal.

The Ravenclaw fifth years were there, too, it being a block period. This time Lily couldn't keep her face neutral. A smile broke out. Ravenclaws took pride in their cleverness and good grades, and Lily could never resist the challenge to do better than them. She couldn't wait for the class to begin in earnest.

She didn't have long to wait, though. No sooner had the second hand on Lily's watch made its way to the top, announcing it two o'clock, than the door burst open.

In swept the new potions master, black robe billowing out behind him and radiating proficiency from every pore. He moved to the front of the class, surveying his students, sizing them up. He had about him that indefinable aura of the potion master. Whether it stemmed from his quick black eyes, his intimidating demeanor, or his obvious self-assurance was immaterial. He was truly a master, and he knew it.

So did the students. The silence in the class was sudden and absolute. Even the marauders stopped their muttering, and everyone, Gryffindor and Ravenclaw alike, sat up straighter.

The professor began to speak, his words quick and soft, but wholly serious. No one missed a word he said.

"Welcome to potions, level five. By this point in your careers, you are expected to be well-versed in basic potion-making skills. This year, however, you will take your skills beyond the merely acceptable. This year, perfection will rule.

"I expect you all to rise to the occasion, and master the potions you are assigned to prepare. You will follow directions to the letter, and put every talent you possess into the brewing of each and every potion."

The professor began to pace across the front of the class, and everyone's eyes moved with him, spell-bound. "As the year progresses, so will the difficulty of the potions. They will become more complex, more dangerous, and more useful. Mistakes will have consequences, not only in terms of detentions and house points," Here his voice was filled with disdain for the petty punishments, "but others, far more important to you and your fellow students." He didn't expand on the subject.

"By the time OWLs arrive, you will be an adept, familiar with the lore of potions, and ready and able to brew almost any potion. The tests will not be a problem for anyone in this class." It was a statement. A fact.

"Miss...?"

"Corner," Sara introduced herself somewhat nervously.

"Do you think you can keep up with this class?" He didn't sound skeptical, or even curious. It was a question, with no inflection whatsoever, and he waited patiently for the answer.

"I—yes, I'll try my hardest," Sara said louder, refusing to be cowed, however intimidating the professor acted.

"But will you excel?" Again, no inflection.

"I'll do my best."

"I'm sure you will." It seemed to be a characteristic of his, stating facts. He said things as though they had no meaning to them whatsoever, and let the class come to their own conclusions.

Next, the professor approached a Ravenclaw boy, Chris Peters. "And you? How hard will you work?"

"Hard," Chris replied, softly, but with confidence nonetheless.

"Hmm. Well, I'm sure you all plan on doing well in this class."

There were nods of agreement throughout the class.

"But I have motivation for you. Today, I will pair you up with another student. They will be your lab partners for the entire course." His tone said this was true. This professor was not one to change his ways for any student. "You and your partner will work to achieve the highest grades possible, and your work will have its far-reaching consequences. The pair of fifth-year students with the highest grades will earn an apprenticeship with a leading entrepreneur in the potions field this summer."

Lily couldn't keep the excitement off her face; she had been considering a career as a healer for some time now, and potions would be critical for such an occupation. Others in the class, though, were less enthusiastic. Sirius and James glanced at eachother, looking bored, and Peter seemed about to roll his eyes. Remus, though, looked interested, almost wistful.

The professor calmed the class with a wave of his hand. "The winning pair will also receive twenty extra points on their potions OWL."

There was a new degree of silence. A stray feather hitting the floor would have been deafening. Of course, that was impossible. This new potions master valued perfection, and stray feathers are hardly a personification of said perfection.

The professor noted the silence with approval. Then he smiled. His smile was sardonic, cynical, even. Strangely, it only made him seem more intimidating, as if he had a secret, and was ready to use to his own advantage.

The students shivered.

"And now for partners," the professor stated softly. "Your partner will be in the same house as you, but otherwise, the pairs will be completely random. So let us begin."

He began with the Ravenclaw students, and Lily felt her heart freeze as the professor paired a student from the front of the class with one from the back. And another. And another. He continued on in this vein, then it was more than likely that she would end up paired with none other than a marauder. _Hopefully, I'll be paired with Lupin, that wouldn't be bad at all. He's a prefect, and a nice person besides_, Lily thought fervently.

Finished pairing the Ravenclaw students, the professor moved on to the Gryffindors. Lily screwed up her eyes, hoping with all her might that she would get a good partner, someone who would work hard and help her do well.

"You, Miss—" the professor glanced at his attendance sheet, "Evans, will pair with the dark-haired gentleman in back, Mr.—" another glance at the sheet, "Potter." And with that, accented by his darkly humorous smile, he moved on to the next seat.

But Lily was no longer paying attention; all of the particles of her brain were still focused on that final word. 'Potter'. No. It wasn't possible. Of all the people in the class who that—that _potions professor,_ for lack of a better epithet, could have _randomly_ paired her with, he had to pick the _one person_ who had made it his duty to make Lily's life a living hell.

"And now if you would all pair up, you are still all expected to complete a potion today. It is the Patience Potion, found on page 324 of your text. Instructions are on the board," and with a careless wave of his wand, they were, "so begin." He turned away from the class, then seemed to remember something. "And don't forget, I want 3 feet of parchment on the uses and brewing of the Patience Potion, due next class."

There were groans and frowns, but he ignored them, turning and hastening to his desk, where he steepled his hands, scanning the room with his eyes.

Lily opened her mouth. And closed it. Only to open and close it once more. She shook her head, honestly, she was being ridiculous. She would be a responsible person, and work things out. Partnering James wouldn't ruin her grades, Lily decided confidently. Why, James himself wasn't all that bad at potions, so perhaps things wouldn't be bad at all.

That decided, Lily set her face in determination, and made her way to the back of the class. She walked up behind James, and tapped him on the shoulder. And he turned to face her.

He was smiling, looking about as self-satisfied as was humanly possible, and it was only the still-visible handprint on his face that kept Lily from attempting to smack the expression right off his face. _Mature, _Lily thought, _I am mature, and _not _going to rise to the bait._

"Hello, there, Evans, long time no see." His arrogance really was quite sickening.

"Look, Potter, I don't like you. But we're going to be partners, so we'd better work something out now."

"Alright, Evans, what say you?"

"Don't prank me, don't _flirt_ with me, and don't bother me. We'll do as Professor Avogadro says, and that's that."

"Sure we will."

"Potter and Evans," came a silky voice from the front of the room. "May I inquire as to why you're still talking and not yet working?"

Lily turned pink, but James just kept grinning.

"Ten points from Gryffindor, and don't let it happen again."

Lily turned on James, a frown covering her features. "Let's go," she snapped curtly, and turned to the cauldron in front of them.

By the end of the double period, Lily had all but forgotten about her earlier good mood. The entire period had consisted of James grinning, taunting her, or staring at the fly which had chosen his cauldron as its home. Lily had worked hard, ignored James, and eventually squashed the fly with her potions text book.

The potion had turned out well nonetheless; smooth and purple and emitting a nice calming odor into the classroom, and Lily was actually quite proud of her work as she carried a stoppered sample to the front of the room. She placed it on the front desk, and watched as the professor unstoppered it and examined it minutely.

_Poor,_ he wrote on the parchment in front of him.

Lily again found herself floundering. A failing grade. And for a potion that she _knew _she had prepared well.

"Professor?" she asked softly.

He raised his eyebrows. "Miss Evans, if you can't work with your partner, you won't work at all. Don't waste your time, or mine, giving me any more potions that you've created by yourself. If you want to pass my class, you'll have to work for it."

And he motioned the next student up to his desk.

* * *

Lily walked up to James, calm and purposeful. "You and I, we're going to get along," she informed him.

"Always knew I liked you, Evans."

"Shut it, Potter. We're _both _going to work hard. And we'll get that apprenticeship and those extra points. Or else I'll throw more than a plate at your head."

He smiled at her, a real smile this time, or at least she thought it was real. With James Potter, it was tough to differentiate. "Look, Lils. I'm not a big fan of potions, but if it makes you happy, I suppose I'll make an exception. Okay?"

Lily looked at him suspiciously. "Okay."

"So truce?"

"Truce."

A victorious expression pasted itself onto James's face, and Lily wondered what part of the conversation she'd missed. "Stage two complete," he murmured to himself.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing, Lily—sorry, I meant to say Evans"

And he walked away, leaving Lily wondering if she'd be better off just failing potions.

* * *

The author grins impishly.

Okay, there's chapter 10 for you. A solid 7 pages on word. Not particularly long, but not too short either, I suppose. Okay, next chapter, we meet Snivellus. Let's see what the dear marauders are up to, eh? Not sure exactly when chapter 11 will be up, possibly this weekend, but probably not until next. Ooh, and I won't have time to write anything this week; I've got play rehearsals every day...but never fear, I'll get a new chapter up before too long.

Ooh, and one note about this chapter. Professor Avogadro. He is fun to write, plus, ever since we learned about Avogadro's number in chemistry, I've loved that word. So I couldn't wait to name a character that. Avogadro's number, for those who care, is 602,200,000,000,000,000,000,000.

As always, I urge y'all to check out my other work. I've got another story in progress, "Oddments and Essays" and you people ought to go and give it a look-see. And my other name, **SiriuslyInsane62442**, which is a collaboration with **PinkytheSnowman**. We now have TWO stories in progress, "The Trouble with Evil Monkeys" _and_ "Stalker! Letters from a Bighead." So naturally, come join the randomness.

Okay, and now to pay tribute to all my favorite people... (the order is random...)

Confetti for all of you.

**Cain's Snake:** Yay, writing that part made me happy. But I'm not so sure James had lettuce on his plate...he doesn't really strike me as a vegetable kind of guy. Oh, and thanks _so much,_ for liking this.

**Puppy:** Why thank you. Yeah, I thought about making Lily react like that but that would have changed the story so much. Nope, Lily and James are going to keep their lips away from eachother for some time yet...

**SiriuslyFun19212:** Love the name. Thanks so much, it really annoys me when people make James and Lily the only interesting characters, and everyone in the background is just flat. Voila. An update for you.

**Gaby-Black:** My first ever reviewer, and still reading! Yay! So glad that you're still here and still enjoying.

**EggoWaffles:** Thanks a bundle. Funny thing, everyone seems so happy that I'm beating James up. Not one person expressed any sympathy for the poor guy...but yes, of course, I _did _love hitting him repeatedly.

**A Cute But Psycho Bunny:** Well. I thank you for the detailed references of exactly which bunny may or may not be gay. And of course for the list of which HP characters you do and do not want to make out with. Although I must say, I don't see how you pick Ron and Dean over Harry...but each to her own I suppose. Loved the review, as always.

**DobbyGrl:** Yays. I LOVED all the caps lock in the review. Made me SO HAPPY to know that you're having as much fun as I am. And here is that update, dahling.

**StarzInHerEyes:** (for chap 9) wow, yeah, someone who I actually know reading my stuff. First of all, _sigh_, fine, you can have a smiley sticker, an orange one. And you should be nice to those lil kiddies.

(for chap 8) YAY! Made you laugh, made you laugh, made you laugh. And everyone does seem to think it'd be funny if Lily had said yes...oh well, she's too responsible for that.

(for chap 7) Okay, EVERYBODY. In the movies, it was said that James was a seeker, but according to JKR's official website, that was wrong, he was indeed a chaser. So that's how it is in my story.

(for chap 6) Well, thanks a lot. You didn't think I had skill? _Pretends to be insulted._ And I corrected that summer essay whether you wanted me to or not. So _nyah._

(for chap 5) yes, akin to crap. So there.

(for chap 4) No, he smells like roadkill in the late afternoon, not like turpentine, silly. Duh. And yes you could write like this. Just TRY IT.

(for chap 3) finally, your last review. Umm, James's mother works in the department of Magical Cooperation. There, finally done with you...

**PinkytheSnowman:** YAY! Glad it was your favorite. Well, in all the stories I've read, they always talk about that Potter Charm. Well, here it is, James's charm. Only not quite as successful as we are led to believe. And you do so deserve it. _Gestures, completely speechless._ You do so totally deserve it.

Wow, got a lot of reviews that chapter. And I wrote a response to every single one. Even though it meant Starz got a whole essay...Anyways, thanks to everyone for reading. If you did read, I beg of you, please REVIEW! Because it energizes me and makes me feel guilty when I don't write. So go ahead, waste 20 seconds of your life and DROP ME A REVIEW!

Love y'all.

manchot du destin


	11. Chapter 11, Something Important

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I own copies of the Harry Potter books...not any of the ideas or characters inside....

Okay, a brief explanation of any spelling troubles or such...the new quick edit thing isn't working on my computer, so I'm doing what I can.

Voila, the next chapter....

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Chapter 11, Something Important:

"We're overlooking something," James declared, "We are most definitely overlooking something important."

"Prongsie, we've gone over everything a hundred times. It'll work like clockwork."

But James wasn't satisfied. Over the past three weeks, he and the other marauders had been quiet, eerily quiet, some said. No pranks, well, no big ones. Few detentions. The only ongoing project was Operation Lily-Love, and that was covert.

And going well, considering that it was centered around the girl who James was willing to bet was the most intractable and obstinate girl in all of Hogwarts. She'd been civil to him, mostly because she'd fail potions if she wasn't. Oh, James knew the prank was progressing nicely. He'd convinced the school that he was in love with Lily Marie Evans, and she'd certainly confirmed that she didn't share the feelings. The whole situation was driving her up the wall, and there wasn't a thing she could do about it. He was annoying her, maddening her, irritating her, exasperating her, infuriating her, and more. Yes, the plan was proceeding nicely.

But James wasn't satisfied. He wanted to up the intensity, prove that he'd given up his dating life for a reason. But how? Maybe if he—

"OI PRONGS!" Sirius shouted, bringing James back to the present. "Weren't you listening to a thing I just said?"

"No, not really," James admitted, still distracted, still thinking about Lily. "Where are Remus and Peter, anyway?"

"They're in Hogsmeade. With your invisibility cloak. They took the secret passageway, the one behind the mirror on the seventh floor."

James nodded. "Right, they're getting materials. For The Hoax."

"Right."

"We're missing something there, Padfoot. Something isn't going to work.

Sirius rolled his eyes. The marauders had decided that, as they'd been so _good_ for the past few weeks, they ought to wake the school up this October. They'd decided to pull off a hoax to put all others to shame, a prank to go down in the history books. Actually, a month of pranks, all leading up to Halloween night.

So they'd planned it out, figured out the logistics, determined an infallible course of action, and once Remus and Pete got back from Hogsmeade with the materials, they'd begin the setup.

James, however, wasn't convinced. He was sure that they'd "missed something" in their planning, and had been saying so for the past week. By now, the rest of the marauders were more than annoyed with him.

"Look, James, if you're planning to sit here repeating yourself over and over again, then don't. Why don't you go drool over Evans for a bit?"

That got his attention. "I do not _drool _over her, I flirt. There's a difference."

"No," Sirius insisted. "You drool. And if you don't stop it, people are going to think you're actually serious about her."

"People do think I'm serious about her, that's half the point."

Sirius shook his head, and caught James's eye. Now was as good a time as any to out this piece of news. "By people, I mean us. The marauders. Either your acting is getting better, or there's something up here."

James blinked, then winced as Sirius's statement rushed over and slapped him in the face. "WHAT? Sirius, you can't possibly think, I mean, _how could you even suggest_ that I like Lily Evans? She's—" He floundered about, searching for a word.

"Well she's quite pretty, to begin with," Sirius pointed out. "I mean, if you like that sort of thing."

"She's not pretty," James stated determinedly.

"And smart, you can't deny that."

"I don't like smart people." James seemed determined to prove that he was not, in any way, after Lily. Except as a prank, of course.

"And she doesn't like you."

"How is that a reason?"

Sirius shrugged. "I'm just pointing out the possibilities here."

James took a deep breath, and pulled himself together. "Sirius, so what if she's pretty and smart and all? She's fun to argue with, and amusing to prank. That's it." He caught Sirius's eyes and held them, trying to convince his friend that there was _nothing_ going on between him and Lily. And never likely to be anything, either.

Sirius looked at him for a minute, then grinned. "Okay, you're right, it's ridiculous. I'm sorry to suggest it, but it's just that there's something odd there, and I can't put my finger on it. Lily's too good for you anyhow." He ducked as James pulled a pillow off of one of the beds in the dormitory, and threw it.

"Is not. Just because you're jealous of my good looks and impeccable charm is no reason to lie."

"And just because I've got a girlfriend and you're left pretending to like Evans is no reason to throw a pillow at me."

James considered this for a moment, then decided. "Yes it is," and another pillow flew over to hit Sirius dead on the nose.

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James loved weekends, and this weekend promised to be a good one. Quidditch tryouts were tomorrow, finally. The Quidditch Pitch had apparently been "redone" and had been off limits for the past few weeks. So James hadn't picked out a team yet, even though the first game was in early November. October was going to be a—hectic—month, and he wasn't sure how much practice the team was going to get before their first game. _Oh well, _he thought,_ at least it's only against Ravenclaw. They haven't won the cup in forever._

So tryouts were tomorrow, James thought, trying to order his mind. And tonight was the marauder's meeting in the Room of Requirement, at nine o'clock. And the rest of the weekend? Preparations, mostly, for The Hoax. James grinned. Oh yes, this _was_ going to be a wonderful weekend.

He headed down the stairs and into the common room, his eyes scanning for a certain redhead. Not here, unfortunately. So James smiled at a group of 3rd years who were looking his way, and clambered out of the portrait hole.

He knew exactly where to go, of course. This was OWL year, and all the teachers seemed determined to murder their 5th years by way of homework. The marauders hadn't had trouble with the new levels of homework, but then again, that could be because they didn't even try to do most of it. Well, except for Remus, but he usually did his work while his friends weren't about to tease him about it.

James capered happily towards the library, whistling a tune and wishing there could be just a few more weekends every week. He was almost to his destination when he heard a commotion.

"You filthy mudblood!"

"Oh come on, just ignore him, he's a _Slytherin,_ after all."

James rushed around the corner to see what the trouble was. With very little surprise, James found a Slytherin 5th year, Severus Snape, and a 4th year Gryffindor girl facing eachother in the hallway, glaring. The girl's friend, who James thought he might once have dated, was trying to pull her friend away towards the library, but she wasn't having much success.

James shook his head. Slytherins had no business detaining Gryffindors in the hallway. He took a step forward. "Well isn't it a beautiful morning, Snivellus?" he sneered.

Severus Snape raised his head quickly, making his long black hair, greasy and unwashed as it was, swing slightly. It framed a pale and pimpled face, with eyes black and tunnel-like, and thin, snakelike lips. There was fear in his eyes, though, looking up at the much taller and more athletic James Potter.

"Was until you showed up," he muttered under his breath, but he was moving subtly down the hallway, inching away from James.

"Oh, come on now, Snivellus, don't you think you owe this poor girl an apology before you leave?" The girl, now standing next to James, smiled cheekily and nodded.

"No, not really," Snape said the words with confidence, though he clearly knew where they would land him.

James had his wand out in a flash, and as he was near the top of his Defense Against the Dark Arts class, he had plenty of curses to back himself up.

"Expelliarmus," of course, was the first spell to use, then "Silencio," just to make sure. Then, of course, James was at his leisure. He paused, glancing around, and remembered Sirius's wake up call on the first day of school. "Tarantallegra," he used.

Everyone was laughing, and the laughter only increased as Snape's legs began to dance uncontrollably. James was just raising his wand for another go, when he received a surprise. There was suddenly another figure between him and Snivellus, a certain redhead. James felt his heart sink. Lily wasn't the greatest fan of Slytherin-baiting.

"Potter, what do you think you're doing?" she asked loudly. Still, her voice was barely heard over the continuing laughter.

"Actually, Evans, I was protecting a fellow Gryffindor." Oh, please, she could hardly fault him for coming to the rescue of a housemate, could she? That would be ridiculous.

"By making Snape dance? How very intelligent of you," Lily said, voice positively dripping with sarcasm. "You do know Flitwick's room is just down the hall, don't you? You could get a teacher instead of breaking school rules by dueling in the hallways."

She _was _being ridiculous. "Calm down, Evans, he's just a Slytherin."

Lily's eyes widened, and her face flushed with anger. "Just a Slytherin? And what does that make you? Just an arrogant, big-headed, self-centered," her voice rose with every word, and she cut herself off, trying to regain control of the situation. "Twenty points from Gryffindor."

"What?!! Are you nuts?" _Was _she nuts? This was crazy, completely mad, and quite batty. All he'd done was get back at a filthy, unwashed Slytherin for insulting a Gryffindor. And it wasn't as though he'd done any lasting harm.

Lily just pressed her lips together, and walked away, looking uncannily like Professor McGonagall.

James turned back to face Snape, just in time to receive a slash across the face from Snivellus's recovered wand. He raised his own wand, but Snape was gone through the crowd before he had time to think the word "Slytherin."

James frowned, watching the crowd dissolve, nothing left for them to watch. He glanced in the direction in which Lily had disappeared, then shook his head. If he went after her now, she'd probably take more points, and that was the last thing he wanted.

No, Snivellus was a much more worthwhile target as far as pranks went...

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"So, how are the preparations going?" James asked curiously that night in the Room of Requirement. He'd spent the rest of his day sitting around, staring at various pieces of homework, and imagining the unfortunate demises of the teachers who had assigned it.

"Pretty well," Pete answered with a grin, not noticing James's slightly downhearted mood. "We got most of the supplies, so now we just have to set up for week one."

James pulled himself out of his sulk. "Great, so everything's planned?"

"You bet," Sirius said. He exchanged a grin with Peter and Remus. Which James didn't notice.

James paused, then said exactly the phrase he knew his friends didn't want to hear. "We're overlooking something, though."

They groaned, and Sirius did an incredible impression of someone falling over dead.

"Oh, come on James," he said, magically coming back to life. "We've been over this a thousand times. We planned it out, and it'll work. End of story."

James shrugged. "It probably will, but I still can't shake the feeling that we're missing something obvious."

Remus smiled, "Well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Until then..." he let his words drift off into nothingness.

The marauders sat for a moment, savoring just being out after curfew, just like always. But James was feeling antsy, and he couldn't stay still for long before he was up and about once again.

James interrupted with a declaration of his own. "This thing with Lily, I changed my mind." He paused. "I want to bamboozle her. Make her think I really do like her." He looked around to see the reactions from the other marauders.

Remus shook his head. "Didn't we agree early on that that would be cruel?"

"Not really," Pete said thoughtfully. "I mean, yeah, we talked about it before, but—well, Evans isn't really the type to get worked up over a boy, is she?" He gave an amused grin. "Especially not over a guy like James."

Sirius nodded, "That's true. I mean, maybe she'll throw another plate at Prongsie's head, but its not like he keeps anything important in there anyway."

Pete laughed, but Remus still didn't look convinced. James smiled hopefully. "Oh come on Moony. I'm not going to actually go out with her or anything. But there's no challenge in just _annoying _her; I need a goal. A goal like, say, convincing her I like her. And after that I leave her well enough alone."

Remus raised his eyebrows, obviously not believing a word coming out of James's mouth.

"Well, I'll still prank her and all, but Operation Lily-Love will be over." James looked expectantly at Remus, waiting to see what his answer would be.

Remus shrugged. "You'll do what you want anyway, you always do," he muttered ruefully.

"But Moony!" James mock protested. "I'd not take a breath if I didn't think you approved!"

"Pity he _does_ approve of breathing, then," Pete murmured to Sirius, who burst into a fit of giggles. Masculine giggles, that is. Well, sort of.

Remus rolled his eyes. "I'm sure." He waited a moment, then nodded, as if to himself. "Fine, I'll cooperate with the new part of Operation L-L, but James, no more changes."

"On my honor," James said innocently. "No more changes." Then he grinned unrepentantly. "Because I simply couldn't think of a way to make this prank any more fun than it already is."

He sounded so child-like, as though he'd just been given a whole bushel of Chocolate Frogs, and been told that he wasn't allowed to share them. The other three marauders fell silent, picturing young James taking all the chocolate frogs and shoving them into his mouth at once. Then, as if on cue, they all began to laugh again.

"Anyways," he interrupted the chortling of his friends, "we have another problem."

"Hmm?" Remus asked, somewhat vaguely.

"Snivellus. He's overstepping."

Sirius raised his head, immediately alert. "What did he do now?"

James frowned and gestured wordlessly at the scratch on his cheek.

"The nerve," Sirius muttered under his breath. Then, louder, "So what should we do about him?"

James shrugged. "Well, you know, there _are_ a full thirty-one days in October. Surely we can devote just one of them to dear Snivellus." He was talking about the 31 days in The Hoax. One full day of pranks on Snape? Well, that _would _be uncomfortable for dear Severus.

Remus, though, seemed confused. "James?"

"Yeah?"

"How did Snape cut your face?"

James looked at his friend, a bemused expression on his face. "With his wand, Moony. What did you think?"

"No, I mean, how was it that he, er, got past your guard?"

"Oh, that." James made a face. "Evans came out from the library at the wrong moment and distracted me. Took twenty bloody points from Gryffindor, too, you know. Anyway, Snivellus got me while I was talking to her." Well, right after he'd finished talking to her, if one was going to be picky, but still. It boiled down to the same thing, really.

Remus winced. "I'm sure that's great for Operation L-L," he said with weak sarcasm.

James opened and closed his mouth. "Well, what was I supposed to do, ignore the fact that he was insulting a Gryffindor?"

Sirius glared at Remus. "Moony, Prongs is right. Snivellus deserved every moment of it. He's a greasy little slimeball, is all."

Remus shook his head, wondering exactly how thick his friends could be. "James, didn't you just decide that you wanted Lily to think you liked her?"

"And your point is what, exactly?"

"Well, you're going about it the wrong way, if you're cursing people down the hallways and forcing her to take points from the house, don't you think?"

"I did _not_ force her to take points from Gryffindor," James said distinctly. "In fact, I seem to remember being quite against the whole thing."

"James, you dueled in the hallway. That's against the rules. So Lily, being a prefect, had to take points."

James muttered something unintelligible.

Remus shook his head. "Either way, we're getting off the topic. James, if you want Lily to think you like her, you're going to have to put some effort into it."

Sirius grinned. "He's right, mate. No difficulty, no challenge. You're going to have to stop cursing people down the hallway."

James hadn't anticipated this turn in the conversation, and it clearly wasn't making him very happy. "Look, I'm not going to stop protecting Gryffindors because some sanctimonious goody-goody thinks I'm breaking rules," he said heatedly.

Peter looked thoughtful for a moment, then spoke. "Prongs, you don't have to give it up. Just, well, tone it down a bit while Evans is around."

Sirius smiled. "Right. Then Evans thinks you're being considerate and law-abiding," someone, possibly Peter, snorted at thins, "and in real life, you can carry on with the marauder—ideals."

James agreed, if reluctantly, but Remus was worried. Every new development in Operation L-L was more disturbing than the last. First, it was just a one-time joke, and then it was extended. Then James wanted to make it more convincing, and now he was planning on lying through his teeth for the duration of the project. Remus didn't like it, not one bit. But he knew better than to interfere. James would do as he liked, and sooner or later, the whole thing would come crashing down on his head. Just like always.

And the marauders would be there, picking him up, dusting him off, and teasing him about it, just as always.

But Remus couldn't quell the tiny voice in his head saying that this time, something was different. It said that he, and the rest of the marauders, were overlooking something where Operation Lily-Love was concerned. They were overlooking something important.

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_The author takes a deep breath..._

Okay, aak! I'm so rushed right now. I actually don't like this chapter very much, I've got so much info to stick in here and yet my inspiration kind of went flat. I messed with the chap enough though, that I figure it's not a _complete _embarrassment. Ah, well, nothing to be done 'bout it now. The reason I'm rushing is that this week is "hell week" for my drama club, and for anyone who doesn't know, that's the week before the production. It's the week where the director summarily executes the majority of the cast and crew....so I may not get a chapter out for a whole 2 weeks. I'll try, but I ought to have homework up to my ears and play rehearsals and soccer and play rehearsals and then the shows. So no promises, eh?

Thanks to all my reviewers, as always, I'll give you a proper shout-out next time I post, and if you review more than once, you get extra shout-outs, don't you know it...So for those who did review, thanks for the warm fuzzy feeling, and I'll get back to you next time.

Oh, but for **PinkytheSnowman** and **StarzInHerEyes**, I eternally curse the evil teachers who give too much homework...just visualize them being slowly killed...then think of pretty flowers, hmmm?

And everyone, check out **Lia Tween**'s story, "Forgotten Memoirs" I believe it's called. I actually role played one of the characters in chapter 7, so GO READ IT!

And of course read my story "Oddments and Essays" and my other penname with **PinkytheSnowman**, which is **SiriuslyInsane62442**. We have 2 stories in progress, "The Trouble With Evil Monkeys," and "Stalker! Letters from a Bighead."

And as always, drop me a review telling me if you liked it, what parts made you laugh, and of course, any constructive criticism you may have for me. Click that button down there, you know you waaant tooo....

Okay, now, I think I said everything I needed to, so I'll see y'all in two weeks! Something sparkly to those who reviewed last week, and a surprise to those who review this week.

MaNcHoT dU dEsTiN


	12. Chapter 12, Unforeseen Developments

Oh, wow. Time really gets away from you, if you let it. To explain my extreme lateness, well, I know I told y'all before that I had the performances of my play on the 19th and 20th, and that weekend I also had a research paper to finish, plus soccer practice, etc. Last weekend, I'm sorry; I just didn't have the time on the computer. I had Thanksgiving, 3 consecutive sleepovers, a global video project, and a major English project. So I'm extremely sorry. (I feel especially horrible as someone just told me how glad they were I updated once a week…and now…._three weeks later…_)

Believe it or not, I don't own the Harry Potter universe.

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Chapter 12: Unforeseen Developments:

Alanna shook her head, glancing back at the menacing figure following behind her. The figure that was Lily Evans.

"Lily, you don't have to come down here. It's not as if I'm going to run off." Alanna gestured at the wide expanses of the Hogwarts grounds. She'd love to run off.

Lily flashed her teeth. "Just making sure."

Alanna frowned.

"You know, if you do that 199,999 more times, you'll get a wrinkle on your forehead," Lily advised.

"Thanks, Lils. I'd be really grateful for that bit of advice if I didn't already know I'd have grey hair by the end of the year."

Lily raised her right eyebrow. "Why's that?"

"SrsBlck"

"Unclench your teeth and try again."

"Sirius Black." Alanna frowned. _Only 199,998 more to go,_ she thought distractedly.

"He's not that bad."

Alanna raised both of her eyebrows. "Lily Marie Evans, I know you tend to focus on _Mr. Potter's_ deficiencies, but that shouldn't blind you to Sirius's faults."

Lily grinned. "Those were abnormally large words, you know."

"I know. I'm trying to get this through your abnormally large brain. Having Black as a potions partner is every bit as bad as having Potter for one."

"But you're passing, at least."

Alanna shrugged. "Black is too busy going googly-eyed over Samantha Reed to notice what I'm doing. He does pretty much what I tell him to do."

"Right, and how is Sirius Black passing when I'm not?!"

"Lily, calm it down. First of all, he's smarter than he acts." _Hard not to be, really. Just imagine if he were actually that stupid._ Alanna contemplated the prospect for a moment. _Nope, not possible._ "And besides, Professor Avogadro is just trying to prove a point to you."

"A point." Lily kicked a tuft of grass, glaring at it as if she'd like to beat it into a bloody pulp. "Why can't he just _say it_? Instead of failing me?" Lily targeted another tuft of grass, and annihilated it with her sneaker.

"Because then it'll get filed away with all the rest of the useless knowledge you keep stored in your head. This way, you get to figure things out yourself." Alanna had to laugh at the expression of Lily's face. "He wants to make a lasting impression."

"Well, if he doesn't watch it, I'm going to make a lasting impression on James Potter's skull."

Alanna feigned surprise. "That's awfully violent, Miss Lily."

"Well, it'll be his own fault. Why does Potter _insist_ on making my life hell?"

"He's not doing anything socially unacceptable. You're the one who's taking offense to it."

"He's stalking me."

"Is not. He's—chasing is a better word—He's chasing you. And everyone other than you thinks it's sweet."

"He is not sweet. He is a cockroach." Lily withered yet another tuft of grass with her glower. "You can't seriously think he's being sweet."

"Well, _I_ don't think so. But I don't think he's out to ruin your life, either."

Lily raised both of her eyebrows in an expression of extreme doubt. "Want to bet on that?"

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Unfortunately (for Alanna), it was then that the two girls reached their destination. The Quidditch pitch. Alanna scowled mightily. She'd have wrinkles in no time if she kept on like this.

"Lily. Please. Do not make me do this."

Lily smirked. "You promised you would. Plus, you're an awesome keeper. If you don't make the team, I'll eat Sara's sneakers. On my honor."

"Great," Alanna muttered to herself. "If I make it, I get to hang around with Black and Potter for hours every day, and if I don't, I get to watch Lily eat footwear."

Lily beamed. "See? It's a win-win situation."

Alanna killed an innocent tuft of grass that Lily had missed earlier. "On to tryouts then, I suppose," she murmured. "And hopefully I end up with the lesser of the two evils."

Lily grinned, her eyes sparkling mischievously. "That's right, Aly. Get yourself off to tryouts. Scat."

And with a last withering look at Lily, Alanna did go.

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James Potter surveyed the ten Gryffindor students who'd shown up for the tryouts. One beater, one chaser, and a keeper. Seven of the ten wouldn't make the team. He turned his head to glance at those already on the team.

Sirius Black, beater. He was slouching, scowling, and completely ignoring three sixth year girls who were eying him with interest. When he saw that James was looking at him, though, Sirius raised his head in acknowledgement, and the usual spark of mischief slipped into his grey eyes. He grinned briefly, then went back to slouching and scowling, letting his elegant black hair obscure his face. James just shook his head. Sirius was flirting like mad, and no one but him would ever realize it.

The seeker was a short, brown-haired girl by the name of Corey Marshall. She was the quickest flier James had ever met, and had a talent for being everywhere at once on the pitch. A third-year, she didn't socialize much with James's crowd, and she had plunked herself down by the stands to read a book.

The remaining chaser was Nick Myers, a sixth year, and James's fellow chaser. He was tall and blonde, and could throw the quaffle fast enough and hard enough to bruise, if you were unlucky enough to get in the way. He was known for scoring goals from far outside the scoring areas. He was sitting on his broom, hovering about three feet off the ground, and every once in a while, he'd nonchalantly slip into a loop-the-loop, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

James turned back to look at his prospects. Three girls and seven boys, all milling around and looking nervous. He shook his head, then opened his mouth, organizing them into groups based on which positions they were trying out for.

"Sirius, will you get out a bludger and test the beaters?" James called out, referring to the two stocky boys who were shifting nervously from foot to foot.

Sirius rolled his eyes, but nodded. James couldn't help but shake his head. Sirius had the maturity of a six-year-old sometimes. _Not that I'm much better,_ James thought ruefully, _but I don't flaunt it as much._

James looked about then, thinking. He could use Nick to test the potential keepers, or James could do that himself and delegate Nick to working with the 5 prospective chasers._ Chasers_, James thought decisively. _Making the keepers block his shots would be overly cruel._ _For today, anyhow._

James issued the orders with a confidence born from years of leadership. He'd never been the type to sit and watch other people take command.

"—ten minutes ago. You're late." James could hear Sirius's voice ringing out from the opposite side of the pitch. James told the 3 keepers to get ready and stay put, then hustled to see what had gotten Sirius so riled up.

"Well, I'll be even later if you won't let me past, Black." Goodness. That snarling tone could only belong to Alanna Simmons, Lily's dark-haired friend. James hid a grin. She always managed to sound extra vicious when speaking with Sirius. That might have something to do with the fact that Sirius had turned her hair a different color every day for a month in second year.

"Simmons," James interceded, before Sirius could say something he'd regret later. "Is there a reason you're here?"

She blushed, but turned her brown eyes up to meet James's face. "Funny thing, I was under the impression that there were Quidditch tryouts today."

"There are," James said without thinking, wondering what Alanna was getting at.

But Sirius's eyebrows suddenly shot up so high that they were in imminent danger of disappearing into his hair. "You're going to try out for Quidditch? I thought you liked to read and study and—" he broke off with a shudder.

"Just because I _can read_, Black, doesn't mean I can't do anything else." _Unlike you_. She didn't say it, but she didn't have to. Sirius and James knew what she was thinking.

"What—" James decided to avert disaster and just go along with whatever was happening. It wasn't his usual approach to life, but this was Quidditch, after all. He was responsible where Quidditch was concerned. "—what position are you trying out for?"

Sirius gave him a look as if to say 'you're letting her do this? Are you nuts?' but James ignored him studiously.

"Keeper," Alanna said simply, throwing a triumphant look over her shoulder at Sirius as she headed in the direction James was pointing.

"Sirius," James said, stopping his friend from following after Alanna.

"Look, Prongs, she's Evans's best friend. She's probably here to spy on us or something."

James shook his head. "Padfoot, even if that were true, this is Quidditch tryouts. So what if she's here? And it's quite likely that she actually wants to be on the team, you know."

Sirius shook his head, tight-lipped. "Look, James, she gets under my skin." He shuddered.

James raised his eyebrows.

"It's right maddening, having her about. It's so—she's just—" Sirius gave up trying to find the words to describe the dark-haired girl. "Look, I have to go test those beaters before they kill themselves with the clubs."

James nodded. "Sure, go ahead." He watched Sirius walk off, and noted the antagonistic look his friend lobbed off toward the keepers. James sighed, but now wasn't the time to figure these things out. He turned and jogged back to the keepers.

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It was almost four hours later that James finally signaled to Sirius and Nick to bring the groups down. There were only five left, of the ten—eleven, including Alanna—who had begun auditioning earlier.

James pulled his two teammates aside, making sure that no one followed them. "Okay, we've got to make a decision, and we've got to make it now. We've not got much time 'til our first match, and we've a long way to go with this team." He glanced from Sirius, who looked worn out, to Nick, who looked as if he'd like nothing more than to peg each and every potential chaser with the quaffle. "Nick? What do you think?"

"The short one, with the brown hair. Ricky Anderson, he's a second-year."

James and Sirius shared a look. "A second year?" Sirius queried.

"Sure," Nick replied, managing to look supremely bored by the whole process. Now, though, he looked as though he'd like to peg Sirius. But then again, who didn't? "Second-years last longer than seventh-years. You don't have to replace them every year," he said dryly. "Plus, Anderson is a right brilliant chaser. Better than the others who showed up, anyhow."

James nodded slowly. "And he's reliable?"

"From what I could tell. I'd take him on, Potter, he's got some potential."

James frowned slightly, thinking. "We need more than potential, if we're going to beat Slytherin this year. They've got a lineup that's to die for."

"He can do it," Nick said confidently.

"Good." James grinned. "So we've got our chaser. "Sirius? How're the beaters?"

"Most of them could do with a knock on the head or two. They're a bit thick."

James smirked. "All the beaters I've met are thick; I doubt they'd feel it."

"Hey! That's not very nice," Sirius pouted. "I take personal offense to that statement." He saw James give him a look, and subsided. "Well, there's one who'll have to do. His name is Geoffrey Lewis. He's—he'll have to do."

"Well, is he any good?" James wanted to know.

"Sure. He's fine." James motioned Sirius to continue. "He's got great aim, and I'm sure he can hit harder than he did today."

"Great, so Anderson and Lewis." James paused. "But as for the keepers, I'm afraid I haven't a clue. There are two. Alanna Simmons—" Here, James shot a sympathetic look at Sirius, then continued, "And Michael Tudor."

"What a choice," Sirius muttered under his breath. Michael Tudor was rich, and fairly stuck up (whether he was more arrogant than Sirius was a moot point). Alanna Simmons, on the other hand 'got under Sirius's skin.' Neither of the candidates were ones he would choose.

James shrugged. "I wouldn't have chosen them either, Sirius, but I have to look out for the team, and they're good."

"But you're not sure who's better." Sirius phrased it as a statement, not a question.

"Yeah," James said. "But we've got to figure it out now. I was thinking—well, Nick, what would you say to taking a few penalty shots?"

James could see, by the smile lighting up Nick's face, that he'd been right. Nick Myers _had_ been dying to peg someone.

James sent off those who had not made the team, and those who had as well. Only he, Sirius, Nick, Michael Tudor, and Alanna Simmons remained. "Alright," James began, "I've seen both of you, and you're very good. Good enough, in fact that you've tied. Myers," he gestured at Nick, "and I will take ten shots each, five at each of you. Whoever blocks the most is on the team."

Alanna and Michael nodded, and turned to retrieve their brooms, but James cut them off. "And these'll be real shots, not the testing ones I was tossing out earlier." James had to grin at the startled expressions. Honestly, James was captain, surely they hadn't thought that the weak shots he'd been throwing earlier (to test the keepers' skill) were his best.

James motioned both keepers into the air, and turned to speak with Nick. "What do you reckon? Start with Tudor, and do all 10 shots, then do Simmons?"

Nick shook his head. "Come on, Potter, make it dramatic; one shot on Tudor, then one on Simmons."

James thought, then shook his own head. "It's getting dark, Myers, and I want to go eat dinner. Anyway, it's not a story, what's the need to be dramatic?"

Nick laughed, "I confess, I never thought I'd hear that out of your mouth."

"I'm not always dramatic," James shot back, but that only made Nick laugh harder.

Sirius added his two cents, "Come on, Myers, you know James values food over _everything, _drama included."

James found himself sighing melodramatically. "Above everything but Evans. Lily Evans is at the top of every list."

Sirius snorted, but James was already in the air, ready to take his shots.

"Tudor! You're first," James shouted, watching the larger figure move to circle the goal posts. James took the quaffle from the crook of his arm and searched for a hole in Michael Tudor's defense.

There it was, and _whoosh,_ the quaffle was out of James's hand, and zooming toward the right-hand hoop. Michael attempted to dive to the side, but his broom didn't change direction quickly enough. The red ball slipped easily past Michael's fingers, and into the goal.

James shook his head, ignoring the "DAMN!" that was echoing around the pitch. He couldn't help but smile. He _had _warned them that he was actually going to try to score this time around.

Nick's shot was next. He didn't even bother to aim, just wound back his arm and _threw_. James winced. The quaffle was heading for the middle hoop, fairly close to Michael, so he'd be able to get there if he hustled. The question was if he could stop the quaffle getting through once he did get there; after all, Nick Myers threw _hard_.

Nick managed to get behind the quaffle, which made a sickening _thump_ as it crashed into his chest. This sound was followed quickly by _oomph _of dispelled breath, knocked straight out of Michael Tudor's body.

James didn't let him nurse his injury, though. Sirius gave him the quaffle, and James immediately launched it again, this time to the left. Michael caught this too, albeit barely. But no sooner had he thrown it back to Nick than it was again hurtling toward the middle goal.

James watched in amusement as Michael tried to avoid further injury to his chest, and attempted to reach out to the side and grab the quaffle. He obviously hadn't realized that a quaffle going that fast could hurt his arm far worse than it could hurt his chest. Luckily, though, he missed, and the quaffle soared through the hoop.

It went on like that, and Michael did a fairly good job. By the end of the ten shots, he had only let in two of James's and two of Nick's.

"Simmons!" James called. "You're up!"

The small, dark-haired figure took her place in front the hoops, and began circling around them, ready for the first shot.

James offered Nick the quaffle, grinning. "You first."

Nick threw the red ball at the left-hand hoop, and James could hear the force of it as it whistled through the air.

"James," Sirius had said earlier, "Do you think she could stop it if she threw herself bodily in front of it? I mean, she's awfully skinny."

Then, James had smirked, and told Sirius to keep his mouth shut and go get the quaffle. But now, James had to wonder if Alanna _could_ stop it. Sirius was right; she was thin as a twig.

But that particular bit of speculation couldn't be resolved quite yet. She missed the quaffle, and it swung easily into the goal. Alanna didn't react, she just set herself back up for the next shot, but James didn't have to look around to see the smirk he knew was on Sirius's face.

James shook his head, wondering _what _it was that could make Sirius hate Alanna so much. She was, well, she was a nice person, and she'd never gone out of her way to upset Sirius, not like he did with her. What was it that made Sirius, usually such an entertaining person, so patronizing to her?

It didn't matter, though, not right now. James took the quaffle aimed, and shot it toward the left hoop. It arced, curved, and went into the now-undefended middle hoop. James grinned, and Nick congratulated him on the shot.

Nick's next shot was blocked, but James knew Alanna would have a bruise from _that _particular save. She didn't have a nice protective layer of fat.

James shot again, and she anticipated the curve this time, snatching the quaffle out of the air just before it passed through the hoop.

"She's not bad," Nick murmured, and James had to agree as the shots progressed. One extremely well-placed shot went in, but other than that, she blocked or caught the rest. Finally, it was time for James's final shot.

Michael Tudor was down on the ground, leaning against the shed where the balls were kept when not in use. He, like the others, knew that this shot would be the difference between him making the team or not.

"So James, you're getting your drama after all," Nick observed. "It's down to the last shot."

James grinned. "That's true. Well, I might as well make it a good shot, then, eh?"

Sirius looked thoughtful. "Make it a good one, James. If Simmons makes the team, I don't want it to be off of a weak shot." Hmm, was he actually admitting that there was a good chance she'd make it?

James just nodded, positioning the quaffle carefully in his hands. He'd been wanting to try out a new throw anyhow. _Well, here goes nothing._ James lobbed the quaffle up into the air, and watched it come back towards him. When it was level with his head, he drew back his arm, then allowed it to shoot forward, punching the quaffle solidly towards the outer rim of the right-hand post.

Alanna hung in place for a moment, her eyes the only part of her moving. They followed the quaffle, watching it, waiting to see where it would land. Then, she maneuvered her broom, aiming it expertly toward where the quaffle would shortly be. Then, with a burst of speed, she was there. She stretched out her fingers, putting every fiber of her body to work, trying to elongate her arms, trying to reach the quaffle that was just barely out of reach.

_She's not going to make it,_ James thought as time seemed to slow down. _She's just not _long _enough._

But Alanna proved him wrong. She gave one last push, letting go of her broom, and reaching that one iota farther. The tips of her fingers brushed the quaffle, deflecting it, sending just outside the hoop.

Alas, though, that last stretch lost her balance, and though Alanna reached for her broom, she missed, and both she and the broom fell.

Alanna landed in a bush. James couldn't begin to imagine why there was a bush on the pitch, but at the moment, he didn't particularly care. He dove, quickly reaching the spot Alanna had fallen.

Out of breath, and hoping fervently that there was nothing wrong that could not be fixed, James peered warily into the bush. He saw her, Alanna, wincing, but looking very much alive and alright.

"Are you okay?" James asked worriedly.

"Yeah," she gasped. "But I think I've melded together with the bush."

James sighed with relief. "Here," he offered her a hand, and she took it, letting him pull her up. She was scratched, and it looked as though she might have broken a rib or two, but things could have been worse, much worse.

"So, congratulations, you're on the team," Nick said.

James grinned at her. "Yeah, congrats."

Alanna just grimaced. "Thanks, judging by this experience, it ought to be _loads_ of fun."

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_**Author's Note:**_

Well, again, I'm soooo sorry for the delay, but I promise, from now on into the foreseeable future, it's back to an update a week (unless I forewarn you specifically).

Okay, as usual, I'll have to remind you to (please!) read my other work, which is "Oddments and Essays" and a new one-shot called "A Symphony of Language a Cacophony of Diatribe." Don't forget that **PinkytheSnowman**and I co-write on the pen name of **SiriuslyInsane62442** where we've got "The Trouble with Evil Monkeys" and "Stalker! Letters from a Bighead" currently in progress.

Also, check out **PinkytheSnowman**'s other work, **Lia Tween**'s "Surfacing Memoirs," which I role-play in quite a bit, and **Jedicren**'s "The Past Haunts You," which I beta for. They are all well worth reading.

Finally, to my reviewers, who hopefully haven't all abandoned me…all sorts of wonderful gifts for all of you.

**Jedicren:** I know, I've been trying to move things along a bit faster. You'll see what I mean next chapter…

**LoonyMoony90**: I love the name. Thanks so much, I'm so glad you're enjoying this as much as me!

And as for "seeing the love"….hehehe. That's all I'll say for now.

Oh, and thank you, I do try to stay as true to canon as possible…JKR is the boss, after all

**StarfireMidnightGlory:** Doesn't everyone like stickers? I do…

James wearing fruit? Well, I'll have to say that didn't occur to me…

And _sniff_ thanks for sooo many compliments.

Hmm, James on the red carpet? He's a natural, as I'm sure you've realized.

Ha, yes, let's set Hermione on James for having house elves….

Yes, well I really want to see what JKR does with the character of Petunia…could be interesting, no?

Hee, and yes, I know Pinky's work is good, that's why I collaborate with her…

**KcluvsMl:** I have to say, judging by your review, you are my type of person. Hee, yes, a weird one. But weird people are so much more _interesting!_ Hmm, and French isn't all that bad.

There are more reviews, but I'll get back to those under chapter 13, which, by the by, is already written. So I'll see y'all soon! (if you reviewed but you're not on here, don't worry, I'll reply to you for chapter 13!)

manchot du destin


	13. Chapter 13, What Were those Unforeseen D...

Hmmm, I suppose that it's vaguely possibly that I am JK Rowling and own Harry Potter and co…But wait, I'm fifteen, live in New York State, and am still in high school. On second though, I don't think I _do_ own Harry Potter and co.

Okay, this isn't a proper chapter, just a little 'epilogue' to the previous chapter…that's why it's so short, etc.

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Chapter 13, What were those Unforeseen Developments?

James hung back as Nick and Michael Tudor helped Alanna to the hospital wing. She seemed alright, if a bit beat up. James, too, felt much better. Finally, they had their team, and what a team it was going to be. The new chaser and beater were more than competent, he had been assured, and as for the new keeper? Well, he'd seen first hand that taking her on wasn't going to be a mistake.

"Sirius?" James queried, looking for his friend. The stimulation of Alanna's fall had driven all thoughts of Sirius clean out of James's head, and it wasn't until Nick, Michael, and Alanna had left that James realized that Sirius was nowhere to be seen.

"I'm here," Sirius said softly, and James followed his quiet voice to where Sirius was sitting behind the shed.

"What's wrong?" James asked with concern, wondering what had disheartened his normally cheerful friend.

"Nothing."

This was so obviously a lie that James had to stifle an urge to hang Sirius by his toes until he told the truth. Instead, he settled for lifting his left eyebrow.

"I was kind of hoping something like that would happen," Sirius muttered dejectedly. "You know, that she would fall."

_Oh, so that was the problem_. "Sirius, you know that wasn't your fault."

"I know." It didn't sound like a lie.

"Then why are you so upset about it?"

"I put the bush there, you know," Sirius said, gesturing faintly with his wand. He avoided James's eyes as assiduously as he was avoiding answering the question.

"I thought you hated Alanna," James observed.

"So did I." Sirius's reply was so soft that James was sure he must have imagined it. But then he glanced at Sirius's face, hooded by the shadows. He looked—burdened was the word for it.

James's eyes widened. "What are you saying?"

"I'm not saying anything," Sirius snapped quietly. "I just found something out though, and I don't like it." He looked at James, a beseeching look, imploring him not to say anything, not to mention this, not _ever._ "I don't like it at all."

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Three guesses what Sirius figured out, and I'll give you a hint, it's got nothing to do with him originally "wanting" Alanna to fall…

If you can't guess…well, you'll find out soon enough, I'm sure.

Reviewers….I love you all so much. And guess what? I now have over 100 reviews for this story! So I'll give y'all some confetti. (Oh, and I apologize in advance if the reviews are longer than the chapter….)

**Jersey Princess:** Wow, I'm absolutely amazed. I got a review from you for every single chapter, and it made me so HAPPY! Unfortunately, if I replied individually to every single review of yours, well…there'd be a page in itself…so I'll just address any major points you had. Hmm, yes, I liked putting Alanna on the team. _Cackles evilly._ Oh, and I'm sure we all consider Pettigrew to be "cute"….kidding, kidding….oh, and yes, I know my plot is predictable, but it's fun nonetheless…goodness, you did review a lot, I do love you….really? You're British? Wow, you know, it is unbelievable that people in different countries read all this…(hmmph, _I_ say hot cocoa…._bows to your greater knowledge anyway_)…Oh, yes, and _please_ if you do notice something not consistent with British culture, do tell me. Well, thanks oh so much for your many reviews, they did make me very happy indeed. Talk to you next chapter, right?

**Andy**: I love getting your reviews. And thanks so much, I tried to make Quidditch seem like a real sport with plays and maneuvers and everything (which it is, in this particular universe). Harrumph, though, I can't play Quidditch, I have to settle for soccer (which is fun, but we can't fly).

**PinkytheSnowman:** Hahaha, what I would have given not to be 3,000 miles away from you so I could actually see the "happy update dance." Yeah, and Lily does call James a stalker…_cough_ read our other story _cough_…right? Hehehe. Alright, I'm talking to you right now, so I'm going to go do that…

**A Cute But Psycho Bunny:** I'm glad you liked Nick. He actually wasn't as bad as I thought he'd be. He was modeled after a guy of the same name on my rec soccer team. The guy had a killer kick, but I think story Nick is going to be nicer than real Nick. (Just FYI, Corey is a girl on my travel soccer team…She's _really_ short, but incredibly fast, and an awesome player). Oh, and of course everyone knew Alanna would make the team. It gives me so many opportunities…

**AvId PiAnIsT:** Okay, I owe you, you're right. James doesn't hate Lily. The thing is that he met her first year and they didn't get off to a great start. As they got older, she just naturally, for whatever reason, turned into one of his favorite people to prank. (Probably because she's great at arguing and yelling back at him, and he enjoys a challenge.) He doesn't hate her, but he doesn't consider her as a friend either. Okay, I hope that helped. Thanks a bunch for the constructive criticism, stuff like that helps!

**StarzInHerEyes:** Firstly, _are you sure_ that Joe whatsit is in my chem class? Because I looked during lab and class, and he wasn't there…. Oh, and READ THAT BOOK and give it back to me because Sam wants it…and you have to read the other ten books I lent you over a year ago…(and if you can review and say nothing to do with the story, I can reply and do the same)…so nyah…and GET YOUR STORY OUT!

**Milady Darkan:** It's always so hard to please everyone. The thing is, JKR hasn't told us too much about Snape when he was at school, so it's up for interpretation. Thanks a bundle for your opinion, though, and I'll definitely keep it in mind when Snape returns…he'll have a few tricks of his own, you can bet on that…

**SiriuslyFun19212:** Wow, I'm glad you're liking the Lily and James interaction so far…I guarantee you'll see a heck of a lot more next chapter….and that's all I'll say for now…this story is starting to move….

NOOOO! I have to be off the computer in exactly 6 minutes, so I'll finish replying to reviews in chapter 14, which _fingers crossed_ ought to be up by next Monday…(please forgive any mistakes, I need to be off the comp in about 30 seconds....)

Read all my other stuff, and that of the people I refer to in every other chapter (Please!)…I don't have time to list it today…

penguin of doooom


	14. Chapter 14, Crescendo

Maybe someday I'll be a famous author and make lots of money off of characters that I actually own. Until then, I'm here.

Oh no! I'm behind again. Honestly, I can try to get out a chapter a week, but it's not looking too likely at the moment. By the way, I happen to despise this chapter with a passion. It's a filler, and somehow, getting these people down to dinner was downright impossible. But I can't bring myself to throw away 11 pages, so here it is anyway. We'll see if we can get this story going again with a 'bang,' yeah?

Oh, and **StarzInHerEyes**, I changed the part I showed you, so don't just skip over the first few pages, missy.

Finally, last but not least, I am in need of a beta. I know someone offered a while back, but they didn't give me their email or anything so…Oh well, so anyone who'd like to do this for me, just put your email address into your review, and I'll drop you a note, okey?

Okay, and for anyone as freakish as me…YAY! JKR's DOOR OPENED! Let's put it mildly and say that happiness abounds. (screams and jumps up and down write, Pinky?)

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Chapter 14, Crescendo:

James leaned back in his chair, pushing it onto the back two legs. He hung there for a moment, rocking back and forth, and almost balancing, then coming down again with a snap.

Professor Avogadro didn't turn his head. He didn't even pay tribute to the sound with a flinch.

Lily didn't turn her head either, but judging by the tight line that was her mouth, she wasn't happy about this. It was potions class, that Monday, the first of October, and James had been acting thoroughly flippant and completely arrogant ever since he'd entered the room. _At least he's stopped whistling, _Lily thought sourly. _That was even more—maddening—than this is._ It had been, too. A jaunty show tune that had made Lily, already tired from staying up late the night before, feel an intense need to throttle her irritating partner.

James tipped back again, just a bit farther.

"You're going to fall." Lily's voice was tight, and she again had to repress the urge to strangle James.

"Thanks for the heads up, Evans." Damn, but he was arrogant.

Lily snorted, "It wasn't a heads up; it was a statement of fact."

James lifted his left eyebrow. "And there I was thinking it was a Freudian analysis." He smiled at the surprised look on Lily's face, and pressed his advantage. "Although I suppose it could be a reference to Maslow's personality theory."

"No, if I had to describe you, I'd use Freud's theories. I'd call you a Freudian slip."

James frowned, knitting his eyebrows together. He took Muggle Studies, but usually they spent more time on household items than on psychology ("This is an electrical outlet. Never stick a fork into it."). But Professor Saunders had gotten a bit over-exited one class. She'd started throwing about the names of muggle psychologists and their theories as if they were quaffles.

James wasn't sure if the professor had actually described any of them, let alone this "Freudian slip." Ought he to bluff? The decision, however, was quickly taken away from him, as Lily interrupted.

"A Freudian slip is something not suitable for society," she said nastily. She did not squeeze the life out of James. But she wanted to.

James decided to be the mature one. He stuck out his tongue.

"Actually," a cool, indifferent voice interrupted, "a Freudian slip is when one yields to base desires instead of choosing the action considered suitable to society." Lily felt the tension, coiled tight as a spring inside her, wind tighter. This was excruciating. "Talking in class would be a perfect example. Ten points from Gryffindor, Miss Evans, Mister Potter."

Lily looked up, her face coloring in embarrassment, no, in mortification. "Professor Avogadro, I was just telling Potter to put his chair down." She knew, the moment the words left her mouth, that she should not have said them.

The words hung in the air for a moment, swinging slightly, as Lily opened her mouth, trying to suck them back in, or say something else, or, well, do _anything_ to dig herself out of the hole she was slipping into.

James stepped on her foot, causing Lily to emit a soft squeal of pain. She turned her head, and he shook his head minutely. If Lily said anything now, she'd only make the professor angrier.

"And another ten points from Mr. Potter." Professor Avogadro said in his usual voice, smiling thinly at Lily. If she hadn't known him, Lily would never have realized he was angry at all. But if she had any lingering doubts, his next words dispelled them. "As always, thank you, Miss Evans, for pointing out any and all wrongdoing on your partner's behalf. I'm sure the Ravenclaws, at least, are thrilled with you."

Oh, yes, he was angry. _But why?_ Lily thought despairingly. Professor Avogadro held such high standards, in behavior, in work, in—in _everything._ He expected everyone to live up to them, but _how could they?_ Lily fought the burning sensation from behind her eyes. _Professor Avogadro_ was the only one who even _knew_ the standards he was holding his class up to. And he'd never seen fit to inform Lily or the others.

Lily was used to being the top of every class. But now? Now she'd finally hit rock bottom. The glares of her fellow Gryffindors, and the sympathetic looks from some of the Ravenclaws told her that much. Lily Evans was at the bottom of the class.

Lily felt a knot form in the back of her throat. She swallowed, then again, harder, when the lump refused to go away. This was outrageous. She'd only meant to explain herself, but instead she dug herself an even deeper hole.

And there was Professor Avogadro, idling near the blackboard. He made no move to recollect their attention to continue the lesson. He merely stood in front of his class, surveying his students. And smiling. Infuriatingly.

The burning sensation was spreading, permeating Lily's throat and scorching her eyes. The knot pressed tighter, and Lily knew she'd lost the battle against her tears. She turned her head, not wanting James Potter to see her cry.

But he wasn't blind. "Hey, Evans, I didn't mean it," he said softly, first checking to make sure that Professor Avogadro was occupied torturing some other unsuspecting student. "Evans."

In a flash, Lily's misery was pushed to the background, replaced by a fiery and extremely potent anger. Lily refused to wipe her eyes. She glared straight at James, eyes bright with tears, a few of which slid down her nose, lingering in the folds of her face. "What makes you think I'd want to talk to you right now?"

James watched a tiny tear slip down off of Lily's nose, leaving a streak behind it.

"All you've done this year is follow me around, and I'm tired of it." Her voice went up a half-step in pitch. "You don't take this class seriously, and because of that I'm failing, and now even when I try to defend myself, I end up losing points!" Lily took a deep breath, and swallowed a sob. "And I don't know _what _to do; I've never failed _anything_ before. I tried to be nice and just ignore you or _anything,_ but Professor Avogadro is _still_ failing me, and _I don't know what to do_!" Lily wiped her face furiously on her sleeve. She tried to regulate her voice to a more reasonable octave. "So," she began again, her voice steadying, "now you want to help? Honestly, Potter, I'd be better off helped by a warthog."

Professor Avogadro had astoundingly selective hearing. He was still seemingly engrossed in a lecture to one of the Ravenclaw students, despite Lily's outburst.

James shrugged. "Have it your way," he muttered as the bell rang to end class. The sympathy that had shown on his face only moments before was gone, replaced by his usual self-assured grin. He started for the door, yelling back over his shoulder, "And don't anyone forget about Quidditch tonight!" He left, and Lily was only a few steps behind. She needed to be out of the reach of her vindictive professor.

"How could I not remember Quidditch?" Alanna murmured sardonically, trying (and failing) to redirect the attention of her peers. They were all still peeking at the place where Lily and James had disappeared, out the door.

"You'd be surprised," came the sneer from Sirius's direction.

"Don't talk to me." Alanna didn't even bother to turn her head.

"So don't mock my friends." What, was Sirius _determined_ to start a fight here?

Alanna turned briefly towards him, wanting to end this exchange as quickly as possible. "Oh, right…." It was her turn to sneer. "Some friend you've got there, making innocent girls cry in the middle of class."

"He didn't do anything to her. It's not his fault that she's so sensitive to a whole ten points there."

"Seriously, _Black,_ we need the points Lily gets for Gryffindor. It makes up for all the ones that you and your group lose with your silly pranks." Alanna found her own voice escalating in volume.

Sirius glanced around, noticing for the first time that the rest of the class had left. Oh well, he'd had enough of Alanna. "_You're _not serious, that's me." He rolled his eyes and made his voice light, belying the anger that was pounding through him. He poked Alanna in the ribs. "_I'm _Sirius, remember?"

Alanna opened and closed her mouth, unable to get a sound out. "Oh, _that's_ mature," she finally gasped. "Really witty."

"What, so now you think I'm immature?" Sirius's voice quickly regained its intensity.

"I _know_ it, Sirius. Just like everybody else does." Alanna whispered.

Sirius looked at her, just looked. They stood there in tableau for a moment, then Sirius broke it. "See you at practice," he snapped, and was out the door in two long strides.

Alanna leaned down against the desk, gasping, and trying to ignore the throbbing bruise on her ribs that Sirius had just prodded. "Ouch."

She peered out the door, watching the students milling about towards their dorms or off to dinner. There was one with long, dark hair who could have been Sirius, but she knew it wasn't. He'd be long gone by now.

And he was.

Sirius stepped forward rapidly, trying to leave behind what had happened in potions. He _hated_ that girl. How could she just _assume _she knew who he was? She had _no bloody idea_ what he'd been through. Sirius reached his destination, a hidden alcove on the second floor, and climbed quickly behind the tapestry that hid it.

He sat down with a heavy _thud_ and sighed, feeling the anger drain out of him. It was replaced by—nothing. No feeling, just his heart beating and his lungs inflating and deflating.

It was stupid, he thought distantly, how he let her incense him. All she had to do was show up, and suddenly he was the prick that she so often accused him of being.

Sirius breathed in again, and out. Not that it mattered anyway. He'd thought it had, for a moment, out at the Quidditch pitch, but that was false. He'd thought—but Sirius didn't let himself finish the idea.

"I thought wrong," Sirius murmured to himself, the words interrupting the steady rhythm of his breathing. "That's all there is to it."

Being wrong wasn't a new thing. Sirius thought back to when he was younger. He'd been happy then, no doubt about that. He'd had a father with a respected job in the Ministry of Magic, who loved to tell jokes, mocking and making fun of everything around him. _Worse even than me,_ Sirius decided with a grin. His mother had always liked to spoil her two sons, and Sirius remembered wistfully how she used to drop him and Regulus off in Quality Quidditch Supplies in Diagon Alley. She'd give them each 5 galleons, and they used to run wild in the store, trying to examine everything before she finished her errands and returned. Sirius remembered how much fun it had been then, teasing his brother, just playing around. Not knowing anything.

Sirius felt the grin fall off his face. It dropped like a stone to lay lifeless on the floor. He _hadn't _known anything back then. He hadn't known that the people his father mocked so relentlessly were muggles, that the "mudbloods" he and his brother and parents had so often laughed at were people just like him, only with different ancestors. He hadn't known that his mother, after dropping him off at Quality Quidditch Supplies, always bee-lined straight for Knockturn Alley. He hadn't known that Regulus would never realize the truth about these things that they'd both always taken for truth.

Sure, he'd been happy when he'd been younger, but he'd also been wrong.

"You have no idea, Alanna Simmons," Sirius whispered. "I may not be mature, but I've come a long way."

He sat back, concentrating again on breathing. Just breathing, and feeling his heart beat. Not thinking.

He was still sitting there ten minutes later, when Peter burst through the tapestry. In his haste, he tripped, colliding with a shaken Sirius.

"Oh dearie me, Pete," Sirius drawled. "You really ought to stop tripping over that tail of yours." He was referring, of course, to Peter's animagus form, the form of a rat. The boys still hadn't managed the transformations, but they were almost ready. Finding out which animal they would become had been one of the first steps in what was proving to be an exceptionally long process.

Peter jut shrugged, though. "Would you like a little cheese with your whine?" he asked sarcastically.

"Aww, shut it, Wormy." Sirius left his brain shut down. He didn't need to think to banter with his short friend.

"Come now, be a good dog." Peter was smiling somewhat nervously. He usually tried not to verbally abuse his friends. Maybe it was because he hadn't had any friends before the marauders had taken him in. He always seemed so afraid to lose them, and go back to being alone.

"So, what brings you to my humble abode?" Sirius asked, gesturing vaguely at the space around the two of them. It was roomy, for an alcove. There were others, throughout the school, and most of them were mere dents in the walls. This one, though, could hold all four marauders with them hardly feeling cramped at all.

Peter shrugged. "Ah, you know." He lowered his voice. "I'm supposed to have detention with McGonagall later on. And, well—"

Sirius smirked. "You don't want to miss the show."

An identical grin appeared on Peter's face. Well, perhaps it didn't have quite the sophistication and conceit of Sirius's, but it was a decent copy nonetheless. "You know I don't."

"Well, you shouldn't worry," Sirius told him patiently, examining his nails as though he found them fascinating. "We're planning Part One at dinner, and detention won't start until seven or eight, right?"

"Well," Peter dug his toe into the floor. "Last time I kind of skipped. You know, I just didn't go." Sirius's jaw dropped. "And, well, McGonagall wants me to eat dinner in her room. So I don't get away again." Peter glanced at Sirius again, looking for his reaction.

Sirius screwed his jaw back on with an effort. "Have we taught you nothing?" he wailed in the general direction of the ceiling. "If you're thick enough to get caught, you ought at least to make it to the detention. Or the teachers will watch you like hawks forever after!" Sirius dropped his head into his hands, abandoning his dramatic response for a more reasonable one. "Don't be such a prat. Go to the bloody detention. Serves you bloody right."

Peter looked at his friend in surprise. This was most definitely not typical Sirius behavior. Sirius was usually laughing, and always grinning. He was a jokester, and his looks and disposition ensured him a place with any of the girls. But right now he looked downcast, and not at all the cheerful Sirius Peter was used to.

"Padfoot, are—are you feeling alright?"

"I'm fine," Sirius said, trying to inject his voice with some feeling. "Just tired. James and I were up all night getting ready for today, you know."

"Oh." Peter accepted the explanation without qualms. "Well, I'd better go find McGonagall, I suppose. Before she gives me _another_ detention." He groaned, tortured by the idea of it.

Sirius nodded. "Yeah. If you see James, tell him I'll be down later. I just want to—get some rest—before we have to start up The Show."

Peter obliged, peaking out from behind the tapestry, then disappearing out into the hallway. As he left, he glanced behind him, and saw Sirius sigh, and lean his head back against the wall. No, he definitely was not acting like himself.

Peter trotted down the hall, heading away from McGonagall's office, contrary to what he'd told Sirius. But really, James must be out of his skin by now. With such a major prank coming up and less than an hour until it was to begin, he'd expect them all to be getting ready. That was not the case. Sirius was sleeping in a hidden alcove, Peter was going off to detention, and Remus was in the library "staying out of James's way until he calms down." At least, that's what he'd told Peter he was going to do.

Peter finally reached Gryffindor Tower, and he panted the password ("grindylow"). He entered the common room, to find quite a sight. James was pacing, muttering to himself, and shredding a piece of parchment into tiny ribbons. There were more paper scraps littered throughout the room, and Peter could help but notice that the common room was unusually empty. Normally, on a Monday night, most of Gryffindor House piled into the common room, chatting, working on homework, and procrastinating working on homework. Tonight, though, the few who were there were wedged into corners, not talking, and glancing anxiously at James every few moments.

James looked ready to blow.

"Hey, Prongs," Peter said quietly.

James blinked and looked up, making it obvious that he hadn't seen Peter enter the room. "Wormtail," he scolded, "Where have you _been_? There's so much to do! We've still got to finish setting up downstairs, then there's the lights, and the—" He cut himself off; "And _where_ are Remus and Sirius? They should be here; _you_ should have been here _hours ago_. Now we're down to the wire and this _has to go off without a hitch._"

James glared intensely at his friend. Peter flinched, and who wouldn't? He was the messenger, the one who'd get all the blame for the absences of both Sirius and Remus. Oh, right, and he was off to detention as well. "What's that you're tearing up?" Peter said conversationally, hoping to distract James from his evil quest for knowledge.

"Charms," James said dismissively, glancing fleetingly down at the scrap of parchment still in his hand. He raised his left eyebrow questioningly. _Any moment now,_ Peter thought, _he's going to put his hands on his hips, and start tapping his foot. _He might have, too.

"Well," Peter said, trying one last time to stall. He took a deep breath. "Moony's hiding; he said he won't come back until you've calmed down, which you kind of haven't, by the look of things—Sirius said he's tired; he's sleeping in the sec—somewhere, and he really does look kind of sick—and I can't come to the prank at all because McGonagall gave me detention during dinner, and I'm really, really sorry." Peter sucked in a huge breath.

James merely looked at him, albeit dangerously. "You have got to be kidding me."

Normally, a statement like that would be rhetorical, but James seemed to be waiting for an answer.

"No," Peter said somewhat breathlessly, "No, that's really how things are."

James's only answer was to fall backwards, landing perfectly in one of the huge scarlet armchairs that adorned the common room. He put his head in his hands, echoing the gesture that Sirius had used only a few minutes earlier. His pose, though, seemed less desolate, and more stressful. Far more dramatic.

"Right, well—" Peter searched for something helpful to say. He came up blank. "Good luck, then."

And with those words, he fled.

Leaving James, sprawled in a puffy red armchair, waiting for the world to end.

Alright, not end, but close enough. Because the fact of the matter was that, whether Sirius, Remus, and Peter realized it or not, there was something wrong with their plan. If only James knew what it was.

He started up out of the chair, and began to pace.

He'd been over The Plan countless times in his head. He knew where the teachers would be, what the house-elves would be doing, and exactly what the marauders could do to—augment—a little bit of chaos and fun. But—James shook his head. No matter how many times he went through it, he remained convinced that he was missing something.

And his _friends?_ Where were they? In detention, hiding, and _sleeping?_ James frowned and picked up a piece of parchment. Potions homework. He shredded it viciously between his fingers. Well. They'd all been excited about the damn bloody prank, but they'd _abandoned_ James just when the going got tough. Why, when he saw them again, he was going to bloody _decapitate_ them.

Somewhere in the back of James's head, he realized that he was being unreasonable. Of course, he didn't heed that voice. It was always back there, in his head, telling him that part of why he was so upset was because of bloody Lily Evans hating him. It was back there telling him that he ought to be worried about Sirius, who was _sleeping_ at six o'clock on a Monday evening. It was telling him that Remus had a good point, staying out of James's way until James calmed down a bit more.

But, damn, it was that same voice that kept telling him that he was missing something in The Plan, something that would make it go drastically wrong. And _that_ fact, he wasn't even trying to dispute.

James took a deep breath, and let it out. Slowly. He placed the tattered potions homework back on a table, and forced himself to stop pacing. Another deep breath, and he was just about ready to pull himself together and get to work.

Five minutes later, no one watching James Potter walk brusquely into the library would have known that he'd been a nervous wreck mere moments before.

Remus watched his friend, noting this. James had honed himself, Remus thought, worked until he could hide most of what he was thinking or feeling. James's glib tongue and innocent looks had certainly helped get the marauders out of hot water on many an occasion. But sometimes, Remus had to wonder if all the masquerading wasn't taking something more, well, valuable, from James's own life.

But now was neither the time nor the place. James had clearly put himself back together, and with that done, they were ready to put into place the final preparations for the night's show.

"Pray tell, Prongsie, what's first on the To-Do List?" Remus asked his friend with a grin.

James smirked. "Just about everything. Although I'd have to say that finding Sirius would be a priority."

"Finding him?" Remus's eyebrows knit together tightly in thought. "Why does he need finding?"

"How should I know?" James snapped, showing that no matter how relaxed he _looked_, he was still quite apprehensive. "Pete said he was sleeping, and Merlin knows he's not in the dormitory."

Remus nodded, thinking to himself. "Well, I'll find Sirius, and you can do what you can without us, alright?" he said aloud to James.

"Fine."

Remus was off in the blink of an eye. He walked swiftly, still thinking. He was good at that, and he often found that waiting and pondering things for a moment often yielded better results than the rash action that his friends seemed to prefer.

So Remus walked and thought. He'd seen the beginning of an argument between Sirius and Alanna Simmons, but surely that wouldn't have had forced Sirius into hiding. Although—Remus blinked in surprise at the thought that was swimming about in his head. It was possible—but only barely. Remus pushed the offending thought from his head.

Coming to the alcove on the second floor, the fifth such hiding spot that Remus had checked so far, he resolved to keep the thought in mind. Maybe he'd find something to prove or disprove it soon.

Remus pulled back the tapestry, and peered inside.

There was Sirius. He _was_ slumbering, to Remus's veritable astonishment. Yes, curled into a ball, breathing deeply and evenly was Sirius Black, sound asleep.

"Padfoot?" Remus whispered. Then, just a bit louder, "Sirius?"

Sirius raised his head with a snap, causing his forehead to collide rather heavily with a wall of the alcove. He jumped up, anyway, only wincing a little bit. "So, Moony, do tell, just how far off the deep end has our dear friend James gone?"

Remus grimaced at his friend. "Don't ask," he replied curtly.

Sirius just laughed. "He shouldn't worry so much. I'm sure everything will go exactly as planned." Funny, other than the fact that Remus had found him sound asleep in a second floor alcove, he seemed exactly the same as he always was. Remus just shrugged to himself, though. If something was wrong, he'd find out later, and if not, it didn't matter anyway. But for now, they were both due at dinner.

James met them just outside the doors to the Great Hall. He seemed to have finally gotten himself under control. It was just like always; he'd flip out right before a large prank, but when the time finally came to carry the prank out, he was always calm and collected.

"So, Prongs, you look moderately human again," Remus observed with a laugh.

James donned a supercilious expression. "Well," he said mockingly, "_someone_ has to worry about all the details." He saw his two friends' expressions, and couldn't stifle a laugh. "And, plus, it's bloody brilliant, watching everyone run away."

"Now you joke about it," Remus said warily, "but it's actually quite a traumatic experience for the rest of us."

James opened his mouth to reply, but Sirius beat him to it. "Give it up, Prongs, you know as well as the rest of us that you're a bloody terror right before a prank. But let's not dwell in the past." He smirked, and swept past his two friends, into the Great Hall. "After all, dinner awaits."

James made a face at Remus. "I may be a bloody terror before a prank, but he's one 'round the clock."

"I feel so left out," Remus said with a fake pout.

"Don't. You're a bloody terror when the moon is full, yeah? And as for the rest of the time, we're working on you."

"That might not be such a good thing," Remus said, but James had already walked in to dinner. With a shrug and a grin, Remus did the same. After all, by the time this month was over, he might well be a certified 'bloody terror.'

He walked in and sat at the Gryffindor table, right between Sirius and James. They smiled at eachother, and picked up their forks to start eating.

BANG!

Of the thousand students and teachers in the Great Hall, only three of them managed not to so much as flinch.

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Okay, I've got 45 reviews to catch up on here, and I've realized that it's just not possible. I'll try, but, well, no promises. So here are some of the very oldest ones….

**Reena-blue:** I loved your review. You seemed really—honest. I got some nice, constructive criticism, and I really hope you'll keep reviewing and helping me out.

**Borg:** Okay, well, you're not reading this, as you were my first (and only, so far) flame. For everyone, Borg said he didn't like the way I reviewed. He told me so by sending 11 identical, anonymous flames. Which made me laugh, because Borg seems to have a little problem practicing what he preaches. (And weird, because I've never written a negative review…if I don't like something, I stop reading it…)

**Blink182Rox:** Why thank you.

**Gaby-Black:** Why is James arrogant? Might as well ask why the sun shines, or the wind blows, or—okay, I'm kidding. Hmm, well JKR said arrogant so there it is.

**Eggo Waffles: **There's a taste of the "horrors" in store for Lily in potions…There'll be more, I promise you that.

**StarzInHerEyes:** Wow, that's a really old review…way back before Charlotte's Web was over, and before you ever started your fic…wow.

**Andy:** Okay, I'm replying to a review from chapter 9. Wow, that's old. Well, I'm glad I cracked you up, hmmm? Hope I can do it again.

**A Cute But Psycho Bunny:** Oh, I loved your description of Professor Avogadro as "cool, calm, collected, self-assured, I'm-up-on-my-high-horse-and-I'm-staying-there-whether-you-like-it-or-not." He's a really fun character to write.

**SiriuslyFun19292:** YES! I couldn't agree more. No character deserves to be shunned like "moldy old bagel." Characters should be _real_, even if they only appear for a moment or two. You still have to believe that they keep existing and thinking and doing things, even when you're not looking at them.

**DobbyGrl:** I'm glad you liked _gulp_ chapter 10. Goodness, that was a long time ago.

**PinkytheSnowman:** Avogadro, dear, not avocado. I like avocadoes, but I like Avogadro better. It's one of my two favorite last names. (Last names that real people had)

**Kimberly-Grace:** Okay, this is from before you changed your name…thanks for the candy bar, and I'll have you know that the deadly poison in it didn't kill me…

And some more recent reviews from y'all. (keep looking, even if your name was above, I'm replying to each review separately, based on when it came in. So your name could come up several times…)

**StarzInHerEyes:** Darn! We got you all mortally embarrassed at Friendly's, right in front of your crush, and then you have to go and not like him anymore?! You terrible, terrible person. (Kidding, dearie, kidding). And anyway, there's no rule that says that fifteen-year-old girls can't sit at Friendly's, coloring in the kids menu. At least, I don't think there is…

**TheLovelyLadyLily: ** Thanks, I'm glad you liked the chapter. And your theory, well, it may have some merit. But I'm not about to make things easy for Sirius.

As to your review for the chapter before that (chapter 12), wow, you've got some nice foresight. Maybe.

As for your review for the chapter before (chapter 11)…nice guess. The problem—well, you'll find out soon enough. I can tell you that you're close, though.

And the chapter before that (chapter 10)…You don't like Avogadro? Well, he's wickedly fun to write. And he's got his work cut out for him.

Okay, for chapter 9…yes, Potter Charm. Or curse, I suppose. It could be either.

For chapter 8…I'll consider the pointy objects. I'm quite partial to them, myself.

For chapter 7….Wow, three languages? I'm stuck with English and French. And my French teacher finds devilish pleasure whenever I get a 99 on a test or something. Because I'll get a 99 on one little test, and BANG I've gotten a 99 for the marking period, instead of 100. And my French teacher loves my reaction to that…

For chapter 6….oh, I know a few people who can kill with looks (and not in the wizarding world)…but Lily's too—um, law-abiding to hurt anyone that way…

For chapter 5…yeah, James is arrogant. It's fun to write him that way, and that's what JKR said so…

For chapter 4….glad you liked the prank.

For chapter 3….yep, I'm trying to figure out how to really portray Sirius. He can be goofy, but there's something in there, too.

For chapter 2….you weren't going to review all the chapters? Well thanks for all the reviews, even if I'm writing a whole page of responses to you here.

For chapter 1…LAST ONE….Australian, hmm? That's neat. Okay then, I'm going to move on now.

**DobbyGrl: **Nice prediction. Maybe it's even correct, but I'm not saying.

For chapter 12….aarg, I hate when computers don't work. It makes me want to throw them out windows, but the repair man said that usually doesn't help much…

**A Cut But Psycho Bunny:** Hmm….Well, as with everyone else's predictions, I'm not telling if it's true. Oh, and I have it on authority from someone who lives in Romania that Dracula was actually a nice guy. But he's not there anymore.

**AvId PiAnIsT: ** Again, nice prediction, we'll see if your bones are good at divination…

**Jersey Princess: ** Okay, got it. Thanks for the little lesson in British language. Pants are underwear, trousers are pants, pants are underwear, trousers are pants…got it.

**PinkytheSnowman**: Oh, you haven't even got a guess as to Sirius's problem? Have a looksee at the other review then, they've all got ideas. (maybe not the write ones, but they do have ideas.)

**Tanya J Potter:** You want to know if Avogadro is good or evil? Well, the world isn't divided up into good people and death eaters…Avogadro—he plays by his own rules. Good and evil don't really apply to him. Well, he doesn't think so.

**Kimberly-Grace: **(from chapter 11) YOU DON'T LIKE CHOCOLATE?!!! _Drops into a dead faint._

**Eggo Waffles:** Yes, well, the performances went well, thanks very much. So now I'm doing stage crew for the spring musical, so things'll just keep getting busier. Thanks for the review.

**DobbyGrl: **(for chap 11) Thanks for the well-wishes. Drama was great. Can't wait for your next review, yeah?

**Gaby-Black:** That's right, I haven't seen any updates from you recently. You have to fix that, hmm? Can't wait to see what's going to happen.

**PinkytheSnowman: ** (for chap 11) Sparkly things. All for you, and lots of them, okay? There you go. And I think you're kind of like James, (good James, after he deflates his head). He's going to be pretty cool once he loses the arrogance. And you're pretty cool, so there you have it.

NO WAY! I replied to all the reviews. _Whew_. It took a while, too. Well, enjoy the chapter, and look for the next one, it'll be coming as soon as I get a moment.

manchot du destin


	15. 15, a little bonus chapter Finale, or is...

I don't own any of these characters. Silly.

This is a little chapter, but next chapter makes up for it. I promise!

Many thanks to **Jersey Princess**, who went through and painstakingly changed my grammar and spelling to make it authentically British. Also, **PinkytheSnowman**, your feedback was much appreciated.

Previously…

_BANG!_

_Of the thousand students and teachers in the Great Hall, only three of them managed not to so much as flinch._

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Chapter 15, Finale…Or is it an Overture?

Earlier that same day…

5:00 PM…

James Potter shrugged, "Have it your way," he muttered as the bell rang to end Potions Class. He started for the door, yelling back over his shoulder, "And don't anyone forget about Quidditch tonight!" He left, inordinately happy that Potions was over a half-hour early that day because of a staff meeting.

He had a lot to do.

5:08 PM…

Libby the house elf took a deep breath, sucking in the smells of dinner cooking. It was going to be a wonderful meal; after all, it was Libby's job to make sure that all the students and teachers at Hogwarts were well-fed.

Libby hummed happily, buzzing around the kitchen to make sure that all was well. The lamb was coming along perfectly, and the cooking stew was emitting a wonderful aroma of vegetables and meat.

Abruptly, Libby was torn from her thoughts. The portrait hole swung open on perfectly oiled hinges, and in popped a messy-haired fifth-year.

"Mr Potter," Libby admonished, albeit with a smile. "You couldn't possibly be wanting food so close to dinner!"

The boy absently ran his fingers through his dark hair, making it stick up on end. Libby couldn't help but purse her lips. She liked things neat and tidy. Mr Potter, though, was the exception. While he was neither (neat or tidy), he was friendly, and it was an unusual day if he or one of his friends didn't stop down at the kitchen to say hello or pick up some food.

"Not wanting food?!" he gasped with a laugh. "Surely you're thinking of someone else, Libby. _I _always want food."

Libby craned her neck back to look up at the student, and couldn't help but laugh herself. "Ah, but Mr Potter, we've such a delicious dinner in store for tonight! You oughtn't ruin your appetite." Contrary to her own speech, Libby motioned for two of the other elves to wrap up a few sweets for the guest.

Libby turned around, smiling and handed him a bursting basket of sweets and fruits, and James smiled and accepted them. As he spun and left the room, Libby turned back to her own tasks.

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Outside the kitchen, James Potter smirked.

Unbeknownst to the many house elves, the moment Libby had turned her back to get James his food, he'd sprung into action. He reached into the pocket of his robes, and pulled out five pouches, emptying the contents of each packet separately into each of the five vats full of cooking stew.

Step one was complete.

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5:15 PM…

Nicholas De Mimsy Porpington shook his head, deep in thought. That, of course, brought him right out of said thoughts, as the movement had unbalanced his precariously perched cranium. He flipped it back to its rightful place with a frown of annoyance.

"Nearly Headless Nick!" a voice rang out across the empty Great Hall.

Nick turned. "Oh, hello, James," he answered, always happy to talk to a fellow Gryffindor. Then he narrowed his eyes. "You're mighty early for dinner tonight. Is something—" _—up? What are you planning, Potter?_ "—is something the matter?"

"Oh, no," said the fifth-year, his hazel eyes flashing with a grin. "I was actually looking for the bloody baron." He paused, and Nick leaned in, trying to read the look in the boy's face. "You see, Peeves—" Potter trailed off.

"I know how it is," Nick answered with a smile of his own. "What's he done this time?"

"Well normally, I don't mind, but today he's down in the dungeons, wreaking havoc, throwing things…" James rolled his eyes. "You know, the works." James shrugged his shoulders. "And I have Potions tomorrow, so..."

"Ah," Now Nick understood. "Well, I'm no Bloody Baron, but I'll see what I can do, alright?"

"Would you?" James looked relieved. "That'd be great, thanks."

"Anything for a Gryffindor," Nick said proudly, tipping his head. He didn't bother to turn around, just wafted down through the floor, towards the dungeons.

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Alone inside the Great Hall, James grinned.

He got to work quickly, wanting to finish before the students started coming down to dinner. But the preparations didn't take long at all, and by 5:30, James was striding easily out the doors, whistling.

Behind him, something twinkled. It was the only indication that he'd done anything at all.

That and his words. "Step two. Complete."

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5:36 PM…

Peeves wasn't in the dungeons at all, as it happened. Oh, no, he was most definitely on the fourth floor. And having quite the good time, as it happened. He'd stolen a box of chalk, then taken self-punitary measures. He'd been "doing lines."

Unconventional lines.

On the walls.

In curse words.

It was quite fun, too. So fun that he'd already filled up an entire corridor in pink words that really oughtn't be repeated. He'd moved onto another hallway now, and was alternating colours. Red. Then orange. Then yellow. Green. Then blue. Indigo. And violet. And so on, of course. After all, Peeves knew a lot of curse words.

He was writing a green sentence about, well, it was a green sentence and we'll leave it at that, when he was interrupted. Peeves greeted the visitor with a loud raspberry, and turned around to see one James Potter, standing wide-eyed and slack-jawed in the centre of the hall.

Peeves blew a bigger raspberry, the first one having failed to attract any attention.

James seemed to snap quickly out of his reverie, and he grinned at Peeves. "That's really something," he said, slightly breathless. "I mean—wow. I don't think there are any repeats." James gestured at the curse-filled walls.

"Nay, Potty-wee-Potter, I know looooots of curses," Peeves replied in his most annoying sing-song voice.

"Yes, well—" James had to try again. He was still slightly shell-shocked from the sheer quantity of foul words. "I have a proposition," he finally managed to spit out.

"A proposition? And what makes the ickle student think that I'd accept a _proposition_?" Peeves asked, sticking out his tongue.

James explained.

And Peeves accepted.

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James hurried back to the Gryffindor common room, tasks complete. His mind was roiling with nerves and questions.

But he was happy.

Sure, he didn't have a clue where his co-conspirators were; _sure_ he was near-positive that something was going to go wrong; _sure_ he was probably about to deprive Gryffindor of nearly all its house points. But that didn't matter.

James knew for a fact that the moment he got into the common room, he'd flip out. He'd tear up homework, and snap at people for no reason, and scare most people out of the common room.

But for now, he was happy.

He trotted up to the Gryffindor common room, and if you were to listen really closely as he passed, you'd have heard his words.

"Preparations. Complete."

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6:12 PM…

Three of the four Marauders strode into the noisy Great Hall. The dinner hadn't appeared yet, but no one was worried. After all, they'd heard rumours that Peeves had been at the house elves earlier. Who could blame them for taking an extra twelve minutes with the food?

Nonetheless, everyone was getting rather hungry.

Sirius Black sat down at the Gryffindor table, and a moment later, James Potter followed. It wasn't long before Remus Lupin took his seat between them.

And that was when it happened.

BANG!

Of the thousand students and teachers in the Great Hall, only three of them managed not to so much as flinch.

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Okay, feeling _really_ evil right now. I mean, I just used the same cliffie two chapters in a row. Not to fear, though, next chapter you _do_ find out about this prank. As well as, oh, I don't know, maybe thirty others….Plus, you get to know what that "something important" is that James insists they're missing. Also, some Quidditch (although that's going to be more chapter 17) and James gets moving on Operation Lily-Love. You'll also see dear old Professor Avogadro again, _and _Professor McGonagall might just turn up to give out some detentions. Oh, and Dumbledore, he might say a quick hello. And Sirius, what's up with him? Hum, although it ought to be from the POV of Lily's gang, we haven't done that in a while. And Sara, she's been rather quiet for the last few chapters, so. Well, she'll be a major factor in the next few.

Whoa, lots of promises there. So chapter 16 ought to more than make up for how short 15 was. Although if it gets too long or confusing, I might have to cut it down.

Okay, chapter 16 should go up soon (from your point of view) because my internet connection was broken for a while. Chapter 16 is actually completed. Um, so expect it this weekend, yeah?

Also, don't forget to read "Oddments and Essays" and my new story, "Snape's Dialogue," which is going to be 3 chapters. It's fun, and I'm loving writing it. Let's see, also check out my collaborative effort with **PinkytheSnowman**, the name that we use is **SiriuslyInsane62442.** Also, anything by **PinkytheSnowman** is wonderful, as well as the work of **StarzInHerEyes**, and **Lia Tween**. I also happen to beta for **Jedicren**, and her stories are beyond wonderful.

Reviewers! I love you, and I would be ever so happy if everyone would drop just a little review for me!

**Ethuiliel:** Welcome to my story! Thanks so much for the pointer, and thanks even more for the compliment. I really hope to see you back here again for future chapters! This is a short one, but the next one's going to be tons of fun. And, lol, not many people actually thank me for cliffies…

**Anochera:** WOW! I loved your review so very much. I'm becoming increasingly aware of the clichés that come up so often in L/J stories, and as much as I try to steer away from them, I still think I'm embroiled in clichés. Thanks so very much for the "corrective feedback" (that's what it's called, according my instruction textbook). As of this chapter, I'm officially being betaed by someone from England, so hopefully that will solve some of my problems. Still, please let me know about anything you find! Oh, and shh, don't tell anyone, but I _really_ courted cliché at one point next chapter…Thanks again for the wonderful review, and I can only hope that you'll keep sending them!

**Avid Pianist:** lol. Well, I'm enjoying your story, and I'm so glad that you spared a moment to review, even so late! Thanks a whooole bundle!

**Jedicren:** I'm so happy to hear that you enjoyed the mention of the lesson on electrical outlets. Oh, and I'm sure the dear marauders will ask about Sirius's problems, though they'll be busy for a while. As for betaing, I love you dearly, and if ever I feel like murdering a chapter with a blunt cooking utensil, I may just drop you an email asking for advice. Thanks so much!

**The lovely lady lily:** Thanks so much, dearie. Hmmm, you think you smell Sirius/Alanna coming in the future? Well, I've been getting that a lot lately. _Cackles._ Well, if I'm getting so predictable, perhaps I'll have to throw in a twist…we'll see.

**StarzInHerEyes:** Wow, I haven't updated this in a long time…um, yeah, WRITE, dear. Yes, Sirius is a bit off, but he's gotten good at hiding his feelings. I'd say more, but to be honest, I'd rather call you up on the fellytone and figure out that darn global packet…ick. Okay, then, thanks for the review!

**Andy:** I'm glad you liked the ending, though I'd bet you're getting rather tired of it by now. And yes, next chapter is the prank. No more procrastination…Don't worry, though, I hope it more than makes up for all the waiting. Thanks for the review!

**Jersey Princess:** Thanks for betaing! I love you, dear, and from now on, it will be burned into my brain: pants are underwear, and trousers are pants. Lol.

**PinkytheSnowman:** Thanks! I'm so glad you don't think I'm predictable! It's so hard not to get mucked up and lost in all the clichés, and I'm just trying to keep people guessing a bit here. Glad I'm succeeding. Btw, your new s/n makes me sooo happy. YAY!

**A Cute But Psycho Bunny: **Yes, I'm being cruel and making you wait a few more days to find out the prank…muahahaha. Hmm, and as far as dramatic twists go? Well, let's just say I've got at least one up my sleeve. But I'm not telling you who it's about…

**DobbyGrl:** Thanks for the review! Oh, and the nature of the prank must remain secret for just a few more days. This weekend you'll find out. On my honor.

Once again, thanks to all who reviewed, and I hope everyone who reads will take those 30 seconds to drop a word or three. Look for chapter 16 this weekend!

manchot du destin


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